2 month episode, still going

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 11/1/2009 7:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone,
 
I'm sorry to always post when I'm down, honestly.  I have been deeply depressed for almost 2 months now.  We have increased my meds...once, now upping again with possibilty of going up again in two weeks if I am not better. (upping the Mirapex, my depression fighter; I am so sad that's it's not doing the job it was before...)
 
Yesterday I really hit rock bottom, not the first time in this episode.  We had to go out grocery shopping.  I don't have to explain to any of you that absolutely everything has been completely overwhelming for me.  I haven't been able to do anything for several weeks, days on end.  Anyway we went and on the way there I had a terrible panic attack and I didn't have my clonazepam with me, so I did some breathing and I don't know how I got through the store and home.  When I got home I asked bf to put the groceries away because I had to go lay down.  I went upstairs took a clonazepam and just laid on the bed and stared out the window terrified at how hopeless I was feeling.  I started crying into the pillow just feeling I couldn't deal with this any longer.  I was going to call crisis but I didn't.  I just drifted off for about 20 minutes and then got up and got supper ready.
 
My sister is coming to stay here with us for a day or two this week, I have been trying all weekend to get the house cleaned up.  I've been taking it as slow as I can; meantime doing endless laundry...It's too much.
 
The job is still extremely boring and pdoc is worried about this.  I know christina on this board suggested me taking a book to read on a past post (thanks christina...I do take one, with this depression it's hard to concentrate, but I do get some reading in)  Unfortunately there just isn't nearly enough to do, but I can't walk away from the hospital, it took so much to get there. 
 
I feel totally unable to get through this one.  I don't know how I can possibly do what I need to do.....
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 4mg/day, Mirapex .75 mg/day & Lamictal 350 mg/day


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/1/2009 7:06 PM (GMT -7)   
((((((Mogli)))))))

You post whenever you need to, that's just fine.

I'm so sorry the depression and anxiety have amped up. Don't stress yourself over the housework -- that only makes it worse. Do a very little bit at a time, don't wear yourself out, and be honest about what your sister will and won't notice. She's coming to see you, not your waxed kitchen floor. Do the toilet, take a break... etc. If you do a little bit at a time, it will help. Also, don't forget to delegate to the bf! I know I let my anxieties about housework build and build and forget that if I ask him, my husband is happy to do a little vacuuming. It's not that he minds housework, he just doesn't see the dirt the way I do. (I wish I could not see it!) So if I tell him the room needs dusting, he dusts. It's fine. Try that too.

I'm glad you're still seeing your pdoc. Keep us in the loop.

hugs,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 11/5/2009 4:18 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Mogli,

Just wanted to let you know that I read your post this morning and that I'm thinkin of you.

I really hope you're feeling somewhat better.

How is it going?

(((Hugs))) ~sukay~ blush


~sukay~
 Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
 
Leo Buscaglia


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 11/6/2009 5:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you both for your support.  Thanks for the advice about the housework Serafena; I did my best at following it. I am not feeling any better at all.  It's been a week at the increase.  I really don't know what I'm going to do.  It's definitely the job for the most part.
 
My sister and the kids left yesterday, I am relieved to have some quiet and rest.  I am dreading going to work in 10 mins; I better get going though....
 
Thanks again, I'll keep in touch.  I am reading HW at work...I was trying to be careful of my internet use, but I need the support too much right now.
 
Mogs
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 4mg/day, Mirapex .75 mg/day & Lamictal 350 mg/day


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/6/2009 7:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh, sad Mogli, I'm so sorry. Maybe its time to reevaluate the job. It's just unreasonable to be so unhappy with what you do so much of the time.

I hope your sister's visit went well. I love seeing family, but its so stressful for me. I have to really gear up for it and then really decompress afterwards. Be nice to yourself.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


unresolved
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 11/7/2009 10:39 PM (GMT -7)   
  Hi Mogli,
 I've just become a new member and I read your message. I might not have any sage
 advice for what you should do,but I certainly understand how you're feeling right now.
 I'm not depressed right now but I have been many times.  So I just thought  that
 knowing there are others who have been there and understand what you're going
 through might help a little.
                                                                              unresolved

_Christina
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 11/7/2009 11:36 PM (GMT -7)   
went through my own phase reciently. even my good days are teary lately. see psy tuesday. pretend hugs, ok? i'll hang in there if you will.
 Christina
Even though I do not understand where I am going on the path that God has laid out for me, I must submit to His plan and trust that He will take me where I need to be. 
 
Current medications:
Bipolar treatment-Lamictal, 200mg, Mood stabelizer, daily(main side effect: brain fog) Bipolar treatment-Cymbalta, 40mg, Antidepressant, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting, insominia) Anemia, Fatigue treatment- Iron supplement, 65mg, daily(main side effect: constipation) Insominia treatment- Ambien, 10mg, daily(main side effect: amnesia eppisodes between taking pill and falling asleep) Mania treatment- Alprazolam, .25mg, Very rarely(main side effect: fatigue, slowing of thoughts, depression of CNS, can't take ambien or vicodin when on it) RA treatment- Plaquenil, 400mg, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting) RA treatment- Methotrexate, 25mg, 1X weekly(main side effects: hair loss, stomach upset, mouth sores, sore muscles, fatigue, brain fog, compromised immune system, decreased Folic Acid absorption) GI upset treatment- Leucovorin Calcium, 10mg 1x weekly(main side effects: ?) Folic Acid defintioncy- Folic Acid, 1mg, daily(main side effects: ?) Multi-mineral Supplement (main side effects: constipation, GI upset) Constipation treatment- Docusate Sodium, 200mg, daily(main side effects:?) pain control- Motrin, 800mg, PRN Q6hours daily(main side effects: GI upset, decreased clotting) Pain Control- Vicodin, 5-500mg, PRN Q12hours 3-4 times weekly (main side effects: brain fog, fatigue)
 
 
 
 


unresolved
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 11/8/2009 12:54 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks and I'll try
Missiea

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 11/8/2009 7:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Unresolved~ Welcome to HW!  And thank you all for the support.  Needed the hugs Christina (((hugs))), thanks.  And it's a deal, I'll "hang in" :-) if you will.
 
As for this job of mine, I was talking to some secretaries who have been in the hospital for a long time (they do not know that I am bp, and won't) but they hope things will pick up for me but also acknowledged that once you're in the hospital you've got your foot in the door.  I absolutely cannot leave and give up this opportunity.  I am one month away from finishing my probationary period there and after that I could seek another job internally if one should match what I am looking for.  But that is the other thing; right now I am the secretary for psychiatrists and I want to stay in mental health.  It's a comfort to me knowing I am working for those who care about illnesses we all suffer from.  It's something that I have a strong belief in.  The bordem I am hoping will cease sooner than later....I just feel I have to hang in there for now.
 
Having said all that, I do know how this is affecting my health, and my pdoc is concerned.  I am going to do everything I can to get through this and keep my job.  Over the last few days, I have felt a little lift so maybe I am on my way out of this episode...
 
Today I have a family thing to go to at my Dad's.  I am gearing up....
 
I can't tell you how much it means to me to have your support in this.  I know you all know how I am feeling and please know that I am also there with all of you through your battles.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 4mg/day, Mirapex .75 mg/day & Lamictal 350 mg/day


unresolved
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 11/8/2009 10:37 AM (GMT -7)   
I think its wonderful that you are still able to work, I haven't been able to for a long
time. I hope you find that position you're looking for and that things get better.
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, December 07, 2016 5:37 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,734,003 posts in 301,165 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151301 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, BrisaMeadows.
259 Guest(s), 13 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Bui, wthj53, THE HAPPY TURTLE, Joan M, AngelsmamaDorseysdaughter, Smeadley, Hope4all, johndoss, Jay79, Bobby Mac, SharonZ, TiredOfIssues, straydog


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer