Father-needs help

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RanMan
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 665
   Posted 10/10/2004 10:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi board, I have a situation here-maybe someone has some helpful ideas.
 
I'm a father of a bi-polar 18 year old son who is driving me crazy.
My teenage son (Bryan) is 18yrs old, was diagnosed with manic depression when he was 12. He's been going in and out of phases every season change.

We have been to all kinds of doctors and family cousellors. All kinds of meds have been perscribed but now he seems to be getting worse.
In June, 2002, his manic phase peeked.....to the point where he told his boss to f-off, (then he got fired) dropped out of school, beat the crap out of some kid at his previous school.He also became very violent at home and destructive and threatened and assulted his parents. He stays up all night most nights.

I've totally lost control of him to the point where I feel like a stranger in my own house and sometimes, I'm even afraid to come home from work.

The police were called and he ended up in the hosp. for the whole month of July 2002 so he could be monitored.

Now that he's been at home, he's totally gone the other way.
He hasn't been out of the house since Nov. 2002, no social life at all.   He was very athletic. At age 12 he had already received 23 sports trophies for soccer, baseball and football. He loved sports, and dreamed of going to a U.S. College (We're from Canada) on a football scholarship and at the rate he was going with his sports, that goal seemed very reachable. But what concerns me the most:

1) all he does is sleep til 3 or 4 every day and loads up on junk food (won't eat his meals) in front of the TV all day. He has no interest in things that most teenagers do like sports, cars, driving, going to concerts, finding a P/T job for a little extra money. It's very frustrating for me, he's home 24/7.

2) with his constant eating of junk all day, the weight gain is incredible, 100 lbs in 8 months. He thinks it's funny and doesn't care about his health.(now he's lost about 80lbs)

3) Lost interest in everything NO AMBITION AT ALL. He used to have friends (tons of girl friends) comming to the door constantly or phoning but now he wants nothing to do with them.

4) He has become very very very annoying and loves to get on peoples nerves (he even has admitted that to doctors and says it gives him a rush) because it's his way of getting attention.

5) Very gross and rude behaviour.
 
He acts like he's 9 and seems to be regressing and not maturing.
My wife and I have enroled him in several different schools but in both cases all he does is skip all his classes. He seems to have developed Attention Deficite Disorder (ADD),can't focus and loses interest in everything.

Everybody is trying to help him but he won't help himself.

Need some help. Any ideas?

Randy (Ontario, Canada)
 

songster
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2004
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 10/14/2004 8:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Randy, I wish when I was 18 my father had cared about me, observed my behavior, learned about my condition and been as all around loving as you are. Bryan is very lucky. I don't have any idea how you can help him, but certainly would advise you to take good care of yourself. You are very special.

try2bhappy
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2004
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 12/21/2004 8:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Randy , this is Mary. I just really read your thread.There comes a point no matter how much we love our sons and daughters that we have to be tough. You have epilepsy. You have a wife. I my no means want to sound cruel.But it is your sons life now. Your wife and you have done what you can. It is up to your son to handle his life from here. Bipolar is not an excuse for a person to be violent. To make the person whom is head of the house hold affraid of him and affraid to come home because of him.You must keep your stress level down and it sounds like your son raises it.That must put your wife right in the middle which is not a good place to be.Forgive me if I spoke out of line.I'm just thinking of you and the stress you are under.My father always taught us not to judge a person unless you knew what thet were going through. I guess I'm not listening to his advice.Just a thought. Mary

try2bhappy
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2004
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 12/21/2004 8:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Randy , this is Mary. I just really read your thread.There comes a point no matter how much we love our sons and daughters that we have to be tough. You have epilepsy. You have a wife. I my no means want to sound cruel.But it is your sons life now. Your wife and you have done what you can. It is up to your son to handle his life from here. Bipolar is not an excuse for a person to be violent. To make the person whom is head of the house hold affraid of him and affraid to come home because of him.You must keep your stress level down and it sounds like your son raises it.That must put your wife right in the middle which is not a good place to be.Forgive me if I spoke out of line.I'm just thinking of you and the stress you are under.My father always taught us not to judge a person unless you knew what thet were going through. I guess I'm not listening to his advice.Just a thought. Mary

RanMan
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 665
   Posted 12/21/2004 10:27 PM (GMT -7)   

Mary,

I agree with everything you said 100%

Everybody is trying to help him but he won't help himself.  As well as his bipolar, my epilepsy and colitis, my wife also suffers with chronic pain and just underwent major sergury for a full hysterectomy and bladder tuck and we certainly don't need this. 

You wern't sounding cruel at all but he has no motivation at all, dropped out of school, not interested in getting a job, (he has the idea that he can be on disability for the rest of his life)   It's hard to keep the stress level down when he's at home 24/7. 

You're right about him trying to use bipolar as a crutch and use this fact to be violent.

Randy   


Diagnosed with epilepsy and ulcerative colitis in 1979,
Been on meds ever since.
 
275mg-dilantin/day
120mg-pheonobarb/day
3,000mg-Mesasol/day


try2bhappy
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2004
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 12/22/2004 9:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Randy, kids can wear us down so much it can be so unbelieveble. My youngest is 25 and can still raise my blood presure sky high and he has a family. When my husband and I got married he lived with us for one and a half years. My son had talked to his brother the Friday before he died. He was getting ready to go out so he kind of blew him off on the phone. Well that Sunday I had to call my son who at that time lived in Mississippi and tell him his big brother died. My dear husband let him live with us. After one and a half years it was time for him to move on. He does have ADHD. But he met his wife they moved back down south then moved back to MI. 2 times they have moved in with us. But we live in a small apartment and and their family is to big now. But you can tell he uses his ADHD as an excuse for every thing that is not right in his life. He did not have the best of fathers but he was a daddys boy. He refuses to get treatment for his ADHD.There When she found her are many places in the county that we live in that he could get treatment for this. Just remember it is you and your wife. And if your son refuses to help himself you can't. Don't let it ruin your marriage.I think it's a womans thing or parent thing to try to fix things for are kids but that can not be done always. It is hard but sometimes you just have to let them go and when the get the help they need welcome them back with loving arms. That is what my husbands mother told me when she was still alive. She was very educated on bipolar.When she found out her son was bipolar she tried to find out every thing about it. She told me when he stopped his meds and would not go to the dr. his father and her would have him leave.I will keep you in my prayers and yor wife and son also. Mary

try2bhappy
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2004
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 12/27/2004 12:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Randy we hope all went well for your Holidays.
What better time to have things go good then this time of year.Happy Holidays Mary&Scott
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