Bipolar exhusband affecting children

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 9/8/2009 9:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello out there. I am writing in desperation because I feel very alone. My exhusband suffers from bipolar. Our divorce was a nighmare. It still continues to be. In the course of out proceedings, he inherited 150k, which made litigation a horrible expirence. He tried to take my kids away from me. I continue to let him control me becasue I am still afraid of him. We have been in seperate households for over a year and a half. our pre teen child has taken over my role of the protector in his house. Our 7 year old shows signs of anger, rage, and depression. He is now filling the shoes of his dad when in my household. I understand that that is common in a disfunctional houshold. His melt downs are a trigger for his dad's bipolar reactions.
To make matters worse, he started dating a very young monther of 2, and after 6 weeks of dating, she moved in to his home with her two children (under the age of 5). She and her children are now the object of his affection, and my kids are crushed.
I could blog so much more, but that is a good start. I hope that someone out there can at least tell me I am not alone. rolleyes

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/8/2009 12:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi stillswimmin,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. I hope you find the support and community you're looking for here.

I'm sorry you've suffered so with your ex. Bipolar affects all people differently, and it sounds like your ex has made it very hard for you. I hope you and your kids are in therapy. They deserve to have that support.

Good luck,
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 9/8/2009 6:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Divorce is terrible anyway...but to throw in bipolar with it, I bet that was rough. I feel for your boys, I hope you have them in some sort of therapy to help deal with having a bipolar parent. I think it would definitley help.
"Just because you're in the driver's seat, doesn't mean
you have to run people over." ~ Fred Pausch

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 9/8/2009 7:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear stillswimmin,
You are far from alone, although I know how isolating having a BP husband can feel. yeah
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through, but in my opinion, you did the right thing by removing yourself and your children from a toxic environment.  I'm sure it was not an easy decision, and one you were finally forced to take.  Very familiar with young children 'triggering' bipolar reactions as my husband has the same triggers, and more...I have been with him for 13 yrs and we have 2 wonderful children, and I doubt 1 day goes by that I don't worry about what kind of mood he'll arrive home in, or how his episodes affect them, as I know they affect me deeply.  I was wondering if your husband was on medications or seeing a dr/therapist?  Mine is on meds and sees his psychiatrist once every 3 months, but he still has problems.  His BP diagnosis came with a myriad of other disorders, the least of which is his sleep disorder and as a result, his serious lack of zzzzz's.  I am a student nurse and have tried to absorb as much as humanly possible about this illness to try to help and support him, and at the same time minimize my own hurt, confusion, fears and disappointments.  I've seen a therapist for years on/off to try to find the support and ear that I need to try to understand 'the bipolar mind' and get through the rough times.
I came very close to leaving my husband with our 2 children last year.  I saw a divorce attorney and I was in a fog (likely the depression I was feeling at the time), even though I knew why I was doing it.  I guess we've been together so long and I do love him, but I wonder sometimes when enough is enough.
Bipolar diagnosis is so different for each person.  Many friends I have met on this board in the past manage it amazingly well for what they are suffering with.  Some don't try at all, or they definetely don't have the awareness, and those that they love get hurt over and over again.  Even someone suffering with BP would get tired of being hurt over and over again by someone they love.
It doesn't help that your ex is being so selfish and your children are suffering, as I know you are.  I just hope that he realizes what he is doing sooner rather than later, but I'm not sure what state of mind he is in.  Your children are lucky to have you, and I'm sure you will be the strong, unconditionally loving mother that they know.  There's a reason to stay strong, ya know?  But sometimes we need support and help too.
I'm here if you'd like to chat's hard to talk about with those who don't really understand.
Prayers & hugs to you and your children,
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