My story is a long and confusing one, and I need some help from someone who understands and has knowledge about this condition. My wife and I have been married for 20 years. She has always been faithful and has never even looked at another man. Also I have always known she had problems. This year we finally decided the OCD and severe anxiety needed to be addressed for her peace of mind.
She went to see a behavioral therapist for several sessions and she recommend that my wife see our family doctor and get some prescription medication to treat her problems in addition to her counseling. The therapist recommended some medications and advised her to stay away from anti-depressants. The doctor in his infinite wisdom decided she needed Zoloft and clonazepam. At first things appeared to be better, then the doctor increase the Zoloft to 150mg daily. I could see a noticeable change in my wife and see said that she was starting to feel better. One of the changes was that she began doing things my wife would not normally have done, such as flashing her breasts to a couple of male co-workers. She came home one day and told me that she had done it and seemed almost proud of the fact that she did it. She also began wearing revealing clothing around the house. She also cut her work t-shirts down the front a little to make a suggestive opening. At one point she told me that she had always feared that I would leave her and now she was no longer afraid or worried if that happened. She also told me that she liked the new her. I knew some things were different but I only saw the ripples on the surface. What I didn't know was that she was drinking daily in addition to taking the medication, and she even left work at lunch on many occasions to come home and drink, then went back to work. When she got home from work she would drink several beers and then hide the bottles before I got home from work. She had left me at home one night with our children and said she was going out to dinner with a girlfriend, but come to find out later she met one of the men she was having the affair with. She had him come over to our house several times and had sex in the garage knowing my teen age son could come home from school at any minute and catch them. This pattern continued to occur from May of this year until the middle of September. I was away for a weekend in the middle of September and when I arrived home that Sunday, I found my wife drunk and unmistakable evidence that she had had someone over to our house on that Friday night. When I confronted her she lied to me for three hours but she finally told me she had been having sex with another co-worker instead of the one I knew had been to my house. When I questioned her about him she finally admitted that she had had two affairs with these co-workers over a period of three months. This was happening before and after our family vacation and also at the same time we celebrated our twenty year anniversary. We argued and fought most of the night and the next morning we started again. She was really distraught and upset and she kept crying continuously. She kept telling me she needed help because this was not her and there was something wrong with her. I missed work and took her to see our family doctor. She explained what had happened, how she felt something was wrong and she needed help. All he could say was that it was not really his field but she should continue taking her medicine and see her therapist. We left there and went to see her therapist and told her the complete story. By this point my wife was almost ready to have a nervous breakdown. The therapist would not allow us to leave until I promised her that I would take my wife to the hospital and have her self admit herself into the psychiatric ward. I took my wife to the emergency room and once in the psychiatric ward I was told that I would need to leave now and that if all went well she may get to come home Friday. Needless to say I was in shock about the whole turn of events. She spent five days in the hospital and was diagnosed with severe anxiety, OCD and also as being bi-polar. That was five weeks ago and I am still struggling to understand what happened and why. When I asked why she did it she responded she didn't know why and it felt like it was not her doing those things. What I am trying to understand is did she not know what she was doing, did she know but didn't understand it was wrong, or she knew what she was doing and didn't care about the outcome. She did things I know she would never have done, almost like it was two entirely different people. Someone please help me understand what she was thinking and feeling during all of this time frame.
Sorry, forgot to say:
To answer your last question, my memory is of feeling very much like I was on a runaway train. First of all I felt just happy, then there was a gradual slide into an abnormal state of mind where I was doing things that made people who knew me go "Wow !" There was a little voice at the back of my mind telling me that something was wrong, but I just couldn't stop myself, I was enjoying myself too much and enjoying the attention I was generating. And typically people enjoy seeing someone that happy and outgoing, so there's little or no social pressure from others. Subtlety is absolutely wasted....as is condemnation.
Easier to say than to do, havta_b ! I'm great on theory,poor on practice ( except with errors). LOL
"No-one is ever entirely useless - they can always serve as a terrible example to others."
(British army saying.)