New Member-Wife of a BP Husband

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yo-yoangel
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/28/2009 1:10 PM (GMT -7)   

I am so glad that I found this site. We that are dealing with loved ones that suffer from BP sometimes forget about ourselves. We need someone to vent to, a shoulder to cry on or just some good advice.

This is our family's story:

After twenty two years of marriage, five children (mine, his ours and someone else's), years of walking on egg shells, we finally have a name for the storms that we have rode out. It's call BP II.  Two years ago my husband was hospitalized and diagnosed with BP II and array of other disorders that play hand in hand with BP. I had known for years before that there was something wrong with my husband. He would become angry over the smallest things in life. He would be depressed and in bed one week and bouncing off the walls the next week with costly ideas. Many times my family has begged me to leave and start a new life. I have refused to do this. I married my husband for better or worse, in sickness or health. I feel that I must stand by my husband and keep my family together, because I love him. I have seen this wonderful, loving man, that is some where inside my husband. Just knowing that I can see that part of him sometimes, gives me the courage to ride the storms of our daily life. With that being said, I can tell you there has been days that I feel like running away from my life. I just have to stop,  take a moment of alone time and remember all the wonderful things that my husband and I have shared together. I have learned that I do need some alone time in order to continue this battle with my husband against BP. I might dig in the garden, take a short walk,  paint a picture ( I am not the best artist) or just soak in a bath, but I do need some alone time to escape.

I also feel that two of our children and my father-in-law suffer from BP. My father-in-law is a loss cause, but my children are not.  I refuse to watch my children hit rock bottom before they seek help. The fact that both are now adults, I can only encourage them to seek help early in their lives. I advise them regularly to take a look at how their father's actions have affected our lives. I ask them if they also want to follow his path before they decide to seek help. I can only hope and pray that they will follow my advice and take steps to controlling their BP.

Living with mental illness or living with someone who suffers from a mental illness, can take a toll on your life. People who have never came in contact with mental illness have no idea what mental illness does to the patient, family or friends. They assume that the person should be able to take control of their lives. They fell to understand that even with medication, there are times that the person has no control over the illness or their actions. In my eyes, mental illness is no different than any other diease that destroys the body (and costly at that).

I look forward to sharing the sunny days and rainy days in our fight againt BP with all of you. For I too, sometimes need a sounding board.


SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 7/28/2009 2:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Is your hubby on medication,& has he been told NOT to stop taking it even when he feels better??

SnowyLynne


yo-yoangel
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/28/2009 3:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes my husband is on medication and no he has never stopped taking his meds. I give him his meds every day in order to make sure he his taking the right thing. For two years his doctors have tried different cocktails to no avail. Two of which ended in hospitalization. With the most recent at the end of June 09. Now we are trying a new cocktail and hoping that it works.

bluestbird
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 7/28/2009 3:58 PM (GMT -7)   
I suffer from slow cycling Bipolar. Almost, immediately after getting married two years ago I went into a manic phase which ended up in a hospital stay for 3 weeks. My husband had never seen anything like what I put him through. He was in such bad shape. His counselor advised him to divorce me while I was in the hospital... saying it would be easier on everyone. I don't know what I would have done if he would have gone through with it.

My husband is my biggest supporter and I feel awful for what my bipolar puts him through. My hope is that I will be able to get better and back to functioning so I can be as good to him as he is to me.

I hope your husband tells you how much he appreciates you! Without him who knows where he would be... probably in much worse condition. Bless you for sticking with him!

BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 7/29/2009 7:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Yo-Yo Angel,
Welcome! This board is everything you are looking for! There are those who suffer from BP as well as those who love someone with BP. I find it SO helpful and hope you do too.

I am married to someone who suffers from BP so I totally understand 100% of your post. It is very hard but like you, I'm in it for the long haul. You said that your husband is taking his meds as prescribed (and I'm sorry you haven't found the right one for him) but is he also seeing a therapist? A big part of managing BP is also talk therapy. Most psychiatrists now only prescribe medicine and do not do talk therapy so your husband may need to see a separate therapist to talk things through.

As for your children, I think you should try to educate ALL of them about BP. Explain to them that their father was misdiagnosed for years and this caused many of the hard times in their, your and his life but you two are now working on keeping him healthy. Let them know that their chances of also having BP are higher as it is much more common in children whose parents also suffer from it but it's okay. Many people suffer from hereditary things. Be sure to tell them that although it is a lifelong condition and has a horrible stigma to it, it is a managable medical condition just like diabetes. With the right knowledge and support you may be able to see the symptoms and prevent an episode from escalating - just like someone with diabetes!

There are so many people who suffer from BP or know someone who does. As I've said in other posts, there's still a stigma attached to it but at least now people are talking about it. We still have a long way to go before it is considered "acceptable" but we're getting there.

And remember, keep taking care of yourself so you can help and support your husband and your kids!


I look forward to hearing about the good and helping you through the tough times!

BPWife

loving frustrated wife
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 865
   Posted 7/29/2009 7:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Welcome Yoyoangel, I am a wife to a BP H and S. I have been married 17 years. I am glad you found us. This is a great place to not only get support as the spouse, but to learn so much from those on the board with BP who are so open and honest and loving to share with us their experiences so we can learn and see it from another side. I know many of those conversations I can not have with my H, so I can always come here for feedback. Both my H & S are BPII Rapid Cyclers. The great thing is that while we are learning from the BP's, they are learning from us as the people who love them and our end of the experience. HW is a very special place. Smile....you found a home :-) LFW

yo-yoangel
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 7/30/2009 4:53 PM (GMT -7)   
bluestbird-I am glad to hear that your husband has supported you. I am sure that he knows how much you love him for it. Sometimes it's a hug, a smile or just a wink of the eye for someone to know just what they mean to you.
 
BP Wife-Thanks for the welcome.  Yes we do see a talk therapist. We see the therapist every 20 days or more if needed. The therapist spends the first half of each session with my husband and the second half with both of us. This has really helped. I have also enrolled my husband in weekly anger management classes. This has allowed him to learn ways to deal with his anger before things get out of hand. I have learned that anger management classes are offered at most domestic abuse shelters across the US for free. Free and positive, you can not beat that!
 
loving frustrated wife-Thanks for the welcome also. I like you sometimes find it hard to talk with my husband about certain things. I look forward to learning more about BP from all. Just knowing that there is others out there to talk with is a big help.

Retta
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 7/31/2009 11:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi All!

I am relatively new here. I am impressed to hear of peoples ability to make it so long with a BP spouse. My husband has been really struggling for about two years and I am extremely frustrated already. I often feel isolated because with the stigma that goes along with the Biopolar diagnosis. I worry about people's reactions. This is a great resource.

It is interesting to hear that some people's therapy includes both spouses. I am planning on trying couples therapy, but I didn't think of this option. My husband is BPII. I am trying to get him to go back into therapy. He was in therapy for a year or two before he had the BP diagnosis. With the correct diagnosis his medication was adjusted, but he didn't go back into therapy. He got a lot worse after he found out he was bipolar. I was able to convince him to go back into therapy for a couple months but he quit and said he has already tried everything and it isn't going to help him. I don't think he is being honest with himself. Giving a psychologist a outside view would probably really help.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/31/2009 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Yo-YoAngel, and Retta,

Thank you for joining the HealingWell bipolar board and bringing your experiences and wisdom with you. We look forward to all you have to add.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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