update: Hubby tried to commit suicide

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BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 5/6/2009 6:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, yesterday was a nightmare.  I couldn't wake him up in the morning - AT ALL, so instinctively I did a pill count and he took 26 2mg of Ativan.  I called poison control and they said to immediately hang up with them and call 911.  So I did.  Before 7am I had 6 ambulance attendants and 4 cops in my house... my poor kids.  They were more interested, but my oldest knew something was up.  Anyways, he slept monitored until I had to leave for work and he tried to leave too - ripped out his IV (bled all over the place) and the heart monitors and stuff he was on - the nurse came over and said if he wasn't compliant they'd put him in restraints... that was the last I heard until lunch when my mom called.  She went down to see him and was shocked to see him tied to the bed - one arm over his head and the other at his side... and "oh was he angry" she said.  But he let her feed him lunch and then fell into a really deep sleep which is the state I found him in when I went back after work.  I didn't bother waking him up and went home to feed my kids dinner (albeit macaroni) and put them to bed.  My gf came and watched them so I could go back where he was awake and wanted answers.  He still didn't make much sense and kept repeating his questions.  He was joking about how "i picked a doozy" and was so nonchalant about the whole event ("i was having a good sleep", etc).  He told the pdoc on that night that he started to get a good buzz off the couple that he took so he took more, but didn't remember taking that many... he also blamed me, our kids and our relationship as to the "escape" he needed from. ouch.  I basically said to him that i'm going to assume right now the ativan hasn't wore off and i'm not going to take that personally, and he shrugged his shoulders.  He said as selfish as it sounds, it's just so easy to fall into a nice sleep and never wake up.
So, they got him a bed in psych, he barely said goodbye and I left.  The psych nurse came out after me and tried to reassure me that he didn't mean what he said, blah blah blah - and I tried to leave with a smile, but when the words are said, meaningful or not, it hurts.  And you start to wonder if they're actually true, especially when it's the same thing he says every time.
Well... that's my update...
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN


loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 5/6/2009 8:30 PM (GMT -7)   
BP_Spouse, I am sorry for all the difficulties your H's illness is putting you through. Keep in mind, you & your kids matter too, and while it is tragic how ill he is, there may come a point where he needs to sink or swim on his own. The hospital and his family can be there for him. You have young children counting on you to raise them in the face of all that adversity - and with all the abuse being heaped at you it will only serve to weaken your ability to do what is best for you and the kids. It beats you down over time to the point of feeling trapped by it all and perfectly helpless. While being ill is not your husband’s choice, YOU DO have a choice to allow his illness to abuse you or not. I guess what I am saying is that you are NOT helpless to make choices here and I wanted to remind you of that. Only you know what the best choices are for you and the kids....and then in third place...even your husband. Nothing says you can't step away, get on with your life, legally separate even...but not divorce if you don’t want to...hoping and praying he becomes well enough and responsible about his illness....for a long enough independent period of time to try and SLOWLY with therapy put your broken family back together one day. But....this is HIS battle to fight, and maybe you have to get out of the way of it and let him fight it while you protect you and the kids. Otherwise, the damage his illness can cause could be huge to those kids at the level of illness he is. Think about it this way...if your family were on a plane and you needed to put on the air masks in an emergency...the airlines say put yours on first and then the kids....HE would have to put on his own MASK...YOU would be taking care of you...then the kids. You wouldn't take care of him above those kids - HE's an adult. Remember, without YOU....THEY have nothing!!!!!!!!!! Your situation is no different. I will hold out good thoughts for all of you in this trying time. LFW

mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 5/6/2009 9:51 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry you are going through this.
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 5/7/2009 8:08 AM (GMT -7)   
What a terrible thing. How awful for all of you. I'm glad he's in the hospital -- it's just where he needs to be. When he gets out, you need to evaluate his attitude and consider your own needs. You've done more than most women would. Just hang on until he's out. He's in a very bad place right now.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 5/8/2009 3:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone.  He's at home now, but we're just waiting for a bed for him at a Mental Health Facility about 1/2 hour from our house.  I wrote him a long letter about how I was feeling and how i'm ready to walk and how selfish what he did was... said how s*itty life can be, but it's no different from other people in s*itty situations and we could make it through it if he tried, but if he's not willing to then I can't take this anymore - what he did pushed me over the edge.  If it were just me, i'd stay because as annoying and distrupting it is, I can handle it - I just can't handle the boys going through this.  I need this break that's coming up - he's on med review again and we'll see what happens when he goes away.  I am just so torn.  My girlfriend told me that she cried FOR me the other night because she just doesn't know how I handle it... hell, I don't even know... maybe i don't?  Well... that's us for now in a nut shell...
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN

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