Could not go to work-Overwhelmed and sick

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bipolarempress
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 8/27/2009 9:13 AM (GMT -7)   
I could not go to twork today.  I have been very overwelmed and I got sick and was in the bathroom for 1/2 hours this morning and my stomach was upset.  I almost felt like I wanted to die.  Then I thought I could go to the hospital and tell them I am suicidal then maybe people would take me seriously and know how I am feeling.  Then I thought but if I was in the hospital the food sucks so I do not want to go there.  So I just sat of the sofa and cried then called my cousin.  I felt  this coming on when I got back from my weekend trip.  I always get depressed when I return and have to go back to work.  And I have a milion things I have to do, doctors appts.., etc.  With my ADD I really get overwhelmed because I have to work and I am tired metally which affects me physically.!I hate working and am only there because I have to.  I felt myself getting angry and agitated at small things.  And I crieid a few times and while walking up to the 4th floor because my knees hurt so much!  I know you are saying arn't there elevators? Yes, but I have clausterphobia and cannot ride alone. I do ride with others.  Some of my wonderful co-workers have told me just call them and they will come down but it is embarassing. I have been working for 38 years and I am tired of fighting!  I am just ready to retire. But I can't because my salar will plummemt to $12,000.00. I have overcome my mothers death when I was 27, I stopped drinking, I stopped smoking.  I am jealous of people  that do not have to work.  I have so many things that I love but do not have the time to do them.  Its the same old story from me; nothing new.  I keep praying.  Thanks.  You guys are really nice.

sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 8/27/2009 2:33 PM (GMT -7)   

 

Hi BPempress,
 
I'm so sorry that you are feeling so crummy.  You have been feeling this way for a long time now.  Can you discuss this depression and stress issue with your pdoc and possibly get a medical leave of absence? I think you really need to stress to your pdoc how much everything is affecting you at home and at work.
 
It sounds like you are carrying a very heavy load on yourself mentally and I wouldn't want you to crash.  It sounds like a medical leave is really in order.
 
I hope you feel better today and have a peaceful weekend.
 
blush

~sukay~
 Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
 
Leo Buscaglia


bipolarempress
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 8/27/2009 3:08 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you so much Sukay.  There is not much the pdoc can do.  Its not my meds because I know myself very well.  I know it is emotional. I go through this all the time.  Its like my brain just gets so overloaded I get exhausted physically and I cannot go out and I do not want to see anyone and I lie in bed. If I take a medical leave of abscense I will use up all of my leave and not have any for emergnecies. There is a leave donor program but I could not do that.  That will make me crazy because I like to be prepared.  I know what you are thinking boy these are excuses.    The only time was when I was out due to a huge tumor on my ovaries and was in severe pain before the op. and I was at home a total of a month and even though I had my stomach cut wide open (28 stitches) I was happier than I have ever been in my life because I was at home!!  But you do have a good suggestion and after I return from vacation I will call the doctor.  My husband even said leave now go. So I have one more day then I will go.  I have not taken two weeks in over 10 years.  Its always a day here or a few days there due to my conditions and it eats up my leave. I mentioned to someone that I do not have much sick leave and they could not believe it and said you work for the Federal government you should have tons of leave?  I simply said I am sick.  And if I were not the in FED gov I would have been fired a long time ago. I am thinking of going to another psychiatrist because mine tells me I am not bad enough to go on disability but I told her that if I did not work where I work with very, very understanding people I would have been fired long time ago.

Thank you very much for your imput.


Southpaw11
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 8/29/2009 12:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey there.
 
Hope you are feeling better today.  Not bipolar but experienced extreme sadness with the loss of my 11 year old daughter.  they symptoms were sort of how you described. but you know all you can do is take it one day at a time.  Of course with bipolar you also have to take your meds and try to not  get too stressed out about things.  use your coping techniques and whatever else you pull strength from.  you gotta have an anchor. for me it is prayer.  I pray when I am down.  It is soothing to believe in a higher power, for me it is.  also being in nature helps.  if you have a back porch, maybe spending time out there on the patio with a good book or listening to your favorite music, anything you enjoy to lift your spirits.
 
It's funny how you envy those who stay home.  I am just the opposite. with these rheumatoid hands and fingers that look like curly fries, I envy those who work outside the home and can actually be good at it and not have to apologize for an illness. that's why I am going back to school, to learn to do something I can do whether i am physically abled or not.
 
Hang in there.  as the old folks say, trouble don't last always.  there will be good days coming around in no time.
 
take care.
southpaw11
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