It's the mania that caused all of these problems.

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/13/2009 2:53 AM (GMT -6)   

I am new to this board, and I would like to share my story with you hoping that some of my questions can be answered.

My fiance and I have been together for three years, living together at her place for a year and a half. She has had a depressive episode in 2007, but never was diagnosed as bipolar.

She went into a manic state this year in June, it got worse over time until she developed psychotic and paranoid symptoms in August, she was then taken to the hospital by the police because she had broken into someone's apartment.

Shortly before that she had broken up with me, telling me that she didn't love me any more, only days after she had told me that she wanted to marry me and that I was the best man in the world. We were deeply in love for three years since the day we had met. Now all of a sudden it was "gone". She had a new boyfriend two days later and told everyone around that he was the most wonderful person she had ever met, and that she loved him more than anyone else.

She has now been in hospital for six weeks, I haven't seen her or spoken to her for ten days because she keeps blaming me and insulting me and accusing me of having ruined her life whenever she sees me. Whenever they let her out of the hospital for a couple hours she sees her new boyfriend who doesn't seem to care much about her but takes the opportunity to have sex with her.

When I last saw her she didn't seem as "manic" as she was before, the psychotic symptoms were gone, she almost appeared normal, except for the fact that she still hates me and puts the blame on me for everything, not seeing what she has done to me in the past. We both made our mistakes, especially in the phase of mania we had gone through, but she only sees what I did wrong and not what she had contributed to it. She had slept with another guy, then I got mad at her and wanted her to take off her engagement ring, now she only sees the part that I "have broken her heart because I wanted her to take off the ring".

Sorry for keeping this short, I omitted most of the story in order to keep this post readable. But I think most of you know what an extreme manic episode looks like, and she went through all of it - excessive spending, little sleep, talking for hours, promiscuity, new friends, drugs, she has done it all.

My question now is, as she has returned to an almost normal state, wants to get a new job, buy a car, clean up her apartment, maybe go back to school and has all these reasonable plans, could it be that the manic phase is over and she will just stay like this for the rest of her life, never giving me the chance to get an explanation for why she suddenly left me and started blaming me?
I can't see how I could have ruined her life, I love her since I first saw her, and I never did anything bad to her.

All I am hoping for is that one day we can sit together and talk it over like normal adult people. If she really doesn't love me any more there's not much to be done about it, but i am clearly not responsible for the fact that she is now deeply in debt and has no job, no car, no money etc. - it's the mania that caused all of these problems.

I'm sort of helpless. I have decided not to contact her any more because every time she sees me she gets mad at me and starts hurting me with things that are untrue. What can I do? Any experiences or suggestions are greatly appreciated.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 11/13/2009 4:01 AM (GMT -6)   
I don't feel qualified to respond- but I wanted to welcome you to the site and express my hope that things will get better and that someone will have a good thing to say.
Even though I do not understand where I am going on the path that God has laid out for me, I must submit to His plan and trust that He will take me where I need to be. 
Current medications:
Bipolar treatment-Lamictal, 200mg, Mood stabelizer, daily(main side effect: brain fog) Bipolar treatment-Cymbalta, 40mg, Antidepressant, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting, insominia) Anemia, Fatigue treatment- Iron supplement, 65mg, daily(main side effect: constipation) Insominia treatment- Ambien, 10mg, daily(main side effect: amnesia eppisodes between taking pill and falling asleep) Mania treatment- Alprazolam, .25mg, Very rarely(main side effect: fatigue, slowing of thoughts, depression of CNS, can't take ambien or vicodin when on it) RA treatment- Plaquenil, 400mg, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting) RA treatment- Methotrexate, 25mg, 1X weekly(main side effects: hair loss, stomach upset, mouth sores, sore muscles, fatigue, brain fog, compromised immune system, decreased Folic Acid absorption) GI upset treatment- Leucovorin Calcium, 10mg 1x weekly(main side effects: ?) Folic Acid defintioncy- Folic Acid, 1mg, daily(main side effects: ?) Multi-mineral Supplement (main side effects: constipation, GI upset) Constipation treatment- Docusate Sodium, 200mg, daily(main side effects:?) pain control- Motrin, 800mg, PRN Q6hours daily(main side effects: GI upset, decreased clotting) Pain Control- Vicodin, 5-500mg, PRN Q12hours 3-4 times weekly (main side effects: brain fog, fatigue)

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/13/2009 8:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi mr. anderson,

Welcome to HealingWell and the bipolar board.

I think you will do yourself a favor by letting her take the next step. While her breakup may have been motivated by her mania, she seems convinced that it was for the best. There's not much you can do about that, and I'd let her come to her own conclusions. If you continue to pursue it, even though she's been clear about her wishes, she will only get more angry. It's not fair, but in this circumstance it's time to think of your own happiness. You may want to look into therapy for yourself to help you get beyond this episode.

Allow me to refer you to the Bipolar Resources Thread, which lists some resources for significant others of bipolars. You may find some comfort and/or ideas by looking at them.

Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER

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