Post Edited (missflip) : 4/14/2009 6:38:31 PM (GMT-6)
Hi. Everyone will give you advice and most of it is worth about what you pay for it. So here goes. You're paying nothing, but let me give you a couple of things to think about. In this life there are only a couple of things that you can count on. The first is that there is really only one person that you can control. That is yourself. Second is that no matter what you do or how much you try to please other people, you can NEVER do enough to please them. So think about this.
I believe that we should never let anyone hold us hostage for anything. If someone demands something of you and threatens that they will not participate unless they get their way, I think we should just go on with what we originally planned on doing and not be disappointed when they chose not to participate. You did your best to include who you felt like including and that is what you wanted to do. If they chose not to participate then so be it. It is a control issue on their part and it only set you up to be more controlled by them in the future. Once someone learns that they can control you, I promise you that they will continue to do so. Next it is important that you not get your feelings hurt. If someone acts that way with you, it is not because of you that they act that way. It is because of their own insecurities. They need to have something a certain way or they are going to throw a tantrum. That has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with them. So smile go on with things and if they chose not to attend the party, the get together will be better because there will not be a lot of conflict or tensness. The thing that you have to do next is to just go on with things and let tomorrow start all over again. You can expect others to appologize, but experience would indicate that they never change their ways or their attitude about it, so why bother. The thing to do is to make sure that no one holds you hostage first of all and then to go on as if it is all over with. The next day you interact with the people like it's a whole new situation and experience and you don't show that you are bothered about whether they came and participated or not. You don't shy away from them, you continue to be exactly who you are and to make the decisions in your life how they are best for you, your husband, and your family. Then you will be happier about things and you won't be hurt when others act selfish, throw tantrums, or don't worry about your feelings. And most of all your stress level will always be less because you can control yourself, but you don't have the expectation that you have to control others, or that they have to respond in a certain way in order for you to be happy. It will be easier for you and your family and the other people around you will learn that you are going to do what you think is best for your family, so they will learn that it doesn't help them to try to hold you hostage anymore.