I just need a little help.

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Ripple
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/15/2009 3:44 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm so angry. angry angry angry. and for once i have a reason to be feeling this anger, but the anger came from no where. it was not precipitated or triggered it just came and its here and i want to break things. i want help and someone to listen but no one is ever there for me unless they see something in it for themselves. my sister had a baby yesterday and im sickened that i dont even care. i dont want to go see the baby or her kids or her. how messed up is that? i want someone besides a psychiatrist who thinks that pills will heal me.

Ripple
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/15/2009 4:15 PM (GMT -7)   
What am i supposed to do when i feel completely out of control? I am not on medication. I am alone in this and it really really sucks. I just want to be happy and normal and go through a day without crazy interruptions in my moods. I hate myself for being this way. I just want to be able to calm down and reason with myself and talk myself out of moods but I cant.

Ripple
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/15/2009 4:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Not even anyone online, people who dont know me, dont have to care, dont bother to. On a website based on healing and help and support not one person responds to my cry for help. Great.

O Buddy Boy
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/15/2009 4:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Ripple.

I'll try to help. I have been bi-polar II for 40 years. I learned a lot on that roller coaster ride.

May I ask how old are you? When were you diagnosed? What was the diagnoses? How long do you feel you have been this way?

OBB
55 yo
Dx:9/29/09
DRE: Susp
PSA: 3.5
Gleason: 3+4/7
6/12 Cores Positive; Sextants were 1%, 3%, 8%, 15%, 12%, 0%
RALP: 10/10/09
PATH:
Margins: Clear
Lymph Nodes: Clear
Seminal Vesicles: Clear
Gleason: No increase from biopsy 3+4/7
Some perineural and capsule invasion.
T2c,NO,MX


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/15/2009 5:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Ripple,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar forum.

I'm sorry you're feeling so desperate right now. I wish I had some comforting words of wisdom that everything will be alright without any intervention, but I don't. You need some help. If you don't want to see a psychiatrist and take medication, then at minimum you need to be talking with a counselor or therapist who can help you makes sense of your moods and learn how to live with them. You're suffering and you don't need to be. Come back and talk to us. We aren't an instant - chat type board, but we'll get to you soon enough.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


O Buddy Boy
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/15/2009 6:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Without knowing much about your situation I'll throw some thoughts out. It may not fit you, maybe it will.

Here goes.

Remember when you were little and you would spin yourself dizzy and you couldn't stand up straight? The fluids in your inner ear were still spinning even though you stopped, so you couldn't find your bearings. Living with bi-polar disorder is alot like that. That was true with my emotions.

I have had mine really mixed up.

I wouldn't know where I was emotionally, so I didn't trust them. So a lot of times I just quit feeling things. Like joy at the birth of a child, or grief at a funeral. And sometimes the emotion wasn't the right one -- it just got mixed up. I got angry and very sad at a surprise birthday once. I should have been happy.

You are not alone.

So what did I do?

After a while I learned to develop support networks to help me get my bearings. And I developed disciplines to guide how I worked and played. And I finally found a psychiatrist who seemed really interested in me, and not just in pushing pills.

Dealing with this disorder is hard work. But that work pays off.

OBB
55 yo
Dx:9/29/09
DRE: Susp
PSA: 3.5
Gleason: 3+4/7
6/12 Cores Positive; Sextants were 1%, 3%, 8%, 15%, 12%, 0%
RALP: 10/10/09
PATH:
Margins: Clear
Lymph Nodes: Clear
Seminal Vesicles: Clear
Gleason: No increase from biopsy 3+4/7
Some perineural and capsule invasion.
T2c,NO,MX


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 10/16/2009 4:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Ripple,
 
Welcome to our forum.  Sorry but sometimes it takes a while to get a response from others around here.  We're all struggling.  shakehead
 
I can't sleep and I've been up since about 3am!
 
I think serafena and O Buddy Boy had some great advise for you to consider.
 
Welcome O Buddy Boy.  Did you start a new post introducing yourself to us?  I'll have to look for it. 
 
While physically spinning like a top, I often say to my family about my moods ..."Round and round and round she goes...Where she stops, nobody knows!"
 

_Christina
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 10/16/2009 8:53 PM (GMT -7)   
I talk about it (my moods) like a swing (Wheeee!) and like a swing, once I get going it takes a lot of work or a lot of time to slow down and when you are going waaaay one way you know that it is going to shoot you waaaay the other way too.

I get frustrated too when I want an immediate answer to my cry and I wish that we could respond faster to each other.

I had a fight with my anger the last couple of weeks too. I felt like I had all the anger locked up inside and I juat wanted to break things or slug someone or go off the handle in some way and I was working so hard to keep myself from letting it all lose that I would go take a shower and cry. It didn't help andy. It was like PMS times 50 but at the wrong timing. After it left I was left all deflated and empty of feeling. That's where I am now.

I wish I could help the girl that started this post. I would want to tell her that sometimes the pills are just the right thing till we can figure some other things out.
 Christina
Even though I do not understand where I am going on the path that God has laid out for me, I must submit to His plan and trust that He will take me where I need to be. 
 
Current medications:
Bipolar treatment-Lamictal, 200mg, Mood stabelizer, daily(main side effect: brain fog) Bipolar treatment-Cymbalta, 40mg, Antidepressant, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting, insominia) Anemia, Fatigue treatment- Iron supplement, 65mg, daily(main side effect: constipation) Insominia treatment- Ambien, 10mg, daily(main side effect: amnesia eppisodes between taking pill and falling asleep) Mania treatment- Alprazolam, .25mg, Very rarely(main side effect: fatigue, slowing of thoughts, depression of CNS, can't take ambien or vicodin when on it) RA treatment- Plaquenil, 400mg, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting) RA treatment- Methotrexate, 25mg, 1X weekly(main side effects: hair loss, stomach upset, mouth sores, sore muscles, fatigue, brain fog, compromised immune system, decreased Folic Acid absorption) GI upset treatment- Leucovorin Calcium, 10mg 1x weekly(main side effects: ?) Folic Acid defintioncy- Folic Acid, 1mg, daily(main side effects: ?) Multi-mineral Supplement (main side effects: constipation, GI upset) Constipation treatment- Docusate Sodium, 200mg, daily(main side effects:?) pain control- Motrin, 800mg, PRN Q6hours daily(main side effects: GI upset, decreased clotting) Pain Control- Vicodin, 5-500mg, PRN Q12hours 3-4 times weekly (main side effects: brain fog, fatigue)
 
 
 
 


O Buddy Boy
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 10/19/2009 6:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Christina,

And sometimes the pill pushing gets to be so bad the P-doc loses all credibility.

The right one can make all the difference.

OBB
55 yo
Dx:9/29/09
DRE: Susp
PSA: 3.5
Gleason: 3+4/7
6/12 Cores Positive; Sextants were 1%, 3%, 8%, 15%, 12%, 0%
RALP: 10/10/09
PATH:
Margins: Clear
Lymph Nodes: Clear
Seminal Vesicles: Clear
Gleason: No increase from biopsy 3+4/7
Some perineural and capsule invasion.
T2c,NO,MX

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