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lostwife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 4/27/2009 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   
It's been a long time since I've posted on the forum but I've checked in periodically. It's been eight months now since the husband has been gone, however, we have kept in touch a little. He usually contacts me when he has a rough spell. I spent some time with him yesterday, as, he has hit rock bottom again, worse ever this time, and is open to receiving help. He wants help. I am sending him a link to the forum and hope he joins ASAP, as, I am very concerned for him. I will not tell his story, but will let him when he starts to post and hopefully, he'll find the support and encouragement he needs to realize he is not alone and that there is help. I realized through all of this in the past six years, that what he needs is a friend, without all of the other complications. So that is what we are. I will help him, support him through this as a friend with no strings attached and maybe he'll find the inner peace that he's been looking for, for so long. Anyway, please welcome him when he comes in (I know you all will wink ) as he is really in need of encouragement and hope right now. Love to you all!

BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 4/27/2009 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
lostwife,
That is great news that he is now willing to get help.  It sounds like you are being extremely supportive of him and that you do still care for him a great deal.
 
My husband had another manic episode and is currently in the hospital involuntarily.  I know he's getting the care he needs but it has been so difficult for me.  I don't understand why he is throwing his life away.  I wish there was some way he would see that he needs help to get through this and continue getting help to manage it.
 
So, I am so glad that your husband is reaching out for help and that you are there to help him get it.
 
BPWife

lostwife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 4/27/2009 11:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Unfortunately it's a lifelong condition and there will always be ups and downs. The severity depends on the treatment; whether or not they're getting treatment, right? My husband truly believed that he could get it under control on his own, without medication, without therapy. Just by being strong. And when he couldn't do it, the extreme guilt and disappointment would set in. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom. That's when you seek help immediately, because once the mania sets in again, who needs treatment, right? Cause there's nothing wrong. Everyone's different. But I know that my husband, when manic, did/said things he doesn't remember. They don't mean to hurt you. It's not them. When he'd come down from his mania, the realization of his actions become apparent and he harbors guilt beyond most of the "average" person (whatever that is). It eats him up. He feels less of a person and not worthy. He's tormented and the whole thing is so heart-breaking. He told me yesterday that it was like having a parasite inside him that takes over and he just wants it out.

When you're in the middle of it, it's easy to be angry, resentful and fed up. I'm looking at everything from a whole new perspective now. I see him as a dear friend, someone who I care about and love, and I see it for what it is now, without my personal feelings/emotions being involved. Forgiveness, understanding and a sense of security is what you're husband needs, because when he comes down, he will probably have so much guilt, and you probably won't even know the extent of it because he may or may not be able to express it to you. It's so hard for the non-bp because sometimes we endure so much abuse. You can read some of my posts over the last year. I went through it all, sadness, extreme anger/resentment, feeling alone, unwanted, unloved. I'm here if you need to talk, you can e-mail me at any time! Hang in there! you're not alone! wink

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 4/27/2009 11:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Lostwife,

It's good to hear from you. You sound so wise! What you've gone through... I'm glad your husband is seeking help and OF COURSE he is welcome here. Tell him to come on in. It is a very lonely condition to live with in many ways. It really does help to have someone who has been through it tell you it's alright, they've been there too.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 4/27/2009 1:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, I have gone through all the emotions you speak of. My husband also does not think he has a problem at all. He has never continued his after care treatment when he gets out of the hospital. He must be SO afraid to accept his condition. But I do and no matter what I still love him. I understand that it is a lifelong condition, that there will be ups and downs and that we will have to work on this for the rest of our lives. But I'm willing to do it and I want to do it - for him. I actually do forgive him for everything he does while he's manic because I know it's the mania taking total control of him. Just before he went into the hospital he had a clear moment and while we were talking on the phone he said to me that he thinks he's a loser. I was heartbroken that he felt that way. I told him he wasn't a loser but an amazing, loving, caring, smart, sweet, friendly person with a ton of potential if he would just manage his condition and take his meds.

I'm so afraid of rock bottom because I don't think he's truly hit it yet and it would devastate me to see him hurt himself any more.

lostwife
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 39
   Posted 4/28/2009 8:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, I don't know what to say. He's reading a book on Borderline Personality Disorder and relating to that, which could be possible? He's checking in to AA which is wonderful. The question: is he avoiding bipolar all together because he's grasping for it to be something else? His mom played down the bp and said that her fiance really encouraged the AA, which is wonderful, but I think it's giving him false hope of being "cured", even though alcoholism is a disease as well. I don't think he wants to face that he has this condition- would rather it be anything else. Something more "treatable". He was diagnosed...by a doctor. He saw a therapist who identified it. Does he think that they were wrong? I think AA will really help him because the alcohol is definitely a trigger. Doesn't want to take meds. Looking for homeopathic remedies because fearful of the long-term effects of the meds.

I don't know. I just care and worry for him, but I know that all I can do is be there for him if he needs me and encourage him. I don't want to say too much. I don't want my feelings toward it or my caring to be misconstrued for being controlling or putting him down in ANY way again because we are not in a relationship anymore and he's feeling positive and hopeful now. I wouldn't do ANYTHING to make him feel otherwise. Like I said, I just care. He's doing what he feels he needs to do to get better (and I believe he can succeed!)- he's looking for help and I'm so grateful and proud of him for that because that's a big step!

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 4/28/2009 5:12 PM (GMT -7)   
All you can do is stand by and let him stumble through. There's no harm in him going to AA certainly. Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder get misdiagnosed for one another quite frequently, and often occur simultaneously, so it's not out of the question that he has it. BPD is no more "curable" than BP anyway and uses the same drugs for treatment. It would be great if he would just go to a doctor, but it's so much better for you if you just try to let him figure it out for himself. He's going to do it his way anyway.

It is a huge step that he's taking, and he's lucky to have you helping and encouraging him. I think you're right to just support him no matter what he decides and keep yourself from getting too invested in whatever strategy he picks.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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