My wife is bipolar don't know what to do

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loving someone
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/6/2009 12:16 PM (GMT -7)   
I love my wife dearly and she was dig. with bp in 2003 and given meds she never took.  She has been self medicating since. She has left me five times in the last 8 yrs  We have been together for over 11yrs and married for almost ten. I found out a little over a month ago she was seeing one of my so called friends.  This guy is 26 she is almost 28 he has never had a jod and is into drugs  the only thing they have in common is pill popping.  I asked her what and why this was happening she said she wasn't happy and never was and she was leaving and getting a divorse. everything has been down hill ever since!  she claims i am harrasing her said i threatened to kill her( i went to jail for this) I never said or did any thing of the sort  I constantly tell her I love her>  I tell my kids the same.  She seems to be so content with what she is doing!!  I think she is completely manic and I cant go by her now because she got a restraining order filed for divorse and everything>  She has always got papers previously but never filled and she always makes up stuff to get a restaining order and tells everyone I am the problem.  She has told very few people she is bp and the ones she has can see it.  But when she leaves she surronds herself with new people that don't know and tells them I made it up! We just came out of this 9 mounths ago and she said she was going to get help and she got a doc to give her adderall because she made them think she was adhd adderall was one of the drugs she has abused inthe past along with vicoden and other pain meds.  also other drugs have came in like coke x and who knows what else. She can be the best perosn inthe world , strong mom , determand , loving and caring and then like a light switch poof all that is gone and it all comes on me.  I have done alot of reading on bp but is there anyone that can give me help.  I didnt ask for this but have stud by her thru it and don't want to give up! My kids dont want me to either but I feel that there is nothing to do but wait!  she even brought this new guy to our first divorce hearing  This time she is doing things that she has never done. She bail this guy out of jail and he was in there for violation of domestic abuse restraing order.  It seems she is out to make me look like the bad guy.  She thinks he is a saint.  I am scared he will hurt her and my kids.  How long do these manic periods last and Do you think she will come back We have had a pretty decent life together Two kids house she doesn't work and I spoil her but money has been tight lately But this guy has nothing not a dime she is borrowing money and giving it to him My son 10 yrs old said dad i think he is using her . I thought to myself he is and he is destroying her life  but at the end of the day my wife is letting him I don't understand why!!  thank for taking the time to read  any advice would be great and plz dont bash me for wanting to stay with her  Everyone has told me to leave and I have hope that things can and will get better in time

loving someone
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/6/2009 1:48 PM (GMT -7)   
can anyone help me anybody have any suggestion should i hang in there

mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 5/6/2009 1:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Well to me it sounds more like you should be doing everything in your power to make things ok for you and your kids. Do you have a lawyer? You need to find out your legall rights and fight for custody if you believe that they are in danger, and see what your rights are as far as forcing her into a mental eval. and insist on the courts looking at her past diagnosis and refusal to treat.
There is only so much you can do for your marriage if she is refusing treatment and already moving on.
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 5/7/2009 8:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Loving Someone,

Thank you for joining Healing Well and welcome to the bipolar board.

I think it's time you faced reality a bit. Your marriage is over. Your wife is bipolar. She is manic. But she's seeing another man, she has a restraining order, she's started divorce proceedings. Get yourself a lawyer and work your butt off to get custody of those kids. They definitely shouldn't be in her custody. She's unpredictable, a drug addict, and seeing a man with a history of domestic violence.

Mania doesn't get better on its own, it gets worse, and then it turns into depression. That's the nature of bipolar. She's not going to just come to her senses without a trip to the doctor, some medication, and THE WILL TO CHANGE. She's got to want to save your marriage, and she doesn't want to.

I'm really sorry. I hate to be so blunt, but you seem to need to hear it.
Good luck,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


loving someone
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/7/2009 9:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Serafena , She has done this before and said it was over but she always comes back to me I feel she got the restrainig order to protect this guy from me. He is a very bad person when she is manic she clings to people that mean nothing to her and when she returns she never speaks to them again. I am starting to see it maybe over this time but that is said everytime. She is putting herself in danger without even noticeing it. I do have an attorney and I am tring to get the kids but for some reason when she like this she seems to everyone else like a normal person. But to me she is doing everything that she normally wouldn't do to me or the kids.

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 5/7/2009 10:44 PM (GMT -7)   

Loving someone, it is so interesting to me that regardless of the individuality of each of our "stories", the feedback in SO many cases remains the same.  I posted this response to another spouse in crisis just yesterday, and it fits for you as well even though your "story" has different details.  So I cut and pasted much of it to you now.  Although I did change the fact that I originally wrote it to a woman who's H is in a tragically bad way and currently hospitalized, although that is not necessarily halting his verbal abuse when she goes to visit and what that is doing to her and their kids. 

 

So, here it is for you now…..

 

I am sorry for all the difficulties your W's illness is putting you through. Keep in mind, you & your kids matter too, and while it is tragic how ill she is, there may come a point where she needs to sink or swim on her own. Her choices, during an episode or not, are HER responsibility.  There are countless BP's on the board that when they feel something coming, they ACTIVELY commit to getting help for THEMSELVES.  You have young children counting on you to raise them in the face of all this adversity - and with all the abuse being heaped at you it will only serve to weaken your ability to do what is best for you and the kids. It beats you down over time to the point of feeling trapped by it all and perfectly helpless. While being ill is not your W's choice, YOU DO have a choice to allow her illness to abuse you or not. I guess what I am saying is that you are NOT helpless to make choices here and I wanted to remind you of that. Only you know what the best choices are for you and the kids....and then in third place...even for your W. Nothing says you can't step away, get on with your life, legally separate even...but not divorce if you don’t want to...hoping and praying she becomes well enough and responsible about her illness....for a long enough independent period of time to try and SLOWLY with therapy put your broken family back together one day – IF that is what YOU REALLY want. But....this is HER battle to fight, and maybe you have to get out of the way of it and let her fight it while you protect you and the kids first and foremost. Otherwise, the damage her illness can cause could be huge to those kids at the level of illness hers is. Think about it this way...if your family were on a plane and you needed to put on the air masks in an emergency...the airlines say put yours on first and then the kids....SHE would have to put on her own MASK...YOU would be taking care of you...then the kids. You wouldn't take care of her above those kids - SHE's an adult. Remember, without YOU....THOSE KIDS have nothing!!!!!!!!!! Your situation is no different.

 

You are entitled to a life you want too.  I would ask you...is this it?  If it is not, then get your priorities in place and let your W own her own behavior...and YOU take care of your kids and go GET the life you want for you and those kids. There is no shame is letting go if it is time for you to.  You should be taking as good care of yourself, as you have tried to take of your W all these years, and you should be taking even BETTER care of those kids.  As yourself ARE YOU?  You sound as if you have been through the ringer with her and your family deserves better than its getting.  Good luck to you, I will hold out good thoughts for all of you in this trying time. LFW


BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 5/8/2009 3:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I understand where you're coming from. My husband was just got out of the hospital after taking a handful of pills and being unable to wake up in the morning. My situation isn't quite as severe as yours but if it were, this is what I'd do. First of all, I've always had a line drawn at cheating so if she is blatantly dating someone else before you're divorced - that in itself should be enough for you to walk away. What if she was doing this and wasn't bipolar - would you put up with it? I think you should fight for custody of your kids and leave her.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN


chappie
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 5/12/2009 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   
I want to encourage you to get a divorce so you can move one with your life. Being bp does not give you the right to abuse your spouse or kids. her personality and bp are intertwinted. some behaviors are because of her bp while some behaviors are just who she is. remember the past but look forward to a future without her behavior. life is to short to go thru what she puts you thru.I will pray for you and your kids...GBU
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