i think my wife is bipolar

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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/30/2009 8:11 AM (GMT -6)   
about a month ago my wife told me that she wanted a separation. This came on the heels of me finding that she had been text messaging a guy that she works with. Things seemed to be going pretty good at home but I had been laid off from my job and bills were piling up. I noticed that my once very organized wife wasn't so organized anymore. I had mentioned this to her but she just blew it off and said that she was just to worn out from work. So anyway, she scheduled me a flight to go see my sister for a few weeks so we could let the air clear and see where we stood when i got home. While I was visiting my sister I had checked her emails and found that the guy she had been texting was taking her on an overnight trip to another town to see an NFL game. I was highly upset. I confronted her on this and she just said that they were going as friends and that was it. I came back from my trip early only to find text messages where they had gotten very involved--even sexually. I moved back into the house after staying at a friends house for a few weeks and she has used this opportunity as a chance to drive up to see him all the time. She won't come home sometimes until 2 or 3 in the morning. I have caught her in numerous lies--even things that you would think she wouldn't have to lie about. One day she will act very lovey towards me and then the next day she will be so mad at me calling me worthless and pathetic and that it's my fault our marriage isn't working out. She has also acted out and bit me on the cheek, kicked me and pushed me. I have remained calm and never argue with her or question the things that she's been doing. I don't want to push her any further away. But, this has been tearing me up inside. On our 6 year anniversary we were getting ready for church and at the last minute she said she didn't want to go and ended up driving up to see her new guy and spent the day with him. She has totally neglected our bills. I just found out that we are months behind on credit card payments as well as our house payment. But the aspect that hurts the most is that she is neglecting our daughter and spends no time with her at all. It's like the only thing that's important to her is seeing this guy.

Any comments, questions or insight would be great


Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 10/30/2009 10:50 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry for the pain you are going through Joe. Its terrible. We don't know anything more than what you said here, but this kind of thing is miserable and no one should have to go through it.

Nothing you mentioned indicates why you think she might have BP. You might have reasons for believing it, but until she is diagnosed by a qualified psych you won't know for sure. BP is a very difficult thing to diagnose, and there are many disorders that have very similiar behaviors.

If she is unwilling to take this step, there is nothing that you can do. She has to be willing to see that her behavior is wrong, be truly contrite, adn try to do something about it.

As terrible as it might seem, this could simply be her deciding to be selfish and destructive and to violate everything that was said before God and friends in the marriage vows.

In my State, as long as you are married you can be held responsible for any debts the spouse runs up. You may want to protect yourself by filing for legal separation or divorce. Take control of your future.

The best thing you can do at this point is to take care of yourself and your child. Move on, because she has. If she sees you living your life and being successful without her, it might wake her up.

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 10/30/2009 11:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi jrarena,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board.

No one here is a doc, and only a doc can diagnose the illness, but what you've told us sounds like a woman having an affair -- not necessarily anything pointing to bp. The mood swings and secrecy could be bipolar, but it is far more likely they're not. Does your wife get depressed? Does she have manias? These are the keys to whether someone is bipolar. If you want some clues to what those things look like, check out the links in the "Bipolar Disorder Resources" thread. There's info there about what bipolar is and how to recognize it.

I'm terribly sorry you're going through this. Whether she's bipolar or not, no one deserves to be treated the way you're being treated. It sounds like your marriage was already having trouble when this started. I hope you can work it out, but get yourself a good lawyer and a therapist to talk it over with.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER

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