I am trying to find away to stay in good spirits but is difficult. I have seen my therapist but my doc appt. is yet till the 7th of July. This doc I have not met. I could if I choose to voluntarily go to their treatment facility.
Here is the problem I have. I have never been hospitalized for the bipolar! It’s the mixed state that is kickin my rear. One day I am ok the next I'm not. Sometimes it’s within the day. I have klonopin and its 1mg 3 times a day. Some days R worse so maybe 1 or ½ klonopin just to help me get out of the house! I get eczema on my hands and arms & the klonopin helps this due to the anxiety and panic attacks it sometimes turns really red and itchy. The therapist said it seems to be like a hive situation where I breakout when I get in to an anxious or panicky situation. Maybe, I'm not downing that suggestion. I used to be on Lamictal along time ago around 2006. I stopped that med. It was making me way too tired. This past Dec. New Doc. An actual team of doctors (no Behavioral Health Place) my Doc. used Depakote. My Psychiatrist stopped the Depakote and then switch to Lithium in Jan . I was afraid of the Lithium but took it anyway then I got fired. I stopped taking everything and went into a deep depression.
Forward to now the end of June almost July. I have not been on anything but the Klonopin, which I ran out of for a good month & a ½ but an ER Doc. was kind enough to write me a script
of them. (The visit, jus an ankle sprain) It was just my responsibility to get them filled.
Ok now this is maybe what started the mixed state of emotions. I had no money. My husband nor do I have jobs. I was fired in Jan. and never got another @ that time I lost my Health Ins. (I know it makes me sound like an idiot.) My husband has been @ home taking care of our daughter for about
3 years. He tried to work in the middle of these 3 years. The way I worked…ANYTIME we couldn’t have that. I wanted more from my job than I got apparently. We have moved to Colorado; which is our 2nd move. (I say 2nd because we moved to OK 1st. for 1 month) That place was not Healthy for my family. (Let me say it was VERY DIRTY) While I love it here in CO I hate the job situation. I have applied for my SSD, & SSI, I need my income back as well as Health Ins. But holding down a job @ this time isn’t wise to me. I am not sure when these mixed state of emotions are going to end. Its been a terrible 6 months.
(Sorry this is turning out 2 be so long)
My husband… I am not sure what to tell him any more. He simply doesn’t understand the entirety of this situation. I would possibly take the stay @ the treatment facility.... No I am not saying that “Its this great cure” the side effects are much less potent than what I know from the prescript
ions I have been on. If I am depressed and forgetting to eat or forgetting ANYTHING I was suppose to do I can set aside the depression and at least clean up! Or if I am in a manic euphoria I can chill out and in the end go to sleep.
The place I go to isn’t a psychiatrist’s office or docs’ office like I am used to. It’s a behavioral health and substance abuse place. My weight thankfully is back around 105 but in the past week I dropped to 95 lbs. I went to the ER I can remember things messing up because that is when I fell down the stairs of the friend apt. where we stay. I was pi**ed off at my self for doing something so stupid but my husband didn’t understand @ that time. Falling and not being about
to fill the much-needed script
I had made everything worse. End result is why I called this behavioral place. I wasn’t thinking about
the substance abuse part cuz I don’t abuse any substance. I am just trying 2 do the right thing in getting some kind of help with no Health Ins.
Now I am trying to make it to the 7th of July to see an actual doctor. Playing the waiting game on my SSD & SSI. I just don’t know what to tell my husband anymore we argue a lot right now. I try not to but he has NO job right now. Not being able to support our selves is driving me to a worse state. I tried to get a job a few days before my SSD appt. and that didn’t end well either tis why I choose applying for SSD. I read all the reasons why people apply and I felt I fit the criteria. Each day that I wait to hear back (which they give you 180 day denial or approval time) I have feelings of guilt.
My husband looks on Craigslist, submitted 3 applications and called may places. Jus no luck yet. I sometimes look for him and he gets upset. I feel like if he don’t get a job soon I am going to have to really push my-self to get a job no matter what. I was trying to leave it up to him but I am not sure I can.
I will be on all day so I am jus needing someone to talk to that has delt or can relate.
(I had to edit your post to fit with Rules #1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use or exchange, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). and #2. No discussion of medical marijuana use. I can see how it's very important to your life, but it's very controversial, and we try to discourage that topic here. Thanks, serafena)
Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 6/29/2009 7:24:46 PM (GMT-6)