New Member-Please help me if you can!

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New Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/25/2009 12:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello!!!! I just stumbled across this forum when looking for answers for many health
conditions. So far I've been diagnosed with bipolar (rapid cycling/uncharictarized), boarderline personality disorder, anxiety, panic attacks, adhd,o.c.d., o.c.p.d.,etc. I'm pretty frustrated at this point. I just recently quit taking verapamil because of some bothersome side effects..and because they quit helping me. I was put on gabapentin for abdomnial pain but when it wasn't helping (because it was the wrong type of medication :/) and it was giving me horrible withdrawls, I quit taking it. During the end of my cycle with gabapentin I started hearing voices more intensely. I've been hearing them for a long time but since they're in my head I didn't think it was anything to be concerned about. These voices are not my own thoughts and have different pitches...male and female. I also have hallucinations. I haven't told my pdoc yet. I'm scared to and I don't even trust him anyways. I feel really really lost. I'm having so many mental and physical issues all at once that I'm overwhelmed. Especially since I'm not getting any answers. I'm just being shuffled between doctors. I'm wondering if they don't think I'm a "valid" patient because A.) I don't have insurance , B.) because I'm chronically ill, C.) because I'm a psych patient, or D.) all of the above. I'm waiting for our insurance to activate but my issues are becoming bothersome. I have really disturbing hallucinations at night. I'm not even sure what really is happening. At first I thought it was possession by a demonic pressence. (yeah...I sound insane. =/ I know how it sounds. But it first started happening one night when I was praying...which I didn't normally do at the time.)  Well, I consulted a pastor who prayed over my house...and it stopped for awhile...but now it's back. Whatever is going on it seems to be frequent when I'm really really sick. I'll be laying in bed trying to fall asleep when it feels like something pushes into my chest. My vision blurs and I can't scream. I try fighting it but it's very difficult. Could these be seizures? Delusions? What's happening to me?! =[ The last time it happend I screamed and kicked my husband...or so I thought. He said he didn't feel it...and I wasn't asleep. There was no waking moment. I was already awake and sometimes when it happens I pass out. Sometimes it happens repeatedly. I already have enough problems sleeping when I'm manic, like now, but this really makes me afraid to go to bed. I also haven't been able to find anything to help the mania except for ativan...which I'm trying to ween off of. =/ I'm having a really hard time the point of not remembering a lot. Does anybody know if adderall can be used for mania? I took it in highschool and it helped. I want to ask my pdoc but I'm not sure if it would give me other problems. I'm sorry this is so long and for rambling. =/ Really manic...=[

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 5/25/2009 11:15 AM (GMT -6)   

Welcome to HealingWell and to the Bipolar board. Thanks for joining us.

You really need to get some extensive help soon because it sounds like your bipolar and mania is taking a turn for the worse. It definitely seems like you are having extreme hallucinations and you absolutely need to let your doctor know. Hallucinations are a sign of the advanced stages of mania.

I'm sorry you don't have insurance, that definitely complicates things, but you need to deal with this anyway. If necessary, go to the emergency room. Hospitalization may be the only answer to get you stabilized right now.

Adderall is for ADHD and Narcolepsy, not bipolar. It's an amphetamine, and it's very unlikely your doc is going to give a manic person an "upper."

Best of luck,
keep us in the loop,

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

New Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 5/26/2009 2:49 PM (GMT -6)   
I have ADHD so being put on an ADHD medication isn't unlikely.
Adderall may be an "upper" but my chemistry responds to it as a "downer".
Another example of my chemistry responding unfavorably to
a medication; I tried lithium, an anti-manic medication, and it
caused me to have severe rapid-cycling and insomnia. I was
up for four days and almost ended up inpatient.
When I was on it before it slowed down my thinking process.
Though I have read up on adderall and was surprised when I saw
it listed as an amphetamine. I've taken amphetamines before
and adderall didn't affect me like they did. My suggestion for adderall
was just me "thinking outside of the box" and trying to find treatment
options that my doctor hasn't thought of.

Even if I wasn't ADHD it also wouldn't be unlikely for a doctor to
put me on a medication not listed for the treatment of bipolar.
It's happend more than once. Plus in the world of mental health
it's very possible that they could've misdiagnosed me...or really
don't know what they're doing. As someone with bipolar or any M.I.
I'm sure you can vouch for that.

You know...thinking back to nearly two years ago when I first started seeing
my pdoc I should've known that he wouldn't be able to help me.
The first time I saw him he even said he wasn't sure what to do with me
because of past reactions to medications and different M.I.'s conflicting with
each other and the treatment options.

And as for treatment options...I've come to the end of the line with medication options.
It figures...I was on trileptal for 7 days and referred to it as "the perfect drug" (N.I.N. song)
and thought there was hope. But on the 11th day I had a severe allergic reaction and had to
seek immediate medical attention because I stopped breathing.

My insurance was supossed to be active by now. Actually it was supossed to be
active over a week ago. I guess I'll have to call them and figure out what's holding it up.
I decided that I would give my current pdoc another chance...but from the hopeless
confussed look he gives me at each session I'm not sure there's much he can do.
I can't tell you how many times I've considered inpatient this year but unfortunately
I have two children and very little help from family to take care of them..and my husband has
to work. I keep thinking back to the pre-baby days where I had the option to go inpatient...but
of course my condition took an extreme jump to the worse post-pregnancy.

I'm sorry for the rambling. =p My thought process is unfiltered and even more so when I'm manic. I'm going to quit overanalyzing this situation and go look for some more answers.
Thank you for your reply, Serafena!! =]

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 5/26/2009 8:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi again GoghsMissingEar,

This may be a good occasion to look into outpatient programs. Ask your doc about programs in your area.

I know how it is with children, I really do. But you may have to find a way to get a daytime sitter while you take care of yourself and your husband works. Your health is important too, especially because if you're ill, you're not mothering as well as you could be. I know how expensive it is. But if it means a week off to get yourself stabilized, it'd be worth it.

Don't give up! You are not out of medication options -- there are so many to try. We all have been what you've been through -- medications which seem hopeful but which ultimately give us side effects, reactions or don't work at all. But keep trying, because there's something out there that will help. Maybe it's going to take a better doc to figure it out. You might need to start with a new doc.

best of luck,
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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