Welcome to Healingwell. I hope we can offer some support to you and your concerns.
IMO you have brought up some good ideas about what to do. I say why not take the approach of suggesting couples therapy to your husband. He doesn't seem to want to be involved in too much of anything concerning his issues and maybe by your suggestion he will realize that it isn't just about him anymore! He has allowed it to come to this, so I say definitely go for it!
Another thing is that you haven't mentioned if he is seeing a psychiatrist or on any medications. It may be time for an adjustment. He shouldn't be winging his bipolar without any medications.
Also as far as from what I have learned about depression and going through it myself, is that one REALLY needs to make an EFFORT to push themselves to do things, even simple little things. I would suggest that he try to accomplish one simple little feat each day. Nothing is too small. With time and commitment things will get easier. We can't sit idle and just wait for the better day to come. We have to get involved!
I hope some of this has helped you. Please continue to post.
My husband is currently on medication and this combination of drugs seems to be working better than anything else he has been on. I have suggested he go back in to talk with his doctor. Maybe another medication will work better, but my gut feeling is that he really needs to be in therapy as well. I am going to start seriously thinking about pursuing couples therapy as well.
Once my husband found out that he was bipolar, he started to think he was a lost cause. Is there a difference between the depression that a bipolar person experiences versus depression for a person that is strictly depressed? Does the bipolar diagnosis make much difference in a person's prognosis? I often compare my experience with depression to what my husband is currently going through. I know what I had to do to make a difference with my depression and I wish I could help him to fast forward to that part of the process. I realize that people have different experiences and maybe it is fair to compare, but it seems so similar.