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BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 8/25/2009 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Geez, I don't even remember the last time I posted here - it's been THAT long...
 
Last I was here, I had made my husband move out to get his sh!t together - while he was out, he had a couple of drinking slips (once my sister caught him at the bar), so basically I went to him and just said "this is it" - i made him make a choice right then and there, no thinking about it, on whether he wanted to stay married, etc... well he chose to stay and at that point I said "fine, well then what are you going to do to keep us (me and the kids)" and he came up with a plan... a month later he moved back in and is a completely different person.  If I didn't see it myself every single day, I would never believe he would honestly change - but he has.  He takes his meds as regularly as he can remember - which makes a big difference, and he is just wonderful now.  He found a job making really good money with a guarantee of 4 years work (as long as he doesn't screw it up) - but he really seems more grounded now.  I think being out on his own made him realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.  He got a taste of the "single" life again, and he found it quite lonely!
I can only hope and pray that this continues for as long as possible - but to his credit, he's seeing a psychologist, psychiatrist, fam doc, drug and alcohol counsellor AND mental health case worker - so between all that, he's seeing someone at least once a week... sometimes 2 a week.  He's even just sat there while our kids crawl all over him - something that would have made him blow up once upon a time!!!!!!!!! 
I do know that this wonderful time may not last forever - but he's really serious about staying well and is doing his part of staying healthy!
 
SO THERE IS HOPE FOR ALL OF YOU OUT THERE WITH BP SPOUSES - THEY CAN CHANGE!!!
Life is either a daring adventure... or nothing
-Helen Keller


ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 8/25/2009 9:29 AM (GMT -7)   
No hope here. My BP spouse doesn't love me anymore, wants to be free to embrace life, wants to embrace the positive aspects that her mania has shown her. I'm a burden.

Not one mention of the impact on our child. Who cares that it destroys the kid, as long as she gets to go have fun.

BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 8/25/2009 10:19 AM (GMT -7)   
It has to be a choice they make - I didn't force my husband to stay with me, I made him make a choice, luckily - he chose to stay. I don't know much about your situation since I haven't been here in a long time, but you have to let her go. As much as it hurts and how grim the future looks, you are powerless to make her stay, and if you do manage to convince her (guilt her) to stay, she'll only further resent you. I knew my husband wanted to leave me - he flat out told me, but I had to do it my way - so I "kicked" him out (knowing that was what he wanted anyways) and 2 months later, he came back to me and has been a completely different person since!
Life is either a daring adventure... or nothing
-Helen Keller


ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 8/25/2009 10:27 AM (GMT -7)   
(I'm theronson, but changed my name because she knows where I post and reads them. Doesn't matter anymore. I have a history on here of discussing her disconnection and spending issues, and all the efforts I have been making to try to keep this together.)

Oh, I'm not holding on or trying to guilt her. She is absolutely sure of it and I don't have the strength anymore. There is so many times that you can be told you mean nothing to them, before you accept it as reality.

She's moving out in a week or less, once we tell our kid. She's already started work on the divorce.
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