Just need to vent!

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slz727
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 7/20/2009 7:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I need to vent and maybe someone out there has gone through the same thing. I went and saw my pdr and my t today. My pdr stated that I was not manic and that I should not go to a day program and my t stated she still feels that it is a good idea for the structure. She also told me that I had better start filling out SSI papers because she does not see me going back to work at least not ever full time and she knows that I have had many jobs over the list 4 years. My pdr was stating that he told me things that he had never said and my husband backed me up on that but only that. He goes to my appointments with my pdr but not to t. He is so rude and it drives me up a wall. He asked things like do you know what your doing? When will she get better when can I see an improvment? He dosen't like what he heres so he shuts down. He told me today that he can not stand to be around me. This realy hurt my feelings and here I thought out of everyone that he was my best friend. Boy was I wrong. Now I feel like my only support that I have in this whole thing is my t. She is the only one who realy gets it. My husband thinks he knows All about bipolar because he has an ex who is bipolar. That doesn't make you an expert. He had his wallet stolen this weekend due to his own carlessness and now I am supposed to be ther for him. Hell no! If he can not support me why should I be sympathetic to his plight. He knew that I was bipolar before we married and since he was such an expert on the subject you would think that he would know how to deal. When I got back from my t appointment he was sleeping. He dosent care as far as I am conserned and he keeps telling me if I go on SSI I have given up, That is not true either, his ex is on ssi and he dosent see it as her giving up just me. Maybe he sees something in me that he did not see in her but it is frustrating to say the least. Well thank you whoever reads this for listening just need a frind i guess who can support me. mad sad
 
SLZ

mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 7/20/2009 9:45 PM (GMT -7)   
SLZ...I really feel for you right now. My husband and I went through some rough times when I was first diagnosed and started therapy. We both did a lot of hurting of each others' feelings. Right now you are also at a low point so you are probably hyper sensitive to what your husband says. I know I sure was at that time.

Keep with the therapy, go by yourself for a while so you can feel like you are getting something out of it. Your therapy should be geared toward getting YOU better. Maybe your husband should go to his own sessions.

Some pdocs are really only good for prescriptions, sadly. So it is good you also see a separate therapist.

Keep your chin up in these low times. And even though it seems no one in your life understands or supports you...just remember that they just do not "get" it. I think it is hard for any non-bipolar sufferer to truly understand what we are going through on the inside. And remember we here all support you, and know exactly what you are going through.
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 7/20/2009 11:35 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Slz,

It does sound like your therapist is really being very supportive of you.  What is her impression of your pdoc?  Are they from the same facility?  Maybe it is time for you to seek a new one that you may find a better repore with and maybe your therapist can give you some leads.

I don't understand what you being manic has to do with you joining a day program.  It is just a support group to help you get on with managing your illness in a healthful, getting down to business, setting up structure in your life to help you start to cope again way. There isn't just one pdoc that has patients there. Other patients there have different pdocs, so I hope you can find another that you will be able to work with.  Have you tried just telling your pdoc that you REALLY WANT TO TRY IT?  And that you think it MAY REALLY HELP?

I agree with mommy.michele and support her comments to you.

It doesn't sound like your husband knows too much about BP, otherwise he wouldn't be asking questions like, "When will she get better? He should know the drill that it takes time.  Maybe he doesn't want to see you as his exwife and is in denial.  I think he just has more faith in you but he needs to verbalize it in a healthy way.  I think he should get himself some therapy as well.  It would help you both to interact with each other in a healthy supportive way towards each other.

Best wishes for wellness, slz.

Keep us posted.  We are here for you. blush


~sukay~
 Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
 
Leo Buscaglia


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/21/2009 10:22 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry for what must have been a very frustrating experience, slz. I agree with the other two. Stick with your therapist -- maybe keep your feelers out for a better psych. He doesn't seem sympathetic or knowledgeable enough for you. You can't do much with your husband but urge him to get educated. There are lots of good books and websites for him to read, if he's willing.

My heart is with you.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


slz727
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 7/21/2009 1:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for your kind words. I found out today that my husband is more frustrated with my pdr than with me and that he let it out on me. I am going to ask my t if she could pick any pdr in my area who woul it be and why and if I can go to that person and still see her. I will keep you up dated.

slz

BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 7/21/2009 2:14 PM (GMT -7)   
SLZ,
I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time.

Sometimes I say things to my BP husband and he doesn't realize that I am frustrated or just venting - this could have been the same thing for your husband. It's kind of typical for all relationships I think. The "when will she get better" may have really meant "when are we going to see the meds start to work". I'm glad that you and your husband figured out what was really going on with him and his feelings.

I agree that you should talk to your therapist for some recommendations for a new pdoc. As mentioned above, most psychiatrists nowadays are not interested in talk therapy but only the medicinal side of psychiatry. There are very few psychiatrists out there that are like the way Dr. Melfi was portrayed on "The Sopranos." Honestly, it sounds like it is time to see a new pdoc. Having a good relationship with ANY doctor is really important in helping you get better - especially so with pdocs.

Keep going to your therapist and venting to us!

We're here for you! Good luck and I wish you the best!

BPWife

slz727
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 7/21/2009 3:16 PM (GMT -7)   
BP Wife

Thank you for your response I now know that it is hard for another person to understand because I don't understand what I am going through. We had a good talk this afternoon and I think that I understand his consers and he is going to go to therepy to help him undertand with out going to pdr. I will be making him an appt tomorrow with a t to see if this will help.

SLZ

BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 7/22/2009 6:27 AM (GMT -7)   
SLZ,
I go to a therapist and it has helped a lot. And you are 100% correct. It is very hard to understand what someone with BP is going through. My husband doesn't talk about it and gets quiet when I try to bring it up. I WANT to understand and I TRY to understand but deep down I know I will never fully understand. All I do is try to be supportive and listen to him when or if he does say something.

So, I think his going to therapy is great! It's so helpful to talk to someone who is familiar with the condition. My therapist also treats people with BP which is good because she understands BP more than I do or ever will.

Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!

BPWife

slz727
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 7/22/2009 8:04 AM (GMT -7)   
thank you bp wife i sent your reply to my husband so that it will give him motivation.
thanks again.

SLZ

Aiming for Serenity
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 32
   Posted 7/22/2009 3:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Slz, I'm so glad your H is going to go to therapy. As I read the thread I was thinking it sounded like it would be really beneficial to him. Sounds like he does want to be supportive and that he was having a bad patch of his own. Hang in there!
I have Depression and Fibromyalgia 
My Mom has Bipolar II
My Niece has Bipolar I


slz727
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 7/22/2009 4:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Aiming,
Yes my husband made a t appt for the 31st. I know that the first session will not be all that great doing all the intake and all but I think he could learn alot from someone who is an impartial party. Thanks for your support.

SLZ
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