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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 7/30/2009 11:13 AM (GMT -6)   
I feel so alone.  I am so frustrated and agitated; I just don't know what to do.  I feel like I have no one.  My mom just dropped off some milk for me and saw that I was upset and all she said was "Did you take a pill?  Is it that time of the month?"  She didn't offer to talk to me or console me or anything.  Not that she has ever been good at that; I don't know why I expected her to be like that today.  I need someone.
My husband is battling depression and anxiety now too.  I am bipolar 2 with rapid cycling and he was there for me through all the med changes and trying to figure out what I needed.  Now he is the one going through it and I feel alone.  I honestly am having a hard time being supportive.  Why is that?  We have a 23 month old and a 10 month old that I stay home and take care of.  It is hard on me especially when I am not right.  He works all day and comes home and wants to go to bed.  I get upset about it.  I shouldn't but I do.  I feel so alone.  I am use to leaning on him and now he isn't there for me.  I am trying.  I feel like I am being self-pitying and selfish.  But I just don't know what to do.  How bad is that?
Then a few weeks ago my step siblings and I had it out.  I caught my step-sister talking bad about me on fb to my sister-in-law.  She has always talked about me; people have told me what she says.  Now I caught her after 20 years.  My siblings have never treated my mom and me right.  We have always shown them love and they don't.  They even treat my step-dad badly and he is their real dad.  Anyway, she told me that she was tired of all the drama I bring to the family.  Excuse me???  Yes, I have had a hard life especially with my mental status.  All I have ever asked for is prayer and support.  Then my step-brother goes on to say that their was a lot of self-pitying going on between my step-sister and my conversation.  All I was trying to do was explain how I felt about the whole situation and defend myself.  So now I feel weird talking to my mom about anything afraid that I am bringing drama or being self-pitying.  My husband supported me saying that they were just jealous of the relationship I have with my step-dad and one of my friends said the same thing.  My husband and most of my friends are tell it like it is people and they keep me in check.  So they were throwing things at me blaming me for everything, all of the awkwardness at family get togethers; they come in and sit with themselves and totally ignore the rest of us including their dad.  This has been going on for 20 years!! This all was through email.  It took my step-sis five days to respond to my initial email of catching her talking about me too. 
Now I feel so alone.  I keep dwelling on what they said about me.  But their behavior towards my mom and step-dad has improved since all of that.  I told them I was tired of being treated bad and I was done with them.  I certainly don't want my children and husband being put in an awkward situation anymore so I was done.  It is over.  But I keep replaying all that they say in my mind wondering if they were right when deep down I know that they weren't.  Does that make any sense???
I just need someone to talk to.  Only 3 of my friends know that I am Bipolar but they work and have families too so they can't be there for me when I need someone the most.  I feel so alone and honestly desperate.  I have cried all morning; how does that look to my kids?  My 23 month old tries to comfort me and that makes me feel worse.
I really could use some support.  Please help me.

"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty

Post Edited (missflip) : 7/30/2009 11:28:30 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 7/30/2009 10:38 PM (GMT -6)   

Right there with you

My husband and I are both bipolar.  (we both didn't know it when whe married)  He has been Dx much longer than I have, so he has a better time dealing with than I do.  I have spent the last few days weepy.  My kids are 11, 8 and 5- so they realize that mom is acting diffrently than all the other grownups are.  I don't hide the fact that I am bipolar (most people think it is weird, but then the stigma disapears) and it helps to explain when people see me crying at random times.

Tonight I am having a really rough time.  I have a lot of RA pain (joints) and the meds make my stomach hurt right now.  I've spent most of the day crying- so I have a headache too.  My husband cannot take the night off of work and my kids are away camping.  I'm home in my own pity party.  I had a good friend come over at my husband's request today- and it was a great distraction.  She's one of those friends that you can cry at and laugh at in the same hour.

----lost track of what I was talking about.  Just know that I am here with you.

Even though I do not understand where I am going on the path that God has laid out for me, I must submit to His plan and trust that He will take me where I need to be. 
Current medications:
Bipolar treatment-Lamictal, 200mg, Mood stabelizer, daily(main side effect: brain fog) Bipolar treatment-Cymbalta, 40mg, Antidepressant, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting, insominia) Anemia, Fatigue treatment- Iron supplement, 65mg, daily(main side effect: constipation) Insominia treatment- Ambien, 10mg, daily(main side effect: amnesia eppisodes between taking pill and falling asleep) Mania treatment- Alprazolam, .25mg, Very rarely(main side effect: fatigue, slowing of thoughts, depression of CNS, can't take ambien or vicodin when on it) RA treatment- Plaquenil, 400mg, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting) RA treatment- Methotrexate, 25mg, 1X weekly(main side effects: hair loss, stomach upset, mouth sores, sore muscles, fatigue, brain fog, compromised immune system, decreased Folic Acid absorption) GI upset treatment- Leucovorin Calcium, 10mg 1x weekly(main side effects: ?) Folic Acid defintioncy- Folic Acid, 1mg, daily(main side effects: ?) Multi-mineral Supplement (main side effects: constipation, GI upset) Constipation treatment- Docusate Sodium, 200mg, daily(main side effects:?) pain control- Motrin, 800mg, PRN Q6hours daily(main side effects: GI upset, decreased clotting) Pain Control- Vicodin, 5-500mg, PRN Q12hours 3-4 times weekly (main side effects: brain fog, fatigue)

New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 7/31/2009 2:10 PM (GMT -6)   
My husband is bipolar and has been diagnosed for two years now. I was super supportive for a number of years. I have some understanding of what he is going through because I have dealt with my own depression for years. I kept a lot of my feelings of frustration to myself because I was afraid I would make him feel worse. This was a big mistake because my frustrations built up. I haven't been able to support him in the way that I want to and I have been distant. I started my own therapy again and I am working toward getting us to couples therapy.

I think a lot of people don't understand what mental illness is really like. Communication and a good support system is really important. Family therapy might be a really good option.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 7/31/2009 3:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for sharing with me. I will look into family therapy; I hadn't thought of that.

Know that I am here for you two also. It helps when someone responds to your postings. Thanks so much.

"I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell."  Matchbox Twenty

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 7/31/2009 7:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone,

It's good of you all to share your own stories. I really think therapy could help all of you here. You do need someone to talk to who is outside the family unit, someone who doesn't have the pressure put on them that we put on our family, and a therapist is just that person. If you want to bring your family (husband, kids) into it at some point, great, but start going for yourself.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

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