Sister with BP now in mental asylum

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ivorycharm
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 8/26/2009 7:18 AM (GMT -7)   
How sad it is to see my older and one and only sister ends up in mental asylum after 20 years of struggling with this ailment
sad sad sad

Her BPD started on her last year in the university. She suddenly become depressed, stopped eating & sleeping at 19 years old. My parents brought her to a doctor and she was given medications (akinetone & another med which I forgot its name). During the early years her episodes were few (once or twice a year only). I tried to help her finish her studies but after few months in school she would have her episodes.

She also became promiscuous and got pregnant by a bum several years younger than her. I raised her child (now 10 years old) because her cycles of mania and depression became more frequent afterward.

She lived with my parents in the province and since my father was also sickly money was scarce to buy any medicine for her. I was a full time mother to 3 kids then so I can't help her financially.

During the last 5 years she became violent to my parents so they wanted to put her to the mental asylum to get the medical attention that she needs and we her family cannot provide for her.

One month before my father died from an asthma attack, he placed her in the mental asylum under a criminal case (that's the only way she can get in for free otherwise fees for her stay is too high for my parents to afford with a meager income).

Two months from now she will be on her 2nd year of confinement.

I have desire to take her home but I have young children and my husband definitely doesn't want her near us because of her history of violence during her episodes.

I hope someday we can all be together again.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 8/27/2009 6:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello ivory charm,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. Thanks for joining us.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 8/27/2009 8:16 AM (GMT -7)   

 

Hi ivory charm,

Welcome to healingwell's bipolar forum.

I can certainly understand you wanting to be near your sister and having a relationship with her. She has had a difficult life. You are wonderful to have taken her child under your wing to give him/her a better life that it would have not known otherwise. ((Hugs))

I have to agree though with your husband. You sister has a past of being violent and has a serious mental disorder that requires her to be under a psychiatrist’s care and on medication for life. She most probably needs talk therapy as well.

As much as you want to be there for her, if and when she comes out of confinement she is going to have to be responsible for getting the care she needs or someone else should working on that with her.

You have done a wonderful thing for her by raising her child and now you need to continue to do the best thing for all of your children and husband by keeping everyone safe. Even if you feel she wouldn't be a threat any more, your husband is not willing to take her in so in my opinion the case is closed. You cannot jeopardize your marriage with going against your husband. This is something you both need to agree upon. Again in my opinion, you have done your share and it would be a mistake to take her in.

You can still visit her when you like. If and when she gets out you can continue to visit her with dates away from your home...meeting at a restaurant, etc.

I know you're hurting...but you need to keep your wits about you too.

Best of luck.

Sincerely, ~sukay~ blush


~sukay~
 Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
 
Leo Buscaglia


ivorycharm
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 9/1/2009 7:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks a lot Sukay!

I appreciate your reply a lot :-) It helps me get rid of the guilt feeling of not giving the best to my sister when my hands are already full with much bigger responsibilities (to be a wife and a mother).

I will follow your advise definitely and will just pray that my sister will fully recover so she can live with my mother and someday when her child is all grown up she will be the one to take care of her.

Actually, I raised her child with great love for her so that someday they can be together to catch up being a real mother and child.

sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 9/1/2009 9:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi ivorycharm,
 
You're very welcomed!
 
You know...there is nothing to feel guilty about.  You are doing a really wonderful thing for your sister by raising her child.  That is one heck of a huge responsibility to take on.  Plus you are raising your own family.  How much more busier do you need to be before you will stop feeling guilty for not being able to do any more????
 
There comes a time when people just have to know their own limits before they take on too much for themselves and then all havoc lets loose.  There is nothing wrong with setting your limits and accepting that your plate is full enough.  And there is nothing wrong with letting people know that if they were to come looking for help. Take it from me...I've been there!
 
 
Remember that your sister will never be fully recovered.  Bipolar does not just go away.  It can only be managed with the proper medications and close contact with psychiatrist.
 
 
Best wishes.

cbear
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 138
   Posted 9/9/2009 1:26 PM (GMT -7)   
hi. im so sorry for all you are going through. i cant imagine how difficult things are. i really dont have anything to add to the previous responses. they gave you some great advice. i just wanted you to know that i will be thinking of you and wishing you the very best.
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