My wife can't take it and wants to run

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naone
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 8/5/2009 3:53 PM (GMT -7)   
My wife is bi polar and asked that I divorce her so she can just live a carefree life. she doesn't want to be responsiblie for anything, me the kids her family...she says she just want to be left alone til she dies. I love my wife with all that I have...she knows I will do anything for her to make her happy. I do do everything. I cook clean take her out, but her happiness is short lived. I'm not perfect but I am willing to do anything to save my marriage of 15yrs. I have a son thats 14 and a daughter that 10. I know she's ill, and it's hard for her to keep a job. I don't want to let her go for 2reasons...1. I love her and want to be with her and be a family, and I want to be the one thats there for her because I understand her. 2. she's the mother of my children and deserves the utmost respect. Should I let her go or should I fight for my family. 

naone
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 8/5/2009 8:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the feed back, leading up to this, is a lot of resentment from a lot of different areas. She has cut ties with her parents and only speaks to her siblings, I tried to tell her atleast to call her mom periodically. She blames her situation on her youth and the way she was brought up in her parents home. Now, I'm no expert on this BP thing, however I am here on this forum trying to get some insight, so that I may identify with what it is I need to do or not to do to add fuel to the fire. I moreless stand clear of her,
when I say that, I mean I don't take what she says personal, sometimes I feel a separation would help but I have been raise a fighter when it comes to family and my moral values. Somethings I just won't negoiate. I realize that these children and my wife is my responsibility, and I have no option when it comes to providing for them, for as long as I live I will always give them the best that I have to offer. So that if I fail, I have somethingelse to look at and it was not my efforts nor the lack thereof. I will do whatever it takes to make her happy, but in my heart letting her go would not help her, it would not make her happy, nor would it be a benefit to my children. They love their mother despite what she thinks they think of her. I'm affraid she will never see that, because of this BP, she may never see nor feel real love or when a person loves her for who she is. It can be someone after me, but they will be in my shoes after sometime, because my wife doesn't love Herself enough, let alone find some kind of love to give to me. I am a very independent man, I grew up very hard, from the streets of North Philadelphia, I didn't need anyone to stroke me for me to get my ass in gear to do what I needed to do to survive. You ask me if I was getting what I want out of this marriage, it's not about me anymore...I'm content seeing my children happy and providing for them because I know they appreciate me,  I'd be even better if my wife would get some help and take care of herself so we can enjoy the fuits of my labor. I guess I'm getting what I want, crap everythings a struggle, nothin is easy. I'm just stuck right now, because she's not going to get any better, and I know I need to be here for her. I can only hope that the Lord is pleased with my efforts, and HE answers my prayers. I love my wife dearly, she knows this, she is just too ill to realize what she has. So, back to my question....what do you think???? Am I on the right path by being supportive in the hopes she sees that I want to help her, or am I beating a dead horse, and just separate???

LadyKnight4
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 8/5/2009 8:44 PM (GMT -7)   
My parents divorced when I was 22, for many reasons. It was hard. However, I see them remarried today, and happy. It sucks not having them together, but they are better apart.

That said, I wonder if the marriage itself is what you are fighting for, or your idea of what a marriage should be. For my parents, it was the latter. For a marriage, I think it needs to be for both people. As cruel as it sounds, consider this without your children - i.e. marriage vs. family.

As a wife and mother, I often think that it would be so much better if I cut ties with everyone so that I didn't damage anyone with my bipolar. I don't want to do that, and I won't - as long as I have a thread of reason left in my bones!

In your first post, you mentioned that your wife wanted to live a carefree life without responsibilities. Why? Is it because she's tired, because she's scared, because she's immature .... the intention of that does make a difference. I wonder if you are perhaps harboring some bitterness towards her because of whatever intentions exist. You say that she knows you will do anything to make her happy, and you mention chores and dates. When it comes to someone with bipolar disorder or depression, you can't make them happy. No one can - not even themselves. Just like with diabetes - you can't make more insulin for someone, nor can they do it themselves. They have to turn to medical and behavioral/lifestyle sources for help in managing their care.

Is your wife in therapy? Would you consider family therapy? Being able to talk with a professional and learn behavior strategies has been priceless for me. So, as advice, I think that you need to turn to an outside source that both of you can agree to - psychotherapist, psychologist, clergy, psychiatrist - whomever it may be. Without meaning it, it sounds like there might be miscommunication and misunderstanding on both sides. Don't save your marriage and family - rebuild it. A lot can happen in 15 years. Go back to the foundations and decide how, or if, it will be rebuilt.
"Sanity is a cozy lie." ~ Susan Sontag


naone
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 8/6/2009 3:10 AM (GMT -7)   
She's not in therapy, I have no bitterness for her, and to live carefree, she says she doesn't want to hurt anyone, she doesn't want to be responsible for that...she's not lazy or irresponsible, she just can't maintain a job moreso because of the illness. I appreciate what you've said about rebuiling my family and we talk all the time so I don't think there is a breakdown in communication, I guess I am moreso interested in staying focus on the mission at hand, and that is maintaining my family. She apolojizes all the time for her being so mean to everyone after she come out of that fog, so I think she has some kind of awareness of what she's doing and who she's hurting. We've spoke about going to seek professional help, and we will, I am just trying find a good one in our area. Like the illness, we have our days, I take the good with the bad, I will continue to rebuild my family. I think me finding this site as well as the feed back that I am getting is clear indication that I am not alone and I am doing the right thing by hanging in there for my wife and family. Thanks

BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 8/6/2009 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Naone,
Welcome to HealingWell!

I think it's great that you want to stay with your wife because you love her. But that and that alone should be why you stay. Divorce srews up kids but a bad marriage screws them up even more. I'm not saying your marriage is bad, just that kids should never be the reason to stay married.

Anyway, you said she is not in therapy but is she on any meds? It sounds to me like she needs both. Does she suffer from the mania or depression side ogf BP? My husband suffers from the mania side of BP and now that he is (finally!) compliant with his meds and therapy, our marriage is the best it's been. Are there times I'm angry, bitter, resentful? Sure - that's normal but that's why I see a therapist on my own. And you probably should see a therapist as well. You have a lot going on being the primary caretaker of your family. It's been so helpful for me.

Personally, I say fight for your marriage because you love your wife and you sound like someone who doesn't just give up a fight easily (I'm the same way). Marriage is hard and adding BP to the mix doesn't make it any easier. I think it would be great if you could go to counseling together. Perhaps by being in an objective, honest setting it will make her see that you love her for her and want to support her, love her and spend the rest of your life together as a team.

I truly wish you and your family the best. If you and she get the help you need, it all just might work out for you.

BPWife

naone
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 8/6/2009 7:02 AM (GMT -7)   
:-)   I laugh when you say I don't give up a fight easily. I am a professional boxer from Philadelphia, Pa. And that is one of the main reasons it hard for me to find a good therapist to work with us. I want to get someone who is very much interested in what I want to do rather than working with me because of my public status. It's really hard. But thank you for your response and I am happy someone can understand how I care so much for my family, spcifically my wife. She is not on any meds right now, she says it makes her gain weight and she doesn't like to take them foe other reasons as well. Thank you again, I will continue to fight for my family.

LadyKnight4
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 8/6/2009 3:56 PM (GMT -7)   
naone,

Between your different posts, I see a strong change in mood. That's great! It shows that you are able to sound your concerns and you're getting feedback you need. (I'm an English teacher - I can't help but notice these things!)

I'm glad that you're going to do whatever you can to fight for, build, and save your family. It's all a process, and the journey matters as much as the destination.

Good luck!

PS If you have a good family doctor, perhaps they can make a suggestion for a therapist? Another option is to seek recommendations from local schools/universities. They don't always give info out, but it can't hurt to ask.
"Sanity is a cozy lie." ~ Susan Sontag


naone
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 8/7/2009 6:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you, yeah we have our days, but I can and will never be comfortable as long as she is unstable. What I don't understand is, the GREATEST thing I can't understand, and someone pleaseeeee help me with this one. Why is it that, with all the things we do together, (my wife and children) we went out to eat last night, came home sat on the deck the kids were swimming and the night ended well. The children are very happy. This family has a lot of love for each other. I can see if I was the dad that wasn't around or I didn't take care of them, or I came home drunk and beat them, or I gambled all the money and the lights and stuff like that were being turned off and we just weren't making it. I would understand a woman trying to run from that. But to see this family surviving against great odds, why is it that she can't see or feel she belongs with us. She told me last week maybe she needs to fall on her face to realize what she has, she also said to me somewheres along the lines of not being able to appreciate me, I didn't really understand what she was trying to say, but let me say this. I am not talking materialist things that I give her and this family....(please I am not that type of person, please believe me, I know that I am maybe more fortunate than some, but sometimes I take a hell of a whoppin for it...lol..) but I'm talking about, Love, Understanding, Friendship, moreso Companionship. I am here for my family for whatever...."Why does she feel she needs to go, or she doesn't feel she should be here, and I deserve better") I don't want better, I want my wife. Can someone tell me pleaseeeee.

BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 8/7/2009 7:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Naone,
I WISH we could tell you why. That's the hardest part of living with BP - no one knows or understand why. That is the suckiest part of this.

When my husband started his last manic phase (because he refused to take his meds) he would tell me that I should leave him because I deserve better. He would say that I deserve all the things that he can't give me. And no matter how many times I would say that I only want to be with him and that's all I wanted or needed, it didn't sink in.

My husband also used to use the "I don't like the weight gain" excuse for not taking his meds. Being an athelete almost all of his life, staying fit is more important to him that the average guy (as I'm sure you can understand). And yes, he has gained some weight since May (which is when he finally realized that in order to save his marriage he has to take his meds) but he's beginning to lose most of that. Some of that is because we adjusted our diet and some is because he started working out more.

I admire how much your wife and family mean to you - it's so refreshing to see that. But in all honesty, it sounds to me that your wife needs to go back on her meds and see a therapist. I like the suggestion of asking your regular doctor for a recommendation as he/she will understand your privacy issues. She needs to be on her meds and talk to someone. Perhaps you could start seeing one and then invite her to come to one of your sessions. Sort of a lead by example situation.

Keep fighting :)

BPWife

naone
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 8/7/2009 12:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you very much...and I will continue to casket drop. I have considered counselling, because it took me a loooong time to figure out, that my wife cares for me, but it too ill show me the love I think or I give her....I just come to the conculsion that we are just two different people on two different paths, and sometimes we cross those paths and enjoy the same things and than they part, but never forget where we share that comon place. English Teacher where are ya!!! what do you have....lol

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 8/7/2009 8:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Naone,

If I haven't greeted you and welcomed you to Healing Well yet, I apologize. Thank you for joining the board. As you've certainly learned, this is something that is relatively common with bipolar, but by no means THE RULE. You need to stick my her, make it clear that divorce is not what you want, that splitting up is not what you want, but that you'll give her space. For bipolars ger impulsive very quickly, they get hypersexual very quickly, and they get mean to their spouses -- their previous responsibilities. This is all part of the disease, not part of HER. She's still there. So if you can get her into therapy or into a psych, you should see some improvement. It may take a while, and some VERY thick skin, but you can do it.

Good luck
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


Whyus
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 8/7/2009 10:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello all.  Been out of the loop for a while and I just read Naone's postings.  I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with your bp wife.  I hope you continue to have the strength to fight for the love you feel for you and stand by her side through this nasty illness.
 
I have a bp husband and last week he pissed the hell out of me when he went off on me for NO reason.  He hadn't gone off on me in a long time and reading your posts and bpwife's responses to you brought me back to my sad reality.
 
My sad reality is that I live with a bp husband and sometimes this darn illness makes him be an ass to me and according to the therapist and to all of you with bp, I have to suck it up and have tough skin.  Which really sucks.  
 
-whyus  
 
 
 


naone
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 8/8/2009 6:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Whyus, I can relate, man sometimes, I'm sitting here laughing as I type, because I can relate to how you feel. There were days man in the past when I really didn't understand this illness, and what it does to her, and how she would just come downstairs in a rage...about something that would take a switch to change or a minor adjustment to change, or something that would seem so simple to change, and the way she use to attack me was and still do sometimes, would be things she knowwww, would just crush me....sorry I had to pause for a minute, just some real mean things man.....wow...but I had to suck it up, because I knew long before I found out about her illness, I had an obligation, covnent with my Lord...that I had to continue to maintain this family, there was never an option, I knew my wife and children needed me. My father never left me when I was a kid and I've seen him and my mom go through it, he's alwyas shown me that, no matter what your family is now your responsibility NOT AN OPTION....so I could leave my son or daughter. No matter where I fought where I was training, because I go away about 3mnths out of the year to training camps, I keep my family in my heart, I don't allow them to come to my fights, I don't want people to know who they are, I have always protected them. I just thank you guys on this forum for allowing me to share my feelings....this is therapy for me....I feel I can open up on this fourm because you guys are aware of what I am dealing with and what I go throught. I haven't told my wife that I belong to this fourm, and I just don't think it's a good time. Yesterday she text me to apolojize for the way she's been acting, she asked me if she was stressing me out....I just laughed the hardest I've laughed in months....with tears in my eyes...lol..crap I'm still laughing....it was just like...darn, she really don't know, but I text back and told her I was fine, and we were cool, I'm like nah baby we cool, you need anything from the store I'm on my way in....****...oh God..lol. I just thought we all need a laugh this morning, hope I didn't offend any of my new friends, but I just had to laugh at that because I'm beyond stress, but I kept searching and asking and I found this fourm, and I can laugh now.... Serafena, thanks for welcoming me. I'm glad I found it.

SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 8/8/2009 1:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Get good information about BP & try to understand why.I read that it'd a misfiring in the brain......
SnowyLynne


safado
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 8/8/2009 1:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Im in your shows Naone, Im a professional fighter too (MMA/BJJ) with a BP wife. The savagery of some of the mean things is hard to deal with and it slowed down my fight career quite a bit. Post diagnosis, I'm dealing with the devil I know, so its a little bit easier to accept the meanness and saavgery because I have a name for what it is.

naone
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 8/9/2009 6:08 AM (GMT -7)   

Safado, thanks for reaching out, you know I understand, it takes a lot to step inside that box, you most definitely have to be focused, however try to atleast use the gym as an escape, as fighters, some of our most championship moments won't be in that ring, it will moreless be outside the ring, this battle tests the things you love the most, and you would need a different type of style,skill and strength to overcome this battle, and right now for me outside the ring is me, my wife and this daggon BP. I hope you were refering to the BP and not your wife when you were mentioning the devil, cause it's not her as I've learned its the BP. Not to give her any excuse, and I'm not in a position to take sides, I'm just hoping that you approach this beast from a different angle. The way we deal with the devil is different than how you deal with a loved one who is suffering from BP, this is more hands on, more of a supportive type of approach, as to the devil it's more of an deterring type, no hands on...lol...back off. So as they tell me here, do not leave her side, help her from a distance, you know, be there, but don't crowd her. God is Great, as I've been on this site and the actions that I have taken, my wife changes from time to time, and I've notice she hasn't been so moody, she was helping my daughter redecorate her bedroom yesterday and they seemed like they were getting along, I peaked in, I didn't offer any help I figured they needed that time together they were out all afternoon shopping for those things. My wife doesn't come right out and say to the children she's sorry for yelling at them because she doesn't want them to know what she's dealing with, her way of making ammends is to go up to them and just hug them or go get them take them to the pool or take them out somewhere for a while. So I know the time she spent with my daughter yesterday was because she was feeling bad, or maybe she yelled at her or something, I don't know, I just like to see her being proactive with the problem of feeling unaccepted or not belonging to this family. I really wish I can get her back on her meds so she can have some kind of balance, and that type of bonding would be more consistant around here for us all. I am sure my children would love it if she would. Get back in that gym Safado, look forward to hear how things are going..hang in there bro, you will always have fight in you, so fight in and out the ring. You will need it to survive that battle. Peace to all, thank you all for your time and support. 

True Champion!!!


Aiming for Serenity
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 32
   Posted 8/9/2009 9:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Naone,

I'm a new member, too. Isn't this forum great? I admire your attitude and your strength. I'm a tiny little 40-year-old wife/mom/daughter in a smaller city up north who loves and cherishes her family and has been putting up the good fight for a long time. So it seems to me you and I are completely different yet very much the same.

My mom has BP and has probably had it my entire life, but was just diagnosed correctly last month. You can read my intro that I posted last month if you'd like to get a perspective that I hope your children won't have 25-30 years from now. Your kids are lucky to have loving parents who are doing their best to do right by them. My brother and I were, too. My folks did the best they could, I love where I'm at, and feel very blessed, but, man, I gotta say that I really wish my dad had been able to step up and get my mom the kind of help she needed sooner.

BP made my mom do and say things that have caused a lot of people a lot of pain and heartache. They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I'm strong from what I've lived. So maybe I wouldn't go back and change anything. I dunno. But honestly, besides the stuff my mom put me through, I believe I am lucky to have survived the stupid wreckless things I did as a teen when I was emulating the example set by my mom.

Since I maintained a 4.0 in school and mom and dad were busy cleaning up after mom's mistakes, they never knew what I was up to. My grandparents, neighbors, and teachers thought I was a "good" kid and that we were a "lovely" family. I honestly don't know how I survived it - sheer luck, I guess. Lucky that I was "smart" and competative so I kept my grades up. Lucky I was good at compartmentalizing (which is psychologically unhealthy). Lucky that I don't have the brain chemistry to become addicted. Lucky to have gotten out of crazy, dangerous situations that most people I know now would hardly even believe existed.

Without some great mentors in college and the man who became my husband, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have recognized that I was on the wrong path. Nobody else I hung out with back then has anything but misery now, if they're still alive. In my twenties I was surprised to learn that none of the new people I knew had ever done the things I did back then (not even during their "wild" college days). I also started to feel like I was the parent and my parents were behaving like children. I could see them making the same mistakes over and over again, doing the same hurtful things over and over again. It got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and had to avoid being around them to minimize the stress they caused me with their drama.

You are working so hard to provide for your kids and to teach them right. Without the right treatment the BP can make your wife do and say things she would never do or say otherwise. Your kids don't need that. The BP won't go away. And, sadly, it gets worse as a person ages, if I understand correctly. So, what I'm saying is, for your sake, for your wife's sake, and most of all for your kids' sake, learn more about BP and about what actions your wife needs to take to get the help she needs.

Now that we all understand BP somewhat, and mom is working to actively manage it (meds and therapy and lifestyle changes to avoid triggering episodes), I can enjoy being with them again. However, if they go back to pretending there is no problem, or act like it's not important to manage it, I'm ready to detach again if I have to in order to protect myself. You don't want your kids to be there.
I have Depression and Fibromyalgia 
My Mom has Bipolar II
My Niece has Bipolar I


keepinghope
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 8/10/2009 4:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi all
I'm reading this post as I am going through the exact same thing, my wife filed for a divorce wanting to live a life after 20 years of marriage, 2 teenage daughters and a son in his 20s, she has severe crohns wont do as the doctor says, gotten into affair with a man much younger and thinks she is invincible, now everythings upto the courts, what a disaster she will not get help either

naone
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 8/10/2009 8:56 PM (GMT -7)   
keepinghope, I am very sorry to hear that is has come that far. However, I don't even think about her having an affair, based on what my wife and I talk about, I think it's bigger than her just wanting to be with someonelse, she never talks about being with someonelse, her idea of all this is just locking herself in a room somewheres, not having to have ANY responsibility, for ANYTHING, or ANYONE. We talk a lot, and she knows she needs help and I don't like to seem as if I'm attacking her, because we have our moments when she is attentive, and than she drifts, so I always have to be short and to the point. In the back of my mind I'm sure my wife wants someone to love and care for her, stand by her side, she knows she has that here, but it's very short lived because of what she's dealing with and I need to get her back in therapy getting the help she needs. My wife is a very good person, in her own way she's thoughtful, and caring, and that mushy stuff, you gotta read through it though.....lol...and there are times when she can be pretty abrasive, but most importantly though, even with this illness, as she says "There is still some sense up there." She really cares about my feelings, and thats big for me. She does have a heart. She's one of the most unadulterated person I know, she shoots from the hip, never holding anything back, which I think is apart of the BP, I know there won't be any surprises, because if she wants something, she will and has always told me flat out. These past few days I've been on this site, along with other research I've been doing, I have been having some breakthrough with her, we spoke about going on meds last night, she feels I will turn away from her if she gains back the weight she's lost by not being on the meds. FYI EVERYONE...I didn't turn away from her, I think it was ,more of a surprise to see my wife go from a size 8 to a size 16...so I will bare in mind that I'd rather help my wife than to see her not get any help and get worst. I know that when she was on the meds, we went through different types of meds with different side effects. The one that did finally work for her made her gain rapidly. So this is where I am. Thanks for the replies, I welcome all the feedback I can get. Peace...

BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 8/13/2009 7:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Naone,
How is it going? Is your wife willing to go back on her meds? My husband also had a rapid weight gain when he first became compliant with this meds (lithium). He probably gained about 15 pounds in a month. But now four months later it's starting to come off. He's always been an athelete (football player in HS and a little bit in college, working out 4-5 times a week) so it was hard for him not to see his body in great shape. But we took out a lot of the salty snacks from his diet and he went back to the gym on a regular schedule. He also has a pdoc appointment on Friday and he is going to talk to her about what foods to avoid and what should/shouldn't be in his diet. I told him that I would rather him be complliant with his meds and 20 pounds overweight than have a six-pack ab and off the meds.

Your wife loves you but unfortunately the BP can take over the brain and make people do things they really don't want to. Maybe you could try some counseling together. Perhaps having an objective third party in the room will help her to see that you are willing to stand by & support her but she has to help and want to help herself too.

I really hope it works out for you!

BPWife

bipolarempress
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 8/13/2009 1:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Naone.  I am new here but not to Bopolar.  Your wifes illness is talking when she says she wants to leave.  If she is not in therapy and does not see a psychiatrist to be treated for bipolar you will not be able to reason with her. Its like banging your head against a wall over and over again!  She needs medication and talk therapy just as most of us do. You did not cause it you cannot control it and you cannot cure it.  She sure is lucky to have you.  It is very difficult for person to be involved with a Bipolar.  If I were not on my medication I would not be married.  I would lose my job and have no income and my husband would FREAK!  And I know he would leave and I would not blame him.  It would be unfair of me to ask him to stay.  I hope you wife will come to realize that she cannot treat herself; she needs professonal help so you all can have a happy life together and your kids cna have a mother who is present.  Hang in there!   Good Luck!!

naone
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 8/14/2009 5:56 AM (GMT -7)   

Hello Guys,

BPWife, thank you for your continued support, thank all of you for that matter. My wife and I have been talking about getting therapy, I am trying to make some time to go with her to the doctor she has, I've never met her (the doc) my wife when she was on her meds would go and come back and tell me how it went. I am still in training for my next fight which is Sept the 19th. which will be my last one this year, afterwards I explained to my wife I will buckle down, look into just focusing my life around getting her help and staying home for a few months. She said she liked that idea, so that is my intentions. Since I have a better understanding of what she's going through, I don't take things personal, she hasn't been talking about wanting to go away in the past few days, I spoke to her last night on the phone and she was telling me she wants to get some help, she doesn't like what she's doing while not being on the meds. She said this week she's been eating alot of junk food, feeling real anxious, feeling irritable, I have not been home since Monday, I am away training, I will be back tonight (Friday). I told her when I get in tonight we will do something, God Willing, she was ok with that. She also has been staying away from the children, staying up in her room while they run around the house, but they are old enough to make there own meals and stuff so this tells me she's feeling it again, and I need to get back to the house and do what I normally do, lol...which is nothing but, atleast she can rest, and when she calms down, I'll be there. This is the thing that frustrates me sometimes and I have to really relax, don't take anything personal, stay out of her way, and this is why I need to get her some help. When she goes through this, she shuts down, she doesn't want to be around anyone, she doesn't want anything. Than she'll come out of it like nothing happened and, it hurts me to see her go through this and not want to changed that, its crazy, but all in all, I am fine, I'm hangin in there, can't wait to get this fight on with, I am working really hard, I should be victorious, but you never know inside that box one punch can change the whole fight, therefore you can not under estimate the will of the next man. I am also looking forward to enjoying the rest of my summer with my family, so I will more than likely not fight again this year. Once again, thank you guys for all your support, keep it up...it really helps.  Enjoy your day!!!


BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 8/14/2009 9:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Naone,
I'm glad to hear that your wife is beginning to realize that she needs help but it sounds like she is in a depressive state. I'm sure it must be awful for you not to be there with her too. When you get home, she might not want to do anything so don't pressure her to. Just be there for her, hold her and let her know you love and support her. Maybe even just taking the kids out of the house for a little bit would be good for her.

I know what you mean when you say that it hurts you to see her like this. During his last episode when he was in the hospital, I met with him, his social worker and docotr and I just started crying to him "I'm going to be okay but you are destroying yourself - WHY???" Hopefully he finally understands that this is just what he needs to do in order to live a normal life. And I hope your wife can understand that as well.

I think it is great that you are going to concentrate on your family for a while. Your priorities are definitely in the right order! I also think it's great that you are finding out all you can about BP - it really does help, doesn't it.

Keep us posted and know that I'm sending good thoughts your way!

BPWife

naone
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 8/14/2009 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you BPWife,

I appreciate that, always....yeah I think I have her on the ropes now, so I really feel she's ready, but only God Knows. I won't press her about going out, she just text me and asked if we were still going somewhere and I told her it was up to her. I did tell her I'd like to spend some kind of time with her even if it's out on the patio, I'm cool, I just want to make sure she's ok, I do agree she's in a depressing stage, so thats when she needs me around more, but when she in that rage, thats when I need to go running or something...my fight is in Vegas next month so hopefully she'll be better by than to come hang out on the strip before the fight. You are correct this is a great site, with some really cool people. Thanks for all your support. "On My Way Home".....

mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 8/14/2009 9:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Naone...I hope as you say, your wife is starting to realize that she needs help. Everyday I think about how much of my life I wasted on depression and mania before getting help. The sooner the better I say.
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch

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