I really need some help,
my wife and I have been together for 8 years, married 4.
we have 2 kids in the home which were hers prior to marriage, then i adopted them both as my own.
during the adoption she had to relive her childhood where she was abused physically, sexually, and emotionally by her father and i assume his friends. She also has been unable to identify the father of her oldest daughter. The night prior to going to court and have to admit this out loud she attempted suicide. I was away at my hockey game and came home to find her asleep. It was late i had not thought anything of the fact she was in bed. (she was taking Ambien for sleeping problems also)
I later went to bed, and was awoken in the middle of the night with her babbling about
something, as i awoke and tried to figure out what she was talking about
i could tell something was wrong. many times she had drank to much with her sleeping pills and really made herself crazy (sorry, but couldn't think of a better term). I could not understand her and could tell something was very wrong. She tried to walk to the bathroom and fell down the stairs, now i know something was very wrong. called her parents and they came and got her to take her to the hospital as there were 2 children asleep.
She had attempted suicide while i was away.
That was almost 2 years ago now, things have never come back to normal since they had diagnosed her as being BP and severely depressed.
she has been taking her meds regularly but stopped the therapist due to financial problems. Which leads me into her inability to hold a job. she can work, and has but seems to get fired. She has totaled her car last summer and hasn't been able to get around easily. I use my car for work and cannot afford for her to crash a third car. Which she did just a few weeks ago.
Over the last year i have seemingly been pushing her and the family away, I am not sure the complete cause of this other than i have been frustrated with her lack of effort in trying to find a job. We both are marijuana users almost daily, we are currently going through foreclosure, making her need to work even more important.
she has been home with the kids all summer, the kids have found a friend they really like and have been spending time with her almost all summer. my wife has been spending time at the friends house on and off and now has fallen for the father of the friend (who is single with custody of his 3 kids). she has told me in time the whole story, that he "listens, and makes her feel good and happy" which apparently i have not been doing a good job of recently. She claims to have been telling me for the last 2 years that i have been pushing them away, I had a talk with our youngest the other night and listened to her tell me she didn't think we were a family and that she didn't feel loved ect. the same thing my wife has been telling me all along (as she puts it) but it was different hearing things from the little one rather than from my wife.
now she has been having an emotional affair with this guy, it has lead to some kissing and other small forms of affection she claims. I have asked about
the sex part of it and she swears on the childrens lives that it hasn't gotten that far (yet).
before the conversation with the child, (which i forget to mention that i came out the the children as being a drug user, they kinda freaked out. to put it mildly) I started seeing a therapist and have had a really good opportunity to look at myself in the mirror and realize drug use has been desensitizing me for some time. Since the conversation with the kids about
my drug use i have been clean, and plan on continuing to be sober. (she did not tell the children about
her drug use).
I have worked things out with the children now and we are all speaking again, i had moved out that night as it seemed my selfish act of telling them i had a drug problem really pushed the youngest away, but we have worked things out after not really speaking for a week. The older daughter spent most of the week away from home with me.
During this time i had asked my wife to decide whom she wants to be with, me or him.
she cannot decide still. he "makes her happy" and she's "not sure i can fix what i have broken" in her heart.
I dont know how much i should continue to fight for her, I love her so much but part of my original problem is that i have been feeling responsible for the suicide attempt, and i feel that she quit on myself and the family. more or less holding a grudge. Please dont get me wrong i have my share of problems, I am controlling and a jealous person all of which i am working on to improve with my therapist. She had begged me not to leave her while she lay in the hospital bed recovering from her attempt and i didn't, even though i despise the cowardly act of suicide (sorry, just my personal feelings). I feel she is just trying to avoid the current problems we are having financially and emotionally by escaping to this guy.
all she does is say that it's my fault, and i am at fault i accept that...but cannot change what i have done, said, believed ect. I can only make things better from here on out.
where do i draw the line?
i am so scared she will do something again to harm herself.
i have talked to many people and they say this isnt all my fault, but these are all friends and family and im not sure im getting a non bias opinion.
there are many more details but my fingers hurt from typing,
please, please....any advice would help me out tremendously
i can clarify anything you might want to know (please dont hesitate to ask any questions, i am an
open book at this point)
Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 8/27/2009 7:04:43 AM (GMT-6)