Need help about my daughter's exboyfriend who is Bipolar

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Red_34
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Date Joined Apr 2004
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   Posted 9/29/2009 5:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I had a post about a month or two ago about how to help my daughter deal with a bipolar boyfriend.  He was at extremes and he wasn't taking his medication.  He became obsessed with my daughter as well as possessive.  My daughter is only 14 and he is 13. 
 
My daughter finally had enough of it and she broke up with him a couple days ago.  Since then he has been stalking her.  He keeps calling and texting her constantly begging her to give him another chance.  But then yesterday I got a call from her at school saying that he was on the school grounds (which he has been banned from previously) and she was afraid.  A friends mother picked her up and took her home but after she got in the car, her ex bf started chasing the car.  He then sent a friend over to get her to talk to him (he is not allowed on our property because we threatened to call the police on him).  Of course I refused to let him talk to her.  I also found out that he was knocking on her bedroom window the night before trying to get her to talk to him - it scared her so she slept on the couch (she didn't come and tell us because she thought it was a dream).  We have an alarm system so he if gets in the house the alarm will sound and the police will come.
 
He is now texting her (after I told him not to call her anymore) and telling her that they can remain friends.  I told her that I don't want her to have anything to do with him.  I am actually afraid for my daughter.  I do not know what he is going to do.  His mother is of no help because she has mental issues herself as well as serious health conditions.  I am not sure what else to do.  I hate having my daughter be afraid to leave the house.
 
Her junior high told her yesterday that if they see him around the school again they were going to have the resident police officer at the school take him away.
 
If anyone has been in a similiar situation, I would love to hear from you.  I don't know what else to do.  I am thinking about getting a restraining order but this kid does not respect authority whatsoever and he is going to disregard the restraining order.  I am not afraid to call the police if I have to. 
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Bentyl, Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate ALL mesalamines**IBS~Allergies-Singulair, Zyrtec~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Sacroiliitis~bulging and herniated discs C5/C6 & C6/C7~Epidural injections (2 series of 3), OA-Celebrex, Tylonel Arthritis and Voltaren Gel
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SnowyLynne
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Date Joined Apr 2004
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   Posted 9/29/2009 7:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Can you talk to the kids parents??
SnowyLynne


Red_34
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Date Joined Apr 2004
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   Posted 9/29/2009 7:21 AM (GMT -7)   
His father is severly Bipolar and is out of the picture now after a violent episode with this kid's mother. He lives with her and she is Bipolar as well but more on the depression side. I've tried talking to her but she is in major denial about everything that her son is doing. She believes that he doesn't do these kind of things even after I have shown her physical photo evidence that says otherwise (I'm talking doing some illegal activities prior to my daughter breaking up with him).

I'm thinking about calling social services because he is out of control and his mother doesn't seem to want to help him and/or control him. But I would really hate to do that.
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Bentyl, Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate ALL mesalamines**IBS~Allergies-Singulair, Zyrtec~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Sacroiliitis~bulging and herniated discs C5/C6 & C6/C7~Epidural injections (2 series of 3), OA-Celebrex, Tylonel Arthritis and Voltaren Gel
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jujub
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Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 10392
   Posted 9/29/2009 8:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Sherry, I don't really think the family's mental health challenges need to have any influence on what you do. It's sad, but your role is to protect your own family first. This kid sounds like he could very well be dangerous. You could be doing him a favor by bringing it to the attention of the authorities, because he might get some treatment.

I say stop threatening and call the police. Record phone calls, save text messages, print out e-mails and if possible get pictures when he trespasses. Then get the RO, and when he violates it call the cops again.
Judy
 
Co-moderator for Ulcerative Colitis


worriedgirl
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Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 9/29/2009 9:05 AM (GMT -7)   
i had some of the same things with a guy i was dating as a teen just not as bad and my mom had him taken down to the courthouse and the judge then threatened him with jail time if he was to bother me again. i would definitely start saving any emails text messages or anything you can and get a restraining order against him
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are


serafena
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 9/29/2009 9:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sherry,

I'm with Judy and worriedgirl. Call the police, if for no other reason than to get advice on how to proceed. What a shame that your poor daughter has to go through this.

Good luck,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23417
   Posted 9/29/2009 10:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the replies and advice. I will tell my daughter to start keeping any communication she has with him. He has not been violent with her, physically or in communication but he has that potential because he does have a violent past (fighting).
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Bentyl, Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate ALL mesalamines**IBS~Allergies-Singulair, Zyrtec~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Sacroiliitis~bulging and herniated discs C5/C6 & C6/C7~Epidural injections (2 series of 3), OA-Celebrex, Tylonel Arthritis and Voltaren Gel
To help Healingwell - click here: DONATE
 
 
 
 

 
 


mommy.michele
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 9/29/2009 12:57 PM (GMT -7)   
It is smart to keep record of everything he does...but most importantly you need to contact the police now. That way they can start a file, and most importantly there is legal record of the complaint. If he, God forbid, tried to hurt your daughter in anyway, or take it any further, the courts may not automatically give you a restraining order if you have not thought it bad enough to call the police.
Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet? - L. M. Montgomery


Splashdancer
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Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 927
   Posted 9/29/2009 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sherry! I usually post on the Chronic Pain forum, but I came across the title of your post and I wanted to respond. I hope you don't mind. I am speaking from first-hand experience and also as a volunteer domestic violence peer counselor. This boy is displaying classic symptoms of a potentially serious behavior. First, you need to call the police. They will take a report and then they will go speak to the boy and his mother. Hopefully, it will end there and he will leave your daughter alone. Then, like others have said - write down, record, or document everything (texts, phone calls, appearances, etc.). Make sure your daughter knows not to talk to, or respond to him in ANY way - she needs to completely ignore him. It sounds like she is already doing that, but I just wanted to include it anyway. Also, for awhile anyway, make sure your daughter always has a buddy with her (or family, of course). This boy may just be a harmless, broken-hearted kid who doesn't want to let go of his first "love", but he could also be very unstable and potentially dangerous. I hate saying that - I don't want to unnecessarily scare you, but I have seen this too many times to not say something. In cases like this, it is SO much better to be safe than sorry! I hope everything works out ok. I am not a professional, but I have "been there, done that" and I know alot about it. If I can help in any way, please let me know. Have a peaceful day. 
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