Thomas...hang in there. Being bipolar and feeling ashamed seem to go hand in hand. While in manic states we all do things we later regret. It is very hard to get to the place where we forgive ourselves, much less others forgiving us for ways we may have slighted them.
Bipolar meds are hit and miss for everyone. It really does take time for the right combination to be found for each person. But it is important to give each med a lot of time to see it's true help or lack of. I suffered from dizzying side effects for 2 weeks when starting mine. My dizzyness was so bad that I and my husband thought something was seriously wrong with me...to the point of going to urgent care and having a cat scan!
But I suffered through it and it eventually wore off.
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch