Newbie- I wish I had foung this site sooner

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/8/2009 9:46 PM (GMT -6)   
I was so excited/releived when I stumbled apon this site because I have been looking for a forum like this to chat with other people with BP. I knew I wasn't alone or the only person who had this illness, but I don't have anyone who I can talk to who fully understands.
A little bit about me: I just turned 20yrs old, and I am a full-time college student (though I took last semester off when things got particularly bad).
I have been struggling with pretty severe anxiety and sleep issues since I was about 4yrs old, though I wasn't officially diagnosed until I was 11. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 15 and put on 10mg Lexapro along with Xanax. After coming out of drug rehad when I was 17, my sleeping problems started to get worse and worse, but no one knew why.
Since entering college almost 3 years ago, Things started going down hill pretty rapidly, and I got to an all-time low in January. I went to a new Psych and she was horrified to know that my other psych knew I was BP but didn't put me on a mood stabalizer and promptly put me on 200mg Lamictal. I also got a sleep diagnosis that I most likely have Phase Delay Syndome (essentially permanant jet-lag), and though there is no cure, it gives me a peace-of-mind to at least know. Now I take 10mg Ambien
I also am dyslexic and have bad ADHD, but because my parents didn't beleive in ADD and though I was just lazy, I wasn't able to take adderoll (30-40mg) until just recently, and it has been a life saver!!
I don't think the future is as bleak as I thought a couple months ago, but I really struggle with the fact that everything I have is not ever going to go away. I am scared/sad about the fact that I am so young and I already all of these things have happened, and I am afraid that I won't ever be able to ever hold a job or stay in a relationship, or even renew the ones with the people that I alienated because of my erratic behavior.
I know that's kinda a long intro, but that's actually the least amount that I can say about everything. Thanks for listening!!

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 7/8/2009 9:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome BrightBlonde. You will find a lot of support on this forum...from many with BP and many family members of BP sufferers. Being able to talk with understanding people is important when faced with BP. Do you see a therapist at all?

I know it is scary to think about your long life ahead of you and what you will have to overcome...but you sound like you are on your way to accepting that. Your future is anything but bleak! There are many articles and books that you can read to help you realize how many people suffer with BP and do great things in life.

Letting go of the guilt about harms you have done in the past will be very beneficial to your well being now. Trust me, most of us are in the same boat and know what it is like. The failed relationships, the instability. But it can be overcome with a brighter outlook. I am glad you are on the right is needed to be able to be mentally healthy while living with Bipolar disorder.

I hope to hear more from you. What are you studying in college?
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch

New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/8/2009 9:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks so much for your encouragment! I never underestimate words from people who have had similar experiences because they are so incredibly helpful.
I'm majoring in Psychology and Writing, and minoring in Management. It's A LOT of work so I will probably have to be in school for a least 5 years haha. I'm hoping that last semester will be the only one I will need to take off because I really do love learning, even though I have big problems actually getting myself to class and not having a panic attack on campus :( I'm working on it...

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/9/2009 4:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Brightblonde,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board.

You sound like you're in a place a lot of us can relate to. I personally didn't start so early (and I'm truly sorry you did -- that must have been really hard to grow up with) but making it through high school and college is something many of us did, and we can help you out there. You're very brave. I'm glad to hear you finally have a doc who cares about you and is finding out the answers for you. Do you have a decent therapist as well?

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/9/2009 6:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the welcome!
Yea I do have a great therapist that I found by chance and luckily shes close by and I don't need public transportation to get to her (it's one of my newer phobia's :( that cause tons of anxiety). I like her a lot because she doesn't sit listening to me with that look of pity in her eyes, which I hate- I don't need pity...just help.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 7/10/2009 9:41 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome BrightBlonde!
I too stumbled on this forum looking for help - anything! - and could not be happier that I did.

My husband was diagnosed with BP about 20 years ago and was in and out of hospitals during those years because he never accepted the condition. We had a rough time this past March through April and in May he finally came to terms with it. Like you, he didn't want to face that this is a lifelong condition. But unlike him - it seems that you have come to terms with it early which is (in my opinion) 95% of the battle.

There are a lot of conditions out there that are lifelong (diabetes, heart conditions, high cholesterol, etc.) but be thankful that you know what yours is and that it is managable. There are many many people out there who are diagnosed with BP that lead "normal" successful lives.

I'm glad that you found a great therapist and WANT to manage BP. Keep doing what needs to be done (seeing your therapist, being compliant with your meds) and you'll see that you will be able to say in a relationship and that some of those old ones may be renewed. My husband reconnected with many people he treated poorly while he was non-compliant and right now we are doing pretty well in our marriage.

And as for finishing school in five years...I know plenty of people who took that long that do not have BP!

Keep up the great work!


Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 672
   Posted 7/10/2009 9:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to the site. You will love it it ....everyone is supportive
hugs Caren
bipolar 1
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