bp support group nightmeer

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maggiern
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 4/11/2009 10:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Well I tryed a couple different support groups this week, because the one I go to is getting off track of what it should be.  After going to two others I had my original group meeting last night, and yes I am ver manic right now, with anger and getting my feelings hurt easy.  One of the people said that he thought it would be nice if the people in the medical areas should spend some time in a hospital, or with mental health patients to really understand how we as bp's feel.  I proceeded to tell him I am a nurse ( in pain management area) and some times people with mental health issuse seem to stand out (to me), because I said "they have a look" and that makes me more sensitive to their fears of getting the procedure done.  Well one of the other group members yelled at me "DO I LOOK BIPOLAR, HOW DO YOU KNOW"  I tried to tell her to me some of the mental illness patients stick out because I have seen that same look on my face, and I said I am not trying to piss you off it is just how I see it sometimes.  Well then while the group was going on someone in the group made a sarcastic remark that about something said, "Oh I CAN SEE IT IN THEIR FACE" I felt sick to my stomach because as a bp I was telling them I am sensative and caring to people with my same illness, and they made me feel embaressed about it.  Does anyone think that it was me saying what I did, or are they overly sensitive.  This is why I was looking for a new group, because I am part of the group and they juged me as if I was the enemy.  I do not know maybe I am oversensitive right now, but when I go to three groups in one week I need support and now from my original group I get this crap.  Please let me know how you feel about what I said,  I also said that when I encounter mental illness at work it does make them at ease when they are not looked at as strange, but given understanding that only we know how to do.  Feed back please idea   

tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 4/12/2009 3:59 AM (GMT -7)   

I totally agree with you. i also am in a manic state right now. people look at me funny. I know I have a crazed look about me b/c I feel so frantic on the inside it has to show up in my face, demeanor, movements (like jerky and uncertain). This is a disease of affect. Non-medical people may not realise what affect means. You do. If I am feeling down it shows. This happens to me in the afternoons. I get really sluggish, don't want to engage, just want to lie curled up in a ball. if I have to go out when I feel like this, which I avoid like the plaque, but if I absolutely have to go somewhere, I am very easily read. people who know me ask, what's wrong. I just say I'm soooooo tired. When I go out in the morning I fly around getting things done, or so I think, at spitfire speed. People look at me and ask if I'm ok. What is felt on the inside shows on the outside. Watch Law and Order, CI. The lead detective, is Bipolar bear and I believe takes lithium, he is in real life also. That's why they have other episodes to cover when he can't keep it up. Watch him. Listen to him. Also, Anthony Hopkins; BiPolar. That's what makes him such a great actor, he emotes.

When I was in deep crisis about 7 months back, I went to crisis centre. The intake worker spoke with me for about an hour then said Ï can see it, I can hear it, you are up and down and all over the place, right. "Yup, that's why I'm here."  She went straight to doc. He gave her a to do list to give me which included seeing a PDoc, within a week. I got some meds but refuse the mood stabilizers. I know, I know. I just don't like walking through this life with a blanket between me and the world, to protect me, or to protect them, I'm sure I don't know. I know this, it is better to feel it, process it and dump it in the out basket. Just don't hurt anyone. 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/12/2009 6:42 AM (GMT -7)   
maggiern
Hello there, this is Kitt. I was browsing the forums this morning and your post caught my eye. I am overly sensitive, and I am also a nurse........30 years now with a background in Emergency Department and Critical Care.

I just thought I would post a great book that you may find helpful.........

The Highly Sensitive Person (Perfect Paperback) by Elaine N. Aron Ph.D.

Take care and I hope you do find a group where you feel more supported.

Gentle Hugs to you

Kitt

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 4/12/2009 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Maggie,
I think it is great that you are more sensitive and have empathy for those with mental health issues. I think the concept of the "wounded healer" (it is also a book) might be a good way to explain how you feel. As for those with problems of the mental health issue "look" I think we can all tell when someone is screaming at us, that something might be going on. I think if the person who was in charge of that group did not correct the issue, then it is time to find a new group.
Take Care,
Navy

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 4/12/2009 11:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Maggie,

I do believe you and your ability to sense when someone is truly in pain or in need, it's a skill you develop as a medical professional, I'd even guess, and if the group couldn't understand it, that's their problem. Were you oversensitive, maybe a little, but clearly they were too. But hey, we're all bipolar here, right? A huge group of sensitive people. It doesn't surprise me that it doesn't take much to set people off. Keep going. It should be forgotten by next week. And keep working on finding something one-on-one.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


maggiern
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 4/12/2009 1:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes I believe I am over sensitive right now, and thank you all for your imput.  I am going to work very hard to find a one on one Psychologist or something because I am really struggling right now.  I hate that I am not stable right now, I feel that it is a sign of weekness and as some might say (which I hate) "suck it up, and stop feeling sorry for yourself".  I just feel so out of control with my emotions lately.  It is a bad day today!  cry

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 4/12/2009 2:17 PM (GMT -7)   
It is NOT a sign of weakness.

trying2getby
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 146
   Posted 4/13/2009 10:31 PM (GMT -7)   
bp flareups and bp as a whole is a disease, and not a personal weakness or character flaw.
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