I don't know what to do, I don't know if my Wife is suffering from BPD though I am a bit more assured after reading some of the posts here. After being chased out of our house this morning (again) by a slew of insults and threats that stemmed from the cat jumping onto our bed (she always does early in the morning so i will feed her) I did not know where else to turn, I have nobody to talk to about
this and to say that i am feeling a little hopeless or helpless is an understatement.
The next step is to go and see a psychiatrist myself because i feel sometimes like it is me that is going crazy or that maybe i deserve the treatment she gives me and im just not seeing what i do that makes her so mad. She unloads on me for the smallest things and its not like she just gets a little mad, she calls me names that are so hurtful, that cut so deep, the likes of which i will not spell out here because they go beyond obscenity. The next day however, or even later on in the day of such an event, which occurs at least weekly anymore, all will be well as if it never happened, really...never happened! There is never any resolve, never an apology, if I try to talk with her about
it she just blows up again and says things like, 'oh poor you, your such a victim, its always you you you!' She has hit me, she has thrown things at me. I am afraid at what she is doing when i am not there and her 4 yr old son is, let alone our cat and dog.
(edited out this paragraph as per forum posting rules)
She does help with some of the financial aspects of living, but she doesn't work. I do all the yard work and a fair amount of the house work, in fact, until we moved 6 weeks ago into our new house that has a dishwasher she never, and i mean never cleaned the kitchen and rarely cleaned anything else. My income pays all our utilities and our mortgage and whatever is left goes to house upkeep, groceries etc. I keep nothing for myself and even that isn't good enough, i hear all the time about
how i don't do Sh-t ever and I'm useless.
I know how this sounds, i read it and think to myself what on earth i am doing? Honestly though, when she is not manic she is a really good mom and a good wife and my best friend and it breaks my heart to pieces. I love her with every fiber of my being, she is my soul mate and i married her because i want to truly spend the rest of my life with her and none other. Her personality has a lighter side, and ive never met a woman that treats me as good as she does when she is not angry about
something, she is literally like a female Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and there is no telling the difference between the two until something sets her off. I am at a loss as to what to do or how to help her or our relationship...she just keeps getting worse.
I have tried to suggest seeing a doctor both when we are fighting and when she is not in one of her manic states, she outright refuses saying that when she was younger (her mom passed away when she was 14) she tried all that and it didn't work and how dare i even bring it up. I have tried to talk with her about
her temper and about
just trying to take it easier on me, this leads to the 'poor you, poor you' routine. I have tried to talk with her about
her consumption levels and she refuses to acquiesce to slowing down or even listening to what i am saying.
I Do Not Know What To Do, I don't know if it is just me, i don't know if i should get a divorce even knowing full well how much it would hurt me to do so. I am stuck and feeling pretty darned sad and helpless about
it and I know as a result i am falling deeper and deeper into depression. Im not uneducated by any means, i hold an MA in anthropology and i work as a full time research associate so its not for lack of understanding the situation that has me feeling so destitute... its in not knowing what to do next.
some of you here have been leveling with this for some time, I am new and lost. I want to be that rock that some of you speak of with regards to your husbands being there for you, how can i be that rock? How can i be that ray of light and hope for her? I just want her to be happy, which will in turn make me happy... i need help. thank you for reading this and letting me get this off my chest, its good to know that there might be some hope in all this.
Post Edited (clowdy) : 9/23/2009 9:37:01 AM (GMT-6)