Possible Bipolar, ruining marriage

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cmhxjh0408
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/20/2009 3:12 PM (GMT -7)   

I have no officially be diagnosised with Bi Polar yet, but it is a strong possiblity and I am going to the doctor on Monday and will hopefully have a firm diagnosis.  Maybe I'm just looking for a reason to why I act or feel the way that I do, I don't know.  I just want some answers and I do know or actually feel like something is wrong with me.

I am ruining my marriage and I don't know how to stop myself from doing it.  I am severly depressed, very impulsive, financially irresponsible, severe mood swings, irritated easily, highs and lows at the same time, and not really suicidal thoughts but have thought that things would be better off "if" I were dead.  Have never thought about hurting myself or others.  I have had severe insomnia for years, anxeity, and depression on and off for the past 15 years. 

I cannot control myself at all and I don't know what to do and it is costing me my marriage.  I was diagnosised with severe depression back in February and started taking meds for it. I was doing pretty good for a little while but now I am back to feeling and acting like I was before.  I am so financially irresponsible that I have let get out of hand.  It's not like we don't have the money to pay, I just don't do it.  I'm not out shopping or anything (but I have done that in the past spend like you wouldn't believe). 

Dh said in the past that if I mess up one more time that he is gone, well I did mess up again. He doesn't know about it yet, and I have no idea how to tell him. If it is Bi Polar then I have an excuse and need to learn how to control it.  If it's not, then I don't know what my problem.  But I can tell you, even if it is Bi Polar, that is not going to make a difference to him.  He doesn't think anything is wrong with me.

I don't know what to do.  Maybe like I said I'm just looking for an excuse.  But has anyone else felt this way or acted this way? 

Thanks for listening


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 6/20/2009 6:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi cmhxjh0408,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. We're not doctors, so we really can't help diagnose you, but you certainly sound ready for a trip to the psychiatrists for an evaluation.

I'll more to say later,

Good luck,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


cmhxjh0408
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/21/2009 9:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for your warm welcome.
 
Monday is a doctors appointment for me to start the evaluation.  This weekend has been really dragging.  During the day I go from one extreme to the other. 
 
I guess why questions in all of these are:  how to you tell your DH about being Bipolary?  How do you get him to understand that it's not an excuse but a reason?  How do you get him to understand that something IS wrong when he's going to deny it?
 
Thanks again,

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 6/21/2009 5:58 PM (GMT -7)   
The thing is, Bipolar really ISN'T an excuse. It's a reason. It would explain a lot of weird and bad behavior but you know right from wrong. You can stop yourself if you have to.

With bipolar, once you get into treatment, you feel much more stable and you have far fewer impulses to make bad decisions, but they will still be there. You will still have to be responsible for your behavior. It will be easier to make good decisions, but they will still be your decisions to make.

Hang onto your latest misdeed until after you see your doctor. Talk to your doctor. If he/she diagnoses you as bipolar, go home and talk to your dh about that first. You've got to deal with that first. Both you and he need to get educated about your medical condition and then you can deal with whatever extra painful problem is waiting. Don't wait too long, but try to present it in the context of your illness.

I wish you luck,
keep us updated,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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