Don't know how much patience i have left..

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george135
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/6/2009 6:43 AM (GMT -7)   
hello,
 
firstly i have read some of the stories on this wondeful site and to be honest they make mine seem rather weightless
but i need a second opinion on my thoughts so here goes nothing :)
 
i have been dating my girlfriend for just over a year, i met her as a happy go lucky girl, always smiling and never troubled by anything. about 2 months into our relationship this lovely young girl feel apart in my hands as she was diagnose with depression and anxeity. I dealt with it well at first and supported her as she spent almost three months in the priory. I continue to support her now but since the therapy she has changed so much. It was no more than 5 months ago that she was eventually diagnosed with bi polar. Her personality has become sharper and she talks alot less than she used to, as her boyfriend i have found this withdrawal differcult to deal with, conversation and any attempt to approach her about it ends in arguements and i feel like i cant bare to do nothing but all my attempts push us closer to a break up. The priory brought up her painful past of sexual abuse and it has been 5 months since we have cuddled or had any sexual contact including snogging and i dont know how much longer i can stand by a woman that gives me nothing to indicate that her feelings remain the same for me. She says she will have a panic attack if we have sex and she'l reel in discontent if i try. I have told one woman i know of my issues and she said to leave her, im only 17 and i need to get on with my life and that i can come back to her when we are both ready for a relationship but i find this solution impossible to swallow. She lost alot of weight at the start fo the ilness and has gained weight now, i fear this is only the beginnning and time wont heal the situation. Is there anything i can do?

jeeper
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 7/6/2009 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Sounds like you are both in a lot of pain.  Since she is dealing with the sexual abuse issues as well as being bi polar she is likely not able to be there emotiionally for you.  You did not indicate whether or not she is on medication.  If she is, it takes a while, sometimes several months or longer for someone to find the right combination of meds.  Is she in therapy?  To take on someone with all this emotional turmoil is a lot for anyone, but particularly for someone of your age.  If you choose to stay with her and support her through this then be prepared to continue to be on an emotional roller coaster. If you choose to move on, no one would blame you.  Best of luck to you and keep posting here as it really does help.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/6/2009 5:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi George135,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board.

It's not really a question of how much patience you have. You are both young and she needs a lot of help. A lot more help than you can give. Even people who have been married for years struggle with the same questions you are asking here. I get the sense that if you knew she would do her best to reciprocate the relationship to you, you would stick with her through thick and thin, but you don't know that for sure. Bipolar is a lifetime disease and it takes a long time to heal wounds like those of sexual abuse. She needs therapy and very gentle patience before she'll be ready to truly accept a loving relationship again. Being bound to someone with those kind of needs is very serious business -- even spouses can't always hack it. It's not easy. I think you need to think about letting her know you'll always be there for her, and living your life for YOU.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


CapninHapnin
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 7/8/2009 11:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey George

Serafena is correct (she always is, doggone it). As admirable for you to try to be the solution to you gf's disease, it must be treated by a doctor, And a good doctor at that. Yes, your gf will need support. But, I am so sorry, your relationship with her will never be like it was when you two first met. But, isn't every relationship like that.

Stay in this relationship if you want to, not because you think you need to.

Cap
I want "I wish I had one more day to spend at the office" on my tombstone.

I used to be crazy, but now I have enough money to be called eccentric.


janellearroyo5
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/9/2009 12:31 PM (GMT -7)   
well i am bipolar and to tell you the truth go w/ your heart. your heart no one else's.
i have fibromyalgia and bi polar. i have actually tried to push my husband down the steps, i have this uncontrolable anger and hate. so be glad your girl is quiet. i flip out right away. i pushed a friend of mine, male over 200 pounds about 6'1" tall into a water cooler and i sprained his ankle and those are just a few examples. your girlfriend is probally on anti depressents and they will attack your sexual drive. i was sexually abused 2 but i don't feel that is the case of not wanting to have sex. most people that are truely bipolar have sexual tendenses (spelling) and a hard sexual drive. they also will shop until they are in major debt like me.
those are true basic and classic symptoms of bipolar disorder. she will gain weight because of the meds. be careful my shrink had me on 10 pills and i overdosed without knowing because i was in a land of my own from the meds. keep an eye on her.
i hope this helps whenever u think u have it bad be glad your not my husband, we have been together since i am 15 a total of 20 years and he still puts up with me. up to u and u only.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/9/2009 2:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi janellearroyo5,

Welcome to the board. It's good to meet you.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


janellearroyo5
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/9/2009 4:49 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you glad to chat with you
 
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