I can relate to except we do not have kids. I am the Bipolar one but it is my husband who flys off the handle. I do not act that way. I mostly get depressed and cry and I am also on medication have been in therapy for years. He brings up things I did wrong (he thinks) in the past just as your husband does. He has even brough up his fist to my face but never hit me. He refuses to go to therapy with or without me. So he is and unmedicated lunitic. Its been over a month since he has flown of fhe handle and the last time he said if he does it again he will leave. Now does that make sense? In stead of saying I will go seek help and go to any lenghths to save our marriage he just said I will leave. Bazzarr! After his ourbursts over littel things the next day I say to him, am I am *****, am I selfish and all the things he called me??? I say why would you talk that way to your sweet wife who has done nothing to deserve this treatment? He will say Iam sorry and I am just very frustrated with my job and it has nothing to do with you!! You are the sweetest women in the world and you do not deserve this treatment. Its all about me he says. He is the most honest man I have ever met, the most ethical, hard working, fun etc. He just has a flaw like your husband does but you havec hildren and Dr. Phil says it changes who they are. I know that to be true becasue my dad yelled and scremed at my mom and us kids and was in rages and it effected my self esteem. I got inot alcohol, etc. I am an adult and know my husband is the crazy one but children do not. So please get help for you and your children. We cannot change others but we can change ourselves.
Thank you for responding!
When you ask your husband why he treats his sweet wife that way, he replies that he is sorry and tells you it has nothing to do with you. I am happy you hear that, because that is really what is missing in our home. If my husband said that to me, it is so easy to feel better, forgive and move forward. Mine just finds some reason to blame his own behavior or hurtful words on me, and that is what is so painful to me, and so confusing.
My husband also has many good things about him. I know he is a good man with a good heart, that's why I've stayed all these years and through the ups and downs. I understand he deals with a lot, but so do I when he acts this way.
My children and their well being are my priority. It upsets me to hear that about your dad, although I know that can happen. Some of the time he controls himself, some of the time he doesn't. In therapy, I learned to be very open with my children about "Daddy's rages". I do not hide things from them which I think is important. I also make sure they know that the conflict is not their fault, and that Dad should not handle things in that way and that I don't ever expect them to. I wish so much that he would realize how his lack of self control affects all of us. The only time it's not comfortable and peaceful in our home is when he is raging or causing chaos in some way. When I finally get upset and stand up to him or try to talk with him or whatever, he tries to say that I have the problem. There is no reasoning with him that he is being irrational and not making sense.
I have been in counseling forever it seems to both educate myself and learn how to cope with this situation. I think taking my children to a counselor with me would be a great idea. It's hard to talk about this, and my children are young and won't understand the whole scope of what is really going on until they are older. I try my very best to protect them. Sometimes mom needs protection and help too, and this is where I am.
I'm just so exhausted from all of my energy trying to deal with him right now. He is back to being angry because I told him he hurt me last night with his rage and hurtful words. He's acting like he is the victim and like he has been wronged somehow, and as though I am the one with the problem (again). I finally started crying out of frustration I guess, and he just coldly ignored me. I just don't understand it, it's like he is totally into himself and his perceptions, and not 1 care about how I am feeling or about the way he acts that is hurtful. After trying unsuccessfully to talk with him, I felt physically sick, which I know is from the stress.
I've read each and every post on your query tonight before I submitted my comment and see the same thing over and over again.
Post Edited (sukay) : 9/18/2009 4:15:23 AM (GMT-6)
You said, "My intention of sharing my struggle with this forum was to get some insight from those who suffer from BP on the irritability issues, where it comes from, do they really mean what they say, "
I have bipolar and that is why I am here. I know all about irritability issues and where it comes from. You are the one asking if "they" mean what they say. I guess my post will answer your question.
I meant exactly what I said in my previous reply to you but obviously you totally misinterpreted what I had said. I have been on this forum for a very long time too and people around here can vouch for my character.
I did not know that I was not your friend or that I was breaking any rules by replying to "your private posts". We don't have those around here. This is an open forum and we have e-mails for private conversations.
I will not bother to read any of your private posts as you requested.
I hope you find the answers that you want.