How do you deal with the guilt?

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chrisnsteph1022
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2003
Total Posts : 973
   Posted 8/19/2009 5:01 AM (GMT -7)   
How do you handle the guilty feelings of things you do when hypomanic, once you come down? I feel myself getting depressed now, as we're struggling to pay the bills after I spent about $10k last month. Obviously, it was money we didn't really have to spend. I do all the finances in our house-pay all the bills, balance the budget, etc. And I financed things (lasik surgery, laser hair removal, etc.) that I just did on a whim. Not to mention the sexual stuff. DH knows about everything and says he'll always be by my side and we'll make it through. But I just feel so guilty for putting us in this position. But at the same time, I really had a lot of fun and was so happy. Now reality is setting in. sad How can I forgive myself? It's just not fair to my family to make them deal with me.
Stephanie, 29, married for 10 wonderful years and mommy to two awesome toddlers
dx with Crohn's 4/2003, in remission since 11/2003
dx with bipolar II 8/2009, still trying to figure it out


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 8/19/2009 9:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey chrisnsteph,

Get yourself a therapist -- you need to talk about some of this guilt and work through it in a positive way. Guilt is an extremely toxic emotion and can really push depression along. I'm concerned. I know how bad guilt can make you feel. What's done is done. You accept it and move forward. Your husband loves you. You'll be okay. Find a therapist.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


chrisnsteph1022
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2003
Total Posts : 973
   Posted 8/19/2009 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
I do see a therapist every two weeks. And I have my first appointment with a psychiatrist in 3 weeks to start discussing meds.
Stephanie, 29, married for 10 wonderful years and mommy to two awesome toddlers
dx with Crohn's 4/2003, in remission since 11/2003
dx with bipolar II 8/2009, still trying to figure it out


sentientderangement
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 8/19/2009 1:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Guilt is one of my best friends. I am constantly going over things I did when I was sick and feeling guilty over them. Not just guilt, but shame and self hatred. These things are not easy to deal with. It may help to journal a bit to get to the root of the problem and start talking yourself through the thoughts and feelings.

mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 8/19/2009 10:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Unfortunately guilt usually comes hand in hand with BP. I can not stress how important it is to have a good therapist, besides being on the correct meds. Being on the right meds puts you in a better frame of mind to really deal with what you have done. And a good therapist will help teach you how to do this.

Manic spending was my main problem before I was diagnosed also. A lot of guilt goes along with that, as I was reminded of it often. But therapy not only for me, but with my husband too helped a lot.
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch


cbear
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 8/20/2009 1:30 AM (GMT -7)   
hi! thank you thank you thankyou! for bringing up this subject just when i needed it most. my wonderful 19 yr. old daughter has been home for the summer from college. everything was great at first. then things started to change. dont know if it was me spiraling or her getting angry at me for getting sick, as shes been known to do. i bcame bi-polar when she was 14, a freshman in high school. over these yrs. since, shes bcome increasinly rude, argumentative and direspectful towards me. just me. sheas so mad that im sick. im not the mom she used to have. along with being bi, i also have fibro and several other illnesses, im in alot of pain and able to do much. ok so the stage is set. yesterday i asked her to do something for me. in her usual shrill voice she said i should do it myself, that im ALWAYS asking her to do things for me. (Not true!)later we were speaking on the phone and things escalated quickly. we both said things to hurt each other, things we didnt mean. i must say when it comes to sarcasm i am the queen. i said a bunch of smart aleck remarks, some real zingers. i was a real b---h. to my own lovely precious daughter who i would give my life for. how could i do that and how can i ever forgive myself? its after 4 a.m. ive up for a while, am in alot of pain both physically and emotionally. ive just started working with a pain specialist, and am seeing a psychiatrist and i will start therapy soon.ive just started weaning off some meds. im wondering if any of those things could have caused me to do what i did. am i just a horrible, terrible mother? (oh, during our phone conversation i made a negative comment about her boyfriend. she told me later that he had heard it. i guess he heard the whole thing. he must think im a monster,too.) my husband, our daughter and i had a long conversation after the "storm". i sobbed the whole time telling her how sorry i was and how very much i love her. all this time i just wished i were dead. i couldnt stand to see the pain i had caused. you cant take your horrible words or deads back. you have to deal with the here and now. and try to do better in the future. i know when finances are involved as you said, it may take a while to "fix "things. the really sad thing is that we cant even tell our loved ones well never do it again. they know better. i guess when we mess up all we can do is apologize and try to do better in the future.
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