This illness amazes me. Today I am depressed, while the last few days before this I was feeling better. I often think about
those around me, at work for example, who have no idea I'm bipolar and I wonder what they would think if they knew. And I wonder how they would deal with what I have to deal with everyday. I know that's not a nice thought. I believe it's the irritability factor
But sometimes, I just cannot believe what I feel with these symptoms. I get frustrated not being able to explain the severity of what I am going through to my partner. I would have to say that is one of the most frustrating things. I feel there are no words to describe it at all. Therefore I feel I am only babbling on and on or I just simply fall silent. Most of the time I am silent about it.
It amazes me that this illness is such a stigma in this world. It feels like there will never be any compassion for those who suffer from this illness. I think I just feel like my life is a lie. I go to work in a huge lie. There are times at work, where I know I need a mental health day, but know I can't take one because if my boss knew, she would fire me. I lie a lot when I say I am fine to my partner and I am not. I feel really that I just keep all of this inside of me so know one knows.
This illness affects us all here on this forum in some form or another. I am glad that we have here to go to. Without it, I would be even more enclosed in the huge secret I feel I have to hide (basically).
Anyway, I am disappointed that I am low again today. I hope all of you are doing well. Sorry if this post makes anyone feel down. That was not my intent, just venting.
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Risperdal .5mg/day & Lamictal 350 mg/day