THank you for all of your kind words and support. I do have a support system in place but it is very limited. Most people don't seem to understand bi-polar disorder. The supports that I have are wonderful. I was in talk therapy and it was going very well, but I can no longer afford it as my ex has taken me off his benifits. I am going to court to fight this and other issues which make me to angry to talk about without breaking some rules.
My psych is very supportive, I have been with him for 4 years now and he is great. He is hesitant to make too many changes to my meds right now as he feels a lot of this is situational and he is concerned that I will become manic, which is much harder for us to control.
I take Lamital, which I know a lot of people have trouble with but it has worked very well for me for the past 6 years. I'm currently on Cipralex (not sure of spelling) as an anti depressent as well as some new one, I can't remember the name. I unfourtunately have been very difficult to medicate. I am allergic to many mood stablers and have a-typical reactions to a lot of antidepressents. This has been extreamly frustrating, but we just do our best to muddle through.
For a few years my husband was supportive of my illness, he knew before we got involved and did a lot of research about the illness pior to our becoming serious. Then he started using it as a means to control me. He encouraged me to leave work to find a less demanding job, then discouraged me from getting another one. This made me totally reliable on him financially. When ever I had a good day, or bad day, it was always my illness and not that I was human. He discouraged me to talk to my friends, saying that he understood me and that he was the only support I needed. When I finally decided to leave him he claimed that I was manic, tried to take me to the hospital, phoned my friends and family and my doctors. While this may sound like concern and not an attempt to control his actions were not that simple. He refused to listen to anyone, saying that I was lying to my doctors and my friends and family, that he was the only one who knew what this was and that I was rapid cycling. We tried to point out to him that trained doctors would likely be able to figure out what was wrong even if I was being dishonest and the reality was that I never missed an appointment, I never missed my meds and I reached out for additional help. He continued to insist that I was manic. This has made our divorce process very difficult.
I am sorry about the rant, but it feels good to get it out. Despite the fact that I have spent a lot of my time in this forum unloading I would like people to know that I do listen, infact I think I am pretty good at it. But on days like today I just need to rant.
Thank you all for taking the time to "listen". I hope that I will have the chance to return the favour.