Need Your Input

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/6/2009 9:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone:

First let me say that I do not mean the following question to reflect on ANYONE's particular posts or questions. It is a matter of course that this topic should come up, and I'd like to deal with it as neutrally and objectively as possible.

A topic has come up among the moderators that got me thinking, and I'm very curious about how to proceed. It was said to me that I might consider directing questions from spouses/partners/loved ones to a more appropriate board, and reserve use of this forum for people suffering from the disorder. The way I understood the suggestion was that people suffering with the disorder might be shamed or angered by posts from the significant others, and that part of our mission is to primarily help those living with medical conditions.

On the other hand, significant others live with the condition too, in their own way, and need support. They often need education, which other bipolars can certainly provide. And we've had a lot of good conversations with the family members of bipolar disordered people. Some of my favorite long-standing members are spouses/parents.

We are just about even in use between significant others and bipolar patients. Not having S.O. input would definitely change the tenor of the board. So here are my questions:

1. For the bipolars: Does the presence of family members on the board impact what you feel you can share and discuss? Would you feel more comfortable discussing your condition if you knew there were fewer spouses around? Lurkers: would you lurk less and participate more if there were fewer posts from partners?

2. For the spouses/loved ones: How does the board help you? Would you be equally served on another discussion board expressly for the loved ones of people with bipolar disorder?

You can respond to me on this thread, but if you do, please keep your responses respectful and kind. I would almost rather you email me, so you can be totally honest. I'm not judging anyone, merely collecting information. My email is available by clicking the blue envelope under my name on the left, or clicking on my name and finding it in my profile. I'll collect your comments for a week or so, run this by HealingWell's administrator, and let you know what seems to be the best way to proceed.

Thank you so much!
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


LostinLinden
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/6/2009 11:04 AM (GMT -7)   
I enjoy reading these posts becuase it helps me gain insight on what my wife is actaully going through. As a spouse, its important to be able to understand the illness and that something we can honestly never fully do. Speaking with others who have lived with it as well and who may have it is good for us because it lets us understand more than we could.

Also, this forum gives both sides of the situation and allows people to hear from people with and without BP. I know my wife may be upset with me if she looked at my recent post, then again she may feel that this is helping understand her problem more.

happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 11/6/2009 4:16 PM (GMT -7)   
 
  I have to say that it doesnt bother me to have S.O.'s on here. In a way it helps me to help others. And it definitely helps to read about what living with a BP person is like.  My wife knows i post to a forum but i dont say anything that would get her upset and i think she understands that it truly helps me with my issues.
   Hope this helps.  Bill   

sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 11/6/2009 5:35 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Serafena,

I would like for the forum to stay as a support group for those of us who suffer from bipolar disorder like the other forums are run.

I think it would be great if Healingwell started Support Group Forums for families living/caring for those with illnesses like bipolar and other illnesses as listed in the other forum index.

blush
~sukay~
 Bipolar - 2004
     Crohns disease - 1995 
Arthritis & Fibromyalgia 
 
Leo Buscaglia


chrisnsteph1022
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2003
Total Posts : 973
   Posted 11/7/2009 12:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Maybe I take things too personally, but every time I see another post about how horrible someone's spouse is treating them (and blaming it all on the disease), it makes ME feel like crap. I don't feel I act that way, but maybe I do? Maybe it's an eye-opener that I need? But it hasn't stopped me from posting.
Stephanie, 29, married for 10 wonderful years and mommy to two awesome toddlers
dx with Crohn's 4/2003, in remission from 11/2003 to 7/2009
omeprazole 40mg, zoloft 100mg, apriso 1500mg, dicyclomine 3/day
dx with bipolar II 8/2009, re-diagnosed with bipolar I 9/09
Apparently allergic to lamictal...waiting on next rx


mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 11/7/2009 1:22 PM (GMT -7)   

I am glad that this is being looked at.

I feel that spouse/partners so need to educate themselves on this illness.  I applaud those partners who seek support on this board.  It touches me.

Having said that, I feel loved ones of this illness should have their own board because I no longer feel this board is devoted to "us" ~ who suffer from being bipolar.  And there are times when I read posts from spouses and it does cut me down or make me feel less somehow.  Speaking for myself, I need unconditional bp support from those who truly understand.

If there was a separate board for loved ones of mental illness, I would support it %100, meaning I would read, post and support those on that board.  Then seek and give support here on this board for myself.


Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 4mg/day, Mirapex .75 mg/day & Lamictal 350 mg/day


ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 11/7/2009 5:28 PM (GMT -7)   
There is a war going on at dailystrength.org right now because there are two separate bipolar boards (BP, and Friends and Family of), and yet people cross over into either. The problem is that many people with bipolar on that site feel that no one else has the right to post on "their" board, and get upset when a SO (significant others) complains on the BP board about their own suffering due to the illness. On the F&F board, the community leader has BP and actively restricts conversations if he feels they are not supportive enough. It makes it hard for the SOs to be able to have a place to vent. It also makes it hard to actively seek support and advice in either avenue for non-suffers.

This site has some rules of conduct, and has been entirely more civil in the way things are handled.

One benefit to having only one board is that there is not the assumption that the board is elitist. The major problem is that some may feel that they cannot speak their mind without getting people angry or triggering someone. On both sides of the equation.

I think having a separate board is fine, but the rules of the board, the description of the board, etc. need to be very clear.

On the bp board, it should be clear that while non-bipolar suffers can read what's on the bp board, please do not post anything other than posts that are fully supportive of their SOs, or that are simply asking for information without denoting negativity.

On the friends and family board, bipolar suffers should only be allowed to read, but please don't post anything other than posts that are fully supportive of their SOs, or that are simply giving or asking for information without denoting negativity.

My one cent. turn

_Christina
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 11/7/2009 11:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I think we could all play together on one board.  It would be nice if there was a way to visually tell if a particular post was a BP+ post or a SO of a BP+.  I scan the SO posts and cut short the ones that are venting.  Some of them have been good because I modified my own behavior because I acted too much like the BP in question.  I just would like warning before I pull up a vent.  ( use an Icon or something?)

 Christina
Even though I do not understand where I am going on the path that God has laid out for me, I must submit to His plan and trust that He will take me where I need to be. 
 
Current medications:
Bipolar treatment-Lamictal, 200mg, Mood stabelizer, daily(main side effect: brain fog) Bipolar treatment-Cymbalta, 40mg, Antidepressant, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting, insominia) Anemia, Fatigue treatment- Iron supplement, 65mg, daily(main side effect: constipation) Insominia treatment- Ambien, 10mg, daily(main side effect: amnesia eppisodes between taking pill and falling asleep) Mania treatment- Alprazolam, .25mg, Very rarely(main side effect: fatigue, slowing of thoughts, depression of CNS, can't take ambien or vicodin when on it) RA treatment- Plaquenil, 400mg, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting) RA treatment- Methotrexate, 25mg, 1X weekly(main side effects: hair loss, stomach upset, mouth sores, sore muscles, fatigue, brain fog, compromised immune system, decreased Folic Acid absorption) GI upset treatment- Leucovorin Calcium, 10mg 1x weekly(main side effects: ?) Folic Acid defintioncy- Folic Acid, 1mg, daily(main side effects: ?) Multi-mineral Supplement (main side effects: constipation, GI upset) Constipation treatment- Docusate Sodium, 200mg, daily(main side effects:?) pain control- Motrin, 800mg, PRN Q6hours daily(main side effects: GI upset, decreased clotting) Pain Control- Vicodin, 5-500mg, PRN Q12hours 3-4 times weekly (main side effects: brain fog, fatigue)
 
 
 
 


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/8/2009 2:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Excellent,

Thanks for the feedback everyone. Keep it coming!

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


exhaustedwife
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 11/10/2009 4:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Spouse here and new to the board.

I've only posted a few times when I had a question or felt like I had something to contribute but I read here almost daily. I've been dealing with a bipolar 2 husband for years out there in no man's land on my own and completely confused for years. Last year we found out that he is bipolar but he remains untreated. I am still largely in no man's land and still a bit confused. I only found this board recently, posted my first time reading it.

As long as my husband remains untreated I will remain very much alone in this. I have already gleaned a bit of insight and hope to learn much more about this thing that has taken over our lives. While I understand the need for those who have bipolar to have a 'safe' place to go, I beg of you to not take this away from those of us who are also living with bipolar through our loved ones.

I don't know how these forums are set up but I am familiar with Delphi. Delphi allows for private 'folders' in an open forum. That would allow each group to have their own folders when needed and still keep the rest of the forum public. Does this site have that option?

I do thank you for having this forum available.

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/10/2009 4:27 PM (GMT -7)   
bump
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/12/2009 7:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Anyone else have any opinions?
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 11/13/2009 2:47 PM (GMT -7)   

I can see both sides of this issue.  Personally, a little torn.  Really does not bother me either way.  For me, it is a toss up.  The forum is my personal playground as far as my spouse is concerned, he has not graduated up to the level of wanting to be actively educated.  Probably no help here, but some very good questions and responses.

Gem (Grumpy, Grumpy Gem eyes )


red lightening
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 11/13/2009 5:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I think we should each have our own group.

It's kind of like the difference between Alcoholics Anonymous
and Al-Anon. They have separate issues and separate meetings.

The DBSA meetings in town are the same...one for Bipolars and one
for friends and family. They each have their own meeting room.

flooz
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 11/14/2009 6:08 PM (GMT -7)   
I came here looking for answers from people with bipolar, as well as people living with someone who has it.
I want to know someone with bipolars side of things, that can kind of, explain it.. i guess. From a personal stance. Not a book or website with facts, etc. That way I can understand why they are that way, as well as how to handle it, the way that is best for someone with bipolar. I apologize if I personally said anything to tear someone down with BP, We've come to find out a lot of his problems, are mix of quite a few horrible things.. and not just bipolar. But I did not want anyone to feel down about it. Obviously you are all here trying to have support and someplace to get help, and if you guys would like your own board, more power to you. This is the only place I really could find while at work and most things are blocked, that had anything like this for BP SO's.
The support from specifically SO's is good as well. Knowing how they cope with it. How they handle it from their side is also good.

Either way, I think its kind of a.. it could go either way thing for me. I understand people with BP to want their own place to vent, and I also understand us SO's to want help from those with BP and to understand it more from actual people going through what our significant others are actually going through.

BPWife
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 11/16/2009 10:26 AM (GMT -7)   
I am the wife of someone who suffers from BP and I have always tried to put that in one of my first few sentences so who ever is reading my post knows 100% where I am coming from. Like one of the posters above, I came to this forum to gain more education on this condition from those who also suffer from it and those who have loved ones who suffer from it. And because of this site, I feel I am able to give my husband more of the support and patience he needs from me. So, thank you once again for this amazing site!

However, I can also see both sides to this argument. But honestly, my first reaction is that NO ONE should be on here unless you are being 150% supportive or asking for some advice. I firmly believe that if you can't be supportive, then don't post.

I do like the idea of having an icon to differentiate those who have the condition and those who are the spouses/families/loved ones.

In a nutshell, I'm all for doing whatever helps everyone! Isn't that what we are truly here for?

BPWife

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/16/2009 1:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you to everyone who responded. I appreciate everyone's input.

I just want to direct the group's attention to this post where I explain the outcome of this question.

If anyone has any further questions or comments, please feel free to email me.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 11/23/2009 11:15 AM (GMT -7)   
BPWife said...
I am the wife of someone who suffers from BP and I have always tried to put that in one of my first few sentences so who ever is reading my post knows 100% where I am coming from. Like one of the posters above, I came to this forum to gain more education on this condition from those who also suffer from it and those who have loved ones who suffer from it. And because of this site, I feel I am able to give my husband more of the support and patience he needs from me. So, thank you once again for this amazing site!

However, I can also see both sides to this argument. But honestly, my first reaction is that NO ONE should be on here unless you are being 150% supportive or asking for some advice. I firmly believe that if you can't be supportive, then don't post.

I do like the idea of having an icon to differentiate those who have the condition and those who are the spouses/families/loved ones.

In a nutshell, I'm all for doing whatever helps everyone! Isn't that what we are truly here for?

BPWife
 
confused  
 
a little late in coming, but i've been absent from the board for a while!
i know that i myself have ranted at times out of frustration, and i sincerely apologize if i've offended anyone.  i agree with bp wife. 

Life is either a daring adventure... or nothing
-Helen Keller


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/23/2009 4:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you, BD_Spouse.

It's been lovely having you. I do think there's a danger of throwing the baby out with the bathwater, here, so to speak. I hope you agree with our new focus and we're happy to hear what you have to say.

Thanks!
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


Taba
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 11/26/2009 2:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Serafena I would love if there could be a group for people like my husband, in my country there isn't much culture about bp, so he doesnt get it, eventhough he tries. I'm exhausted and i know he's too. Having someone related to this would really comfort him, and help our relationship. Thank you.
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, December 10, 2016 3:39 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,736,059 posts in 301,351 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151448 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Twingirldc.
270 Guest(s), 6 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Nick_69, astroman, summer16, Girlie, mpost, WORLD HEALING


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer