LindzKay09, Making a marriage work when one of the spouses is BP is hard, I won't lie. I am a spouse to a BP H. I will be very direct and honest with you. In my household, it would be a deal breaker if my H did not take his meds, or did not go to therapy. It is an absolute to any BP in my opinion. I do understand that you don't want to be 'zombied' out as you put it. I truly get that; I would not want that either. But that is an indication to me that you are not on the right meds, you are over medicated with whatever your pdoc has you on, AND most importantly....you are NOT with potentially the right pdoc for you; especially if they are not working with you closely on this and paying attention to that feedback that you are felling that way. But, then I also have to ask, are you sticking with a medication long enough for side effects to go away??
A spouse is your partner in the BP. They are there to support their loved ones. But I don't think any of us got married saying to ourselves, "I want to become a caretaker to the person I married instead of having them as my partner." The responsibility of the BP spouse is to be totally committed to their own wellness, be honest with their spouse, and not deceive themselves saying they don't need the meds or support system. Some of that support system should also come from outside sources vs. just your spouse....such as: Group Therapy for BP, REGULAR individual therapy for the BP, couples therapy for the marriage, regular appointments with the pdoc, family members, friends...etc. You spouse should only be one member of your wellness team.
I urge you to recognize that the REASON you sometimes don't feel you need the meds is because you are either passing through the "balanced" zone during that time....or, you are momentarily FEELING what you think is normal. But the fact that it cannot stay consistent...it WILL NOT stay consistent, is exactly why you DO need your meds....so that you, the BP can ALWAYS feel that way. Not just during a pass through moment.
If you want your marriage to work...then the work needs to start with you. OWN the fact that you are BP, and do the responsible things you need to in order to be the partner your spouse married and the love will have a chance to exist. It is possible. But it is not easy....it starts with you. Plus, the more you own it, and stop swinging and taking things out on your H, the more open he will be to start learning about what you are dealing with and becoming a real part of your team. The denial is simply a defense to not face it if you won't. Think about it. Best of luck....LFW
Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 5/26/2009 10:11:38 PM (GMT-6)