You sound a whole lot like me (or at least I feel like it). My husband and I are both Bipolar2. He was dx in 2000 and I was Dx in 2007. He is controlled, and I am getting better at dealing with it. I was also Dx with RA in Feb of 2008 and it is making controlling the BP difficult.
Right now my husband (Rob) is working 37 hours a week as a CNA in a hospital, overnights on a weekend shift. He is also a fulltime student in the first year of a nursing school. He has told me that there is never a time that he is not tired. He has started to have heart health problems reciently, so his stress level has gone way up. He does a lot like your husband does and sleeps the day away 4 out of 7 days of the week.
I have 3 girls ages 11, 8 and 5. We all live in a small 2 bedroom home, so it is very crouded inside. I used to work and bring in about half of our income, but since 2007 I have not been able to work and my Pdoc has told me that I should not consider getting a job for the sake of my health, so our income has been cut in half and all our savings have been eaten up over the last 2 years.
I struggle with the fact that I can no longer participate in the income for our family, but even without working I have been unable to keep up with the housework and childcare. Reciently I would spend entire days in bed or on the couch in prolonged BP lows. Rob would takeover all the housework, all the childcare and even take care of me untill I could pull out if the low. Now, with his nursing school just started and having to continue being the sole provider of our family he won't be able to do that.
It is my turn to keep myself strong enough to take care of the house and children and even my husband as he gets overwhelmed with a very full schedule. I'm like you in that I am nervous that I have not been able to do that so far- so what if I can't?
I do have one thing going that all of the kids are in school through the day for the first time ever, and that makes me feel like I get a bit of a break. The first 2 days I slept the entire time they were in school even though the house was a wreck. I remember having kids that needed constant supervision and not feeling like I was physically or mentally up to it. My husband was in the military and I wasn't arround family, so I was on my own too. ( I put up baby gates to lock them into the safest room in the house, pulled out toys and turned on the TV to kid shows, laid pillows on the floor and dozed while they crawled all over me. I was still somewhat aware of their activity, and they still felt like I was participating since we were physically touching most of the time. It really felt like a break back then.)
I have surrounded my husband and me with tools to help both of us cope with the effects of Bipolar2. I have lists of what daily activities are posted in the hallways. I have dry erase boards posted in 4 locations all over the house where we can write reminders for the unscheduled chores that need done. If they are written where I will see them, I don't have to keep them in my mind and I don't feel such a heavy load needing to remember to get everything done. One good thing about this is that if your husband does this too, and you see something that you can do for him, it could give him just the lift he needs for that day- and it could be really simple!
Keep in mind that the added pressure of your health will affect his health, and his health will affect your health as well. To take care of him you must take care of yourself as well. It could be that in this season of your life you just need outside help to get though. It is not a weakness to seek out help when you need it. It shows wisdom. If your "plate" is full, you must hand something over to put something else on it, and if his plate can't handle it either, you must find someone else willing to take what they can for you to get by for this season.
I never believed it when people told me that when your children are young it is a season of life when you MUST accept help from others. It is a time when you accept much more than you can give. (those without children who have the energy to help, and those with grown children who miss their babies) Seek out someone who can do this for you. Just like winter seems to last forever, this will feel like it will never end. But just like spring allways follows, so will this time pass, and someday you can help a young mother in her needy season. (seek them out when you are ready to give)
I'm not there yet- but someday I will be. I'm far enough ahead of you that I can see the end of the road- it's there! Just get through this hour, and then the next, and then the next. That's how you be strong.
Even though I do not understand where I am going on the path that God has laid out for me, I must submit to His plan and trust that He will take me where I need to be.
Bipolar treatment-Lamictal, 200mg, Mood stabelizer, daily(main side effect: brain fog) Bipolar treatment-Cymbalta, 40mg, Antidepressant, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting, insominia) Anemia, Fatigue treatment- Iron supplement, 65mg, daily(main side effect: constipation) Insominia treatment- Ambien, 10mg, daily(main side effect: amnesia eppisodes between taking pill and falling asleep) Mania treatment- Alprazolam, .25mg, Very rarely(main side effect: fatigue, slowing of thoughts, depression of CNS, can't take ambien or vicodin when on it) RA treatment- Plaquenil, 400mg, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting) RA treatment- Methotrexate, 25mg, 1X weekly(main side effects: hair loss, stomach upset, mouth sores, sore muscles, fatigue, brain fog, compromised immune system, decreased Folic Acid absorption) GI upset treatment- Leucovorin Calcium, 10mg 1x weekly(main side effects: ?) Folic Acid defintioncy- Folic Acid, 1mg, daily(main side effects: ?) Multi-mineral Supplement (main side effects: constipation, GI upset) Constipation treatment- Docusate Sodium, 200mg, daily(main side effects:?) pain control- Motrin, 800mg, PRN Q6hours daily(main side effects: GI upset, decreased clotting) Pain Control- Vicodin, 5-500mg, PRN Q12hours 3-4 times weekly (main side effects: brain fog, fatigue)