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LindzKaye09
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 7/10/2009 7:13 PM (GMT -7)   
For all your support and help...But, I'm starting to really doubt all my doctors so, I'm done with all this stuff. I'll do the best I can on my own. Again, thank you for everything you guys, I really do appreciate, but maybe I'm ok, and just under some stress. I'll be okay eventually. Every couple of years things get better and right now things are starting to look up. So, hopefully I'm all good. Sorry for bothering ya'll with all my stupidity.

I greatly appreciate ya'll and all that you do for others with ptroblems. Keep up the good work,
Lindz

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/11/2009 4:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey,

what's all this about stupidity? You're not bothering anyone. I for one like having you around, so don't go anywhere, okay? And you sound like you're thinking about maybe throwing off the meds or something crazy like that. DON'T do it.

Tell us what you're thinking about Lindz, I want details.

serafena.
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 7/12/2009 10:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Lindz...I know dealing with BP and everything that comes with it can be overwhelming at times....but it will eventually get better. You sre not a bother...I think we all have our moments when we think we are bothers or whiners. But that is the time when you shouldnt listen to yourself. What is going on to get you feeling this way?
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch


BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 7/13/2009 7:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Lindz,
Dealing with BP is exhausting, it's hard, it's a struggle and it's a lot easier to just ignore it. I've seen my husband do exactly what you are thinking of doing.

I can't tell you how many times in the past four years I've heard the following:
"The doctors don't know what they are talking about."
"I can take care of it myself."
"It's just everyone else stressing me out."
"I'm fine."

Well, guess what? The doctors DO know what they are talking about, you CAN'T take care of it yourself, you need to work on HOW to deal with stress and NO ONE is "fine."

My husband was basically non-compliant with his meds for almost 20 years (he was diagnosed at about 18 years old). And not only did his not accepting the condition hurt him, but it hurt those who love him most. He had yet another manic episode at the end of April and I just told him never to come home. It was the hardest thing I ever did. He was eventually involuntarily hospitalized a few days later but we didn't visit him for 8 days, and that was only to have a meeting with him, me, his mom, his pdoc and two social workers. The meeting was like a mini intervention but I'm hoping that it made him finally see that there is nothing wrong with being diagnosed with BP so long as you manage it.

For almost the past three months he has been compliant with his meds and sees a therapist and pdoc. He now says that he is "on the regiment" and doing it for me. I tell him that I am so proud of him but he should do it for himself not me. But honestly I don't care too much about why he's compliant (for me, his mom, himself), just so long as he is because I don't want him to destroy himself - which is the path he was on. And we are all so incredibly happy to have the man that we know and love back in our lives and hopefully forever.

So, after my long post, I want you to know that there is a reason this board exists - WE NEED IT! Like Serafena, I enjoy having you around. You may not know it, but you are helping others who have BP or live with someone who has BP. If you don't like your meds or feel something isn't right, talk to your doctor. DON'T go off your meds or stop seeing a therapist/pdoc.

Please keep posting and trying to manage your BP. Your family and friends will appreciate it more than you know - and one day you will too.

Big (((HUGS)))!

BPWife

LindzKaye09
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 7/18/2009 10:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for your responses. I'm sorry ya'll, I just feel like I'm falling apart and so is everything around me...I KNOW it's not, but it's how I feel inside and I just can't get out of this slump. I'm in Washington right now, visiting with family....I really needed this break....I'm just not in a good place at all and was actually scaring myself and in fear for my children. My breaking point was when I was driving one day, with the kids in the car, and I just got this overwhelming feeling to crash the car and wanting to make everything just stop. Talking helps a bit, but...I don't know....I just don't really know right now about anything...I've evn started hearing things and thinking that I'm seeing things, I haven't been eating really for about three weeks, I have a constant headache and nothing is really do anything to help. I don't know where I'm headed or where my family and life is headed right now.

Lindz

mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 7/18/2009 7:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Lindz...I think you need to consider checking yourself in to a hospital. You are going through a bad episode right now and need your meds to be changed, or increased. You do not have to be feeling this way and when dealing with bipolar...do not let your mind trick you into thinking that you can take care of it yourself.
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch


LindzKaye09
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 7/18/2009 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm not stupid or a child, therefore I should be able to handle it myself!!! That's my point...I have no choice, but to handle it myself...no choice at all...it's all on my shoulders..my parents are to old to take care of the kids, my husband isn't mature enough to be able to handle them...and his family acts like they're too good for me and my daughter....I just want to say to heck with all oof them and go at it all alone...That's what it feels like most of the time any way....

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/18/2009 8:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Lindz,

You need to go to the hospital. It is time. Please leave your children with your husband -- they will be okay in the few days you are away -- and take the real break you need. You are breaking with reality and losing hope. There is hope, though. There is always hope. I'm here to share some with you. Get yourself to an emergency room, tell them what your wrote here, and ask them for help. You will get it. Please, do this for yourself, for your children, for your husband.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


LindzKaye09
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 174
   Posted 7/18/2009 11:14 PM (GMT -7)   
There is never enough time...I can't stop everything to go to the hospital...Everyone around me has lives...I hate hospitals anyway. Most of the time when I just have to go to the doctor or have to go in a hospital for any reason I just want to run or throw up or start having a small panic attack over it...It's too scary and inconvienient...I really have no choice but to smile and go day by day. I'd never hurt my kids or family my killing myself, it's just how i feel sometimes. My problem right now is how to make it go away.

Lindz

BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 7/20/2009 10:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Lindz,
You are at a breaking point. You need to get help ASAP. By not eating or going to your doctor it is obvious that you can't handle this yourself. And that is 100% OK because NO ONE can handle BP by themselves. BP is not like a headache - it isn't going to just go away on its own. You need medical attention from a trained professional. That's the only way you can "make it go away."

In my town, the local hospital has a Mental Health Community Center. They provide all the services needed for BP and other similiar situations. They also provide an emergency service that will send someone to your home to evaluate you and help you get the help you need. Call your local hospital and found out if a similar service is available. Speak to someone in Behavioral Services at the hospital and tell them that you are going through an episode. If there is a local Mental Health Community Center near you, they usually will work with you regarding hours and costs.

Please, don't add to your situtation by trying to take care of it yourself - you'll only make it worse. Talk to someone who can help you. It's OK to get help; it's not OK to ignore it.

You can DO this - trust me!

BPWife
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