Hi everyone, I'm new to this board and honestly a little nervous about this whole thing. I really need some advice and obviously people around me don't understand what I'm going through so I need help from you guys. Here's my story:
I've been married for almost 5 years and my wife has been dealing with BP pretty much the whole time. When we first started dating she was caught shoplifting and was arrested, later she left me and spent the night at a guy's house that I never knew about until later. All these things happened prior to us even being married but we got pregnant and decided to stay together. I joined the Air Force and we soon got married. Everything was pretty good for a while and until she moved to Texas where my training school was located. She got into a fist fight with her roomate because her roomate was telling me that she wanted to leave me and hook back up with the guy she was with before me. I didn't find out until years later that everything that was said by this girl was in fact the truth.
Things again went on smoothly from there until we moved into our second place after leaving the first place we lived in. She began staying out all hours of the night and one night didn't even come home. I was so worried because she didn't answer her phone. about 2:30 or so in the morning a guy answered her phone and then abruptly hung up, she called back several minutes later, apologized saying that she fell asleep at a friends house, and quickly came home. At this point we were really close to getting seperated but decided to stick it out.
Throughout the years since then she has had multiple issues with guys, either constantly texting her or her going out all night partying. We even had an issue with a guy that I worked with who came on to her and thought that she was interested in him. There was also a time when she lied to me about going to a bachelorette party when in fact she went to a guy's party from her work.
It seems like at least once or twice a year we deal with the same issues over and over again, and she always denies everything or talks her way out of it. In the last two weeks however things really have gotten terrible. I found a sexy email that she had sent to a guy promising more sexy pictures if he would take her out on a date. This was the first time I really caught her red handed. I approached her about it and she spent the night at a friends that night. We worked through it and decided to work on it. however except less than a week later she went out with a guy from her work. She told me she was going to the movies with her friends but I checked her text messages and she had met up with him instead. She denied everything and again we decided to move on and put it behind us.
Later that same day that I discovered the text messages I decided to do a full scan of all her activities and checked her email, facebook, and myspace accounts. I quickly found what I was looking for. She sent a message to the same guy in question. The message sent chills down my spine. It was lyrics to a song that basically talked about how good he was in bed. When she got home I confronted her about it and she denied even talking to him. I made her pull up the website and show me what she had sent. When she got there she pretended to not know how to navigate the site and while she thought my back was turned she deleted the message. I screamed at her that she just deleted the message and she swore to me repeatedly that she had not. I told her that I saw it with my own eyes and she said that she did not delete a message. She stormed out and left for a few hours and came home. While she was gone she sent messages hinting a commiting suicide.
After this I had about enough of all her antics and told her I wanted to split up. I still love her and I told her she could stay in my house until she got help and started therapy. She passionately tells me that she loves me and wants to be with me but I just don't know anymore. The fact that she lied about something so trivial right to my face just shows that I can trust her at all....ever. I told her that she is free to do what she wants and that I will simply be her friend and help her through this. I was amazed to see how similiar our problem is in regards to other people with BP. We've been "seperated" for a week now and tonight she did something that really makes me wonder and pushed me to get on here for help.
She said she was going out to dinner with her friends and I even explained to her that she didn't need my permission and that to call if she was going to be super late so I wouldn't worry. She txt me around 8 saying that they were at the restaurant and I didn't hear back from her until 12 when she said that she wasn't coming home. She said that she would just spend the night with her friends even though she has to take our son to school and go to work. Obviously I told her that she could do what she wanted but I'm going nuts over this because I almost know for a fact that she isn't with her friends. I would bet almost anything she is with that guy from her work right now.
For the record, I really do love her and I feel that deep down inside she really does love me. Through some research I discovered that much of her cheating and lying can be caused by being in a manic state. The depression and sucide issues are while she is in her depressive state. I understand that she cannot make rational decisions and much of what has happened may not be her fault. But I just can't stand the lies and the infidelity. Its really beginning to worry me because its been less than a week since I told her that I wanted to take a break and she is already out partying to all hours of the night.
Is there any way that we can get past this? Is she too far gone for any of this to ever work? She says that I have issues with insecurity but honestly all my insecurity has developed as a result of her lies and infidelity. How can I make this work? I do love her dearly and want to help her but I don't know if I can deal with all her issues. She has never been medicated for longer than a month and has never gone to therapy. Can this help? Is there any way we might ever make this work?
Sorry for the lengthy post, I look forward to your comments and advice. Thanks.