Hi bluetiger. Don't give up. I know you can feel helpless with this situation because your wife isn't willing to cooperate. You must insist that she see the appropriate doctors to get the correct diagnosis and the right treatment. Don't give up. It is going to be very tiring to go through all this, but if you truly love her and are willing to go through more of the hell you are already going through, then insist and push and make the appointments and take her to the appointments and see the doctor with her.
My husband of 10 years is accepting the help and support I am giving him. He agreed to let me make the doctor appts, the counseling appts, the p-doc appts- all the appointments necessary to get him the help he needs so we can both deal with his bp. He has had raging manic episodes throughout, he has complained about having to go to the doctor appts, he has said some really mean and hurtful things and I could go on and on, but I have stuck around and tolerated ALL of it for the sake of our marriage, our kids.
Believe me, I have wanted to just give up on him and leave him to deal with himself by himself, but until I have exhausted ALL the resources we have to get him the help he needs, I won't give up on him or our marriage. I love the man. Some days it's really hard to find something good to love about him, but I do love him.
I go to individual counseling and now we are both going to marriage counseling. It helps. This forum helps. Keep coming here.