My family found out yesterday that my brother, who was 50 years old, single, and lived in another state, was found dead in his condo. He had been dead for as long as a week before he was found. It appears he died of natural causes from the circumstances in which he was found, but an autopsy will be done and we may know more then.
My husband, who has BP, is the same age as my brother. His father died when he (the father) was in his late 40s. These two things seem to have come together to send my husband into a depression. He was heading in that direction anyway - last week, he took my mom to a festival and almost got into a physical fight with a man selling chicken dinners. As my husband said, "That @#*! shouldn't have turned his back on me!" Irritableness is one of the warning signs of his depression. But yesterday, as the day went on and we spent time with my parents and other brother and his family, I could see my husband sliding into depression. He got quieter, he had trouble finding words, he went and curled up on a spare bed and hugged a pillow. He refused to call his mother to let her know about my brother, saying it would make him too upset, and he doesn't want me to do it either. I would like her to know, but it's not a huge deal, as she lives in another state, too, and we're not close.
The big problem for me is that my 18-year-old son (my husband's stepson) came home early today from a trip to Washington, DC, because he idolized his uncle and wanted to be with the family. From the minute the plane touched down and he called my husband on his cell phone (I was driving and we were planning to just pick him up at the curb without paying for parking), my husband has been picking fights with him, making fun of things he says, and generally putting him down. My husband does this when he's depressed, and it tears me up. I've been told by the nurse practitioner he sees at the psych clinic to just let it go, but I hate to see him treat my son this way. It's even harder now, knowing that my son is grieving and shouldn't have to put up with this. I've intervened once, when what my husband was saying truly didn't make sense, but now he is just being silent and refusing to talk to me at all.
I know he is not responsible for his actions right now, and that he lacks the insight now to even understand that he's behaving differently from usual, but I really wish he could be there for me. The brother who died and I were nine years apart, but as adults, we had become close, and he had just come to visit last month for my son's graduation. I can't believe he is gone, and I know my son is hurting, too. But it seems like all my husband can see/feel/appreciate is his own pain. We've been together eight years, and he and my brother were friendly to each other, but since we lived in different states and my brother and I tended mostly to be in touch online and my husband doesn't like online communication much, I wouldn't say that they were really close. I don't want to judge his grief. I certainly understand how he is feeling. I just wish he could understand how I am feeling for a change.
As I said, I just needed a place to say this. I am the strong one in the family, the one who gets things done and makes the arrangements, and keeps other people from biting each other's heads off. I would just like a break.