New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Thomas2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 4/24/2009 1:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been trying to understand and cope with this bipolar stuff, I have thought back on many things I have done and now understand why so many times I made really bad decisions. My problem now is I am very ashamed of what I have and do not want anyone to know, my wife thinks I am doing much better, I was in a very bad depression for 8 months now I am manic, the pdoc wanted me to go on zyprexa but I will not take because of the weight gain and the tremors, I already have bad hand tremors with lithium. I am afraid to even tell my wife about things going on right now, getting up at 2:30am after going to bed at 11, hearing things, etc. Everyone sees me as not depressed so they think nothing is going on....any thought would be good.
just so ashamed of the whole mental illness stigma

Ne Ne
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 4/24/2009 2:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Thomas2, don't be ashamed of what our going through it gets hard at times, I to just had a bad manic moment ,but my family stood behind me. your wife must understand somewhat of what you go through so,keep her in the loop. Its harder for her to understand if you hide it from her. I'm new to this bipolar stuff to, coping can get hard but talk to your therapists they can help a lot.


DAWN turn yeah
49 Female
Dx June 07 Crohn's take asacol 2x3 a day ,lotrel for HBP , omeprezole for stomach , potassium , calcium & Vit D , lomotil for lose stools , tramadol for pain , started humira in Feb 08 on 1 shot a week, vit-B 12 shots , crestor,off crestor,now pravastatin,off humira, pristiq, abilify,
Dx Bipolar May 08


missflip
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 4/25/2009 3:07 AM (GMT -7)   
I understand what you are going through. I lost a lot of friends when I was first diagnosed with bp. I went to them for support and they didn't understand at all. I mean these were friends that I had for years. I was so hurt and was already dealing with my illness and felt so very alone. Unfortunately, we are stigmatized and seen as different. I now do not tell people about my illness (except for my parents and my husband who is very supportive of me). You need support right now and your wife is a good source for that. You cannot do this alone. You need to talk to her and keep her in the loop of what you are going through. I know that it is hard to trust people with this but you must.

Do not feel ashamed of yourself and your illness. People react the way they do because they are afraid of what they do not understand. Simple as that. There is no need for you to feel ashamed. You have an illness just like diabetes or cancer. It is an illness. You did the things you did due to it and I am glad that you understand that. And like I said, do not feel ashamed that we are stigmatized. It is other peoples fault that they stigmatize us because they do not understand us and are afraid of our illness and what they do not understand or want to understand.

Lithium was bad for me too. It gave me tremors and I was sick to my stomach and could not eat. Tell your pdoc about the side effects of it. Get off of it if you have to. There are so many meds out there that you can try. I now take Tegretol, Seroquel (which helps me sleep) and Neurontan. This combination has worked for me for years. Yes, it needs adjusted sometimes because my body gets use to it but it does work for me. You just need to hang in there and keep trying different meds until you find the right ones.

Don't give up. Don't be ashamed of yourself or feel guilty for what you did in the past. You were sick then. Keep your chin and talk to your wife about what is going on. She loves you and sounds like she wants to help or she wouldn't stay with you (trust me I know, I had a husband leave me when I was diagnosed). We are always here for you too. Talk to us anytime.

Hugs,
Missflip
"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty


Learning2deal
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 4/25/2009 4:27 PM (GMT -7)   
I know what you mean about being ashamed. I have ruined at least 3 best friend relationships, and I mean best friends. Friends I would talk to for hours on the phone and go places together, all that. I am ashamed of the way I treated them and how the friendships ended. On friend hung on and I am thankful for that. But we shouldn't beat ourselves up to much. We already deal enough with the problems in the present. We don't need the past to deal with any longer. So let's come together and make a covenant to let the past go. Are you with me?

Thomas2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 4/25/2009 5:53 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks for all the support, I did try talking to my wife a little today and we will see how that goes, I just don't want her to be mad, or worry about me.
All the meds changes are so hard to deal with, pdoc tried me on depakote and I felt like I was drunk all day long, falling down all over the place. So I stopped taking it after about a week. I just wish people would understand more...I am not crazy!

Whyus
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 4/27/2009 1:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Thomas2.  As a wife of a man with bp, I wish he would talk to me more about how he feels when he's depressed, when he's manic, when he's moody, when the meds don't work etc.  I have to try and figure it all out on my own just by observing him.  Of course when I confront him about what I observe, he gets defensive and it's all my fault. 
 
Please communicate with your wife.  I'm sure she is a good person willing to help you through this illness.  Her support is crucial in getting you to feel better.
 
Good luck,
Whyus
 


BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 4/27/2009 2:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Thomas2,
I want to reiterate what Whyus said. I too am the wife of a man with BP and all I want is him to talk to me about the condition. I want to help him by being supportive and caring and understanding. I'm sure your wife wishes the same for you. There is absolutely nothing for you to be ashamed about. But tell your wife that you do feel this way and hopefully she'll give you the support you need to get through this. She may even be willing to go to your pdoc with you and you may be surprised how much she actually sees. I tried to tell my husband that I not only am I behind him but I'm also next to him 100% in this situation. Unfortunately he is in complete denial and I can't do anything until he's ready to make a commitment to manage and take control of his treatment.

Good luck & we are here for you!

BPWife

Martyn48
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/28/2009 8:31 AM (GMT -7)   
My wife of 20 years years divorced me after I went on disability for BP. She couldnt deal with that I wasnt working .we had 2 kids and I got very depressed and hospitalized 4 times after the divorce.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 4/28/2009 5:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Martyn48,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. It's good to have you. I hope you're doing a bit better now. Even if you're not, we're a very supportive community. Feel free to start a new thread and tell us a little bit more about yourself.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Whyus
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 4/29/2009 9:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Thomas2:  during our second marriage counseling session my husband said he feels a huge amount of guilt about the financial mess he's gotten our family in due to bp.  I told him that I am there to help him.  That I love him no matter what and that we need to move forward. 
 
I hope you let your wife in.  It's very difficult to want to help someone who keeps shutting out.  Do it for your marriage.  She can help.
 
BPWife:  I pray that your husband will also accept the support you offer him and that he gets the help he need from his doctors!
 
Take care all,
 
-Whyus
 


Thomas2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 4/29/2009 4:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for all the good thoughts, I have been trying to "let her in" it's been kind of hard because I am in a hypomanic state right now and going 100 MPH all the time, only sleeping bout 1 1/2 -2 hours a night. Pdoc just gave me some seroquel as the zprexa was making me very dizzy. I have been tryng to stay away from everyone in our house right now because my attitude is really bad and I don't want to yell at any one.

BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 4/30/2009 1:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Thomas2,
Would you be able to write a letter to your wife? You can write what you are feeling and going through right now and just ask her to read it. In the letter say that once you feel you are in a less manic state you can discuss it with her. As I said, she may know more than you think she does and may not want to upset you so she's letting you keep your distance.

If she loves and cares about you, she'll want to help you get through this.

BP Wife

p.s. Whyus - thanks for the thoughts and prayers. I'm meeting with him, his dr. and the social worker at the hospital tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to provide some insight to the dr. which then can help my husband accept that he isn't and doesn't have to go through this alone - and more importantly that he needs to take his meds and work with a therapist.

Mwarbucks
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 5/7/2009 6:09 PM (GMT -7)   

Thomas:

Part of the Bipolar illness is that from a mania you move to a depression cycle and the first think you feel guilty about is how you misbehaved and were not that "perfect" person that you once envisioned yourself to be.  Guilt is part of the illness - if you don't have guilt, I don't think you are truly bipolar.  The problem is that we waste so much time on past blunders and mania mistakes that we forget we can forgive ourselves and actually admit that we are human too!

I know because I continually plunge into even deeper depression when I pick up that guilt trip that abases me even further.  My brother once said that guilt is a useless emotion.  It's true.  So what, we made some huge blunders - but I don't think that bipolar people normally use their illness as an excuse, however, sometimes, we should admit to ourselves that we have a mental disorder and should administer some slack in our self judgment.

I have asked for forgiveness for bipolar blips and sometimes I have been forgiven (and forgotten), and other times people do not want to even speak to me (even relatives).  I forgive them and when you get right down to it, that's all that's important along with forgiving ourselves.

Happy trails,

M. Warbucks


Thomas2
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 5/12/2009 5:03 PM (GMT -7)   
I see what you are saying, I will try to understand. I am always very hard on myself, never good enough etc. I guess I am ashamed because I think it makes me weak, or bad or just not like everyone else. I can feel myself going little by little back into another depression, the bad thoughts coming back less motivated again....I don't want to have to work so hard everyday to just function.
this illness is such a drain.
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Monday, December 05, 2016 2:00 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,733,114 posts in 301,084 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151235 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, johndoss.
441 Guest(s), 17 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
JM@PCaI, martha, sheepguy, 81GyGuy, tickcheckguy, Bucko, ToddGR, Hungrydude, ArtAngel, rocckyd, LG13, RanMan, jabele, Awake_, gilly2, Tall Allen, Graytech


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer