Bipolar and just had a baby....I need help please

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LindzKaye09
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 5/25/2009 6:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm 25 years old, have a seven year old daughter, and a one month old son. I was on meds for BP for about three months then found out I was pregnant and stopped the medication. The pregnancy was horrible, emotional wise, but it has gotten much worse since I had my son. I think about leaving my family, going out to drink and do drugs and I'm constantly in a manic mood....I can't stop crying or stop thinking about hurting myself. I actually got in a fight with my husband the other day and hit and kicked him a couple of times and then just left the house and drove around. I've tried getting in to see my doctor and telling him what is going on, but they keep saying it's going to be almost another month before they can get me in. My husband is in the Navy and we just moved to a new town and I have no one to help me with the kids and I don't know where to go to get the help I need....I just don't know what to do or where to go. If anyone has any advice on how to deal with this a little better I would really appreciate it...I'm sure my husband and kids would also.

Thank you
Lindz

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 5/25/2009 8:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi LindzKaye09,

Welcome to HealingWell and the bipolar board. Thanks for joining us. I hope we can help out.

I see you having two options. One is to hang on and wait the month. In fact, I think you should make an appointment now in any case. You're going to need to see a psychiatrist no matter what and the sooner you make the appointment, the sooner you'll get in to see one.

The second is to check yourself into a hospital. If you're having thoughts of hurting yourself, that's really not okay, and you need to see a professional about that ASAP. I know that's scary. I've been there too. But in the end, it's good. It gives you a break and a chance to catch your breath, concentrate on yourself and getting better, and you come out with a new outlook. I don't know how it works with the Navy though. Do you need a recommendation? Can you go to the emergency room?

Always know you can come here and vent. We've heard it all and won't judge.
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


LindzKaye09
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 5/25/2009 8:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for replying. First of all. I have two children, a house, and a husband to take care of, therefore I don't have the choice to check myself into a facility and get a break...no matter how much I want to sometimes. My husband can't take care of the kids by himself, he can barely take care of himself sometimes. Secondly, I know I need help, I don't know how, but I know I need help soon. I scare myself and my husband and the kids when I get i these moods. None of them deserve it and the kids don't need to be subjected to that kind of behavior. I would never kill myself. My kids are the only reason why I get out of bed sometimes and I would never leave them. Hurting myself is more of a release sometimes.

BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 5/26/2009 9:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Lindz,
I am so sorry that you are having a hard time. I'm sure having a baby is hard enough and then having to work on the BP must make it even more difficult. Since you feel that you can't check yourself into the hospital for a few days to get the treatment you need to get stablized, perhaps there is a mental/behavioral health department at the hospital that you can reach out to. Some hospitals have mental/behavioral health clinics that have emergency crisis teams that can come to your home to evaluate you. You may also be able to explain your situation to them and perhaps they can get you to the doctor sooner. However, as Serafena said, even if the appointment isn't for another month, still make the appointment so you can see a psychiatrist.

It's great that you know that you need help and want to get some. Just don't be frustrated. Look on the internet to see if there are any support groups or clinics near you.

Also, you need to start thinking of yourself. Yes, your husband, children and home need you to take care of them. But they need you to take care of yourself first. Otherwise, you aren't able to take care of them.

Don't give up on looking for help - it is out there.

BPWife

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 5/26/2009 6:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Lindz,

Well then definitely make that appointment and we'll do everything we can to keep you okay until that meeting.

BPWife's suggestion of looking for a support group is a great idea. I also highly recommend seeking out a therapist in addition to your psychiatrist. Especially when you're working so hard to maintain a home and raise a family, sometimes the last person who gets your attention is you. Therapy is great, because it gives you a chance to air your concerns and complaints and feel better.

I was a self-injurer too. It's not a good option. The key is to distract yourself with something else when you feel the urge coming on. If you want, I can give you some tips on doing that.

Keep coming here too. This is a great place to vent and get ideas, so keep it up.

Good luck,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


maggiern
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 5/27/2009 5:40 PM (GMT -7)   

Lindz, 

Look on line for support groups in your area and go to one, and then ask questions about who can you contact to get into someone faster, they have a lot of inside information.  Another thing you can do is call a local hospital and talk to someone in their mental health unit, they may have a contact for you to get a doctor ASAP, also call the number on your insurance card for mental health tell them you need help and can't go into a hospital maybe they will get you to someone to help.  Last never say never when it comes to suicidal thoughts, they sometimes can override your thought process. Remember Post Partum Depression can also be playing a big part in this. Hang in there and please post if you need to talk, also write this number down just in case. 

National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

LindzKaye09
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 5/27/2009 9:35 PM (GMT -7)   
BPWife, serafena, and maggiern ~ First of all, thank you for your reply. I did check to see if there are any support groups near to me and there are. My problem there, is being able to go. My husband has to stay on his ship multiple days at a time, therefore I am home alone with the kids and have no baby sitter. I'm also not working right now, so money is very tight and I don't know anyone who will keep an eye on them for a little while without being payed. I was able to get an appointment to see someone tomorrow through a crisis hotline. Although I'm very thankful to get the appointment, I'm also very apprehensive about going, I'm really not sure why though.

Serafena, I would appreciate some tips from you about the self-injuring. Although I don't do it often, it's hard to find an outlet that helps as much as that. I've tried, exercise, writing, finding different hobbies, etc. My logic, as screwed up as it may sound to some people, is that I'd much rather hurt myself than my family or friends any more than I already have. It's just so much easier to take it out on myself than them. Although I do take my frustrations out on them so much, they don't deserve it and I usually feel an immense amount of shame about it afterward. Because it is my fault for being this way and letting myself get so worked up over the tiniest things, it's not their fault.

I've found that one of the worst things about any kind of depression, is that you think about yourself A LOT. Sometimes we need to put ourselves first, but I've done that so much in the past (Example: Drug and alcohol abuse) and have been looked down upon for it, that it's hard to do. That's why I decided to come here and vent. My family has heard enough of my problems and dealt with it long enough....it's just very hard to talk to any of them about it anymore. As much as I love my husband, he is very naive and wants be to be norma, therefore I can't really talk to him about these things, he doesn't know how to handle it very well. Here, ya'll can read my bulletins if you want to, but you don't have to sit there and listen to me talk and cry and ramble on and on about my racing thoughts and ideas. =-)

Thank you for the number maggiern, but my sister attempted suicide about seven years ago and I saw how much that hurt my family and I will NEVER make them go through that again. You can believe me 100% on that statement. If I ever get to a point where I think I might really hurt myself, I will call the police myself and have them hall me back off to the physc ward.

Is it weird to any one else that although my kids set me off sometimes, I find that they also keep me very calm most of the time? I was just thinking back to when I was in the hospital...I had a lot more outbursts when my daughter WASN'T around and was much more agitated....

Thank you all for your help and advice though, it is greatly appreciated

Lindz

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 5/28/2009 8:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lindz,

I know so well what you mean when you say you'd rather hurt yourself than those around you. That's exactly what it's like. But unfortunately, it's kind of a false sense of comfort. When my husband discovered I'd been injuring, he was devastated. There's a mountain of guilt you're carrying around with you, and it's time for you to try and put it down. You don't need to feel guilty for being depressed. It's not your fault. You haven't done anything wrong. That's like feeling guilty for getting a cold. It doesn't make sense. You just need to get treatment and feel better. Your family isn't mad at you, they just want you to feel better. Hurting yourself may relieve some of that tension in the short term, but it only adds to it in the long term.

Well, there are a couple of levels to getting off the SI. Get rid of all your "tools." All of them. Throw them away and don't keep anything.

First is tricking yourself out of actually hurting yourself.

Try putting a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it hard instead of injuring. You'll still hurt a little, but you won't do any damage.
Another trick is to write on yourself with a pen or marker where you'd normally be injuring. You get the sense of marking the body, but again you're not hurting yourself.
Finally, you can squeeze a few ice cubes in your bare hands until it hurts (and it will!) but obviously, you won't hurt yourself.

Second is learning to distract yourself from doing the SI at all.

Sure you can journal, draw, etc when you feel the urge come on, but I think doing something more engaging and consuming is more useful. Something you can't break off in the middle of and SI. Like, make a batch of cookies, even if it's the middle of the night. Call your best friend. Go for a walk. Watch a funny movie.

Eventually you will break the habit of SI. It takes practice, that's all. I wish you luck.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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