Well first i'd like to introduce myself and explain a little about why I have ended up searching the internet for answers. I'm female and have a male best friend who is dianosed with Bi polar, we have been best friends for a year now, but over the last 6 months things between us have got quite messy. I've always been there for him tried to be a friend unconditionally with nothing in return.
He then springs a bombshell that he has feelings for me, which turned my life upside down and made me think of feelings i may have been hiding for him, to cut a long story short he then decides he cant take things further due to I have children and he couldnt be doing with them, that his condition makes him selfish and he can barely look after hisself let alone children, I was hurt and understood where he was coming from, but deep down very hurt and confused as to why he would say his feelings if he couldnt act on them, I've researched bi polar over and over and Ive just finished doing a year of A levels in psychology with a presentation on bi polar. This last two months has been agony because ive tried to be a best friend to him and but over the last two months hes gone to telling me he loves me but cant commit, to he wants to be in a relationship, Ive seen him through mania stages where hes so hyper he runs around the house like hes going to explode with energy to his depressive stages of wanting to kill himself or someone, I really do love this man, and really dont want to walk away from our friendship but am scared that we have gone past the stage of trying to repair it as i'm confused but what he really feels for me and this gives me great pain. I just need somewhere to release all this cos i feel like im going mad.