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Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 8
Posted 11/15/2009 12:14 PM (GMT -6)
I haven't been on in a while but I am having an extreamly difficult day. The last week has been horrible and I'm not sure what to do. I felt that I was starting to feel better, but now I'm feeling worse.
Not because I'm so sad and overwhelmed that I can't take it which is usually what it feels like when I think of it. Its more like a feeling that its the best thing to do, more of a determination. I haven't done anything but I constantly feel like I should. It's very different then I'm used to feeling. I've suffered with sever depression on numerous occasions but it didn't feel like this. Has anyone else ever felt this way? What should I do? I don't have anyone I feel comfortable talking about
it with, I feel like I have burdened my friends too much already. Its Sunday so my doc isn't in and I know that I wouldn't be honest with him anyway, I never am. I only tell him bits and pieces, and I know thats a bad thing but I can't bring myself to tell anyone everything. I tell different people different things but never all of it to one person. I don't know what to do, but I do know that I feel like I should really get going and go through with it. I'm not sure that I would but I know that I have more than enough drugs in the house to do it. Help.
(Sorry I had to edit, Pippen. See Rule #1. -- Serafena)
Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 11/15/2009 12:30:56 PM (GMT-7)
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
Posted 11/15/2009 1:34 PM (GMT -6)
I most definitely have been there. I have felt exactly like that -- like it's an inevitability. But it's not. That's the depression talking. It's not real. You should think about
calling a crisis line. Here are the numbers and links:
National Suicide Hotline
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.
Helpful Web Sites:
Suicide Hotlines (listed by state)
Suicidal.com (includes Suicide Crisis Center and Depression and Suicide)
I know it's hard to
open up to others about
this, but that's the only real way through it. Your own mind will talk yourself in circles. You really need to talk it through with other people (a doctor, a therapist, a significant other) who can help you see clearly. It's important you're honest with your doc so you can get the proper treatment. If you don't feel like you can talk to your doctor, is it because you don't trust him/her? Do you need to find a new doctor?
Keep writing and we'll talk you through this. You'll be okay. We both will. I'm suffering a lot right now too, so we can help one another.
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER
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Date Joined Apr 2003
Total Posts : 973
Posted 11/16/2009 12:39 PM (GMT -6)
When I had that same problem, I asked my husband to get all the narcotics and hide them. It was hard to ask him to do that, but it was also a way of letting him know what was going through my mind without actually saying it. Luckily, it passed and I don't have that urge now. I hope it passes quickly for you as well.
Stephanie, 29, married for 10 wonderful years and mommy to two awesome toddlers
dx with Crohn's 4/2003, in remission from 11/2003 to 7/2009
omeprazole 40mg, zoloft 100mg, apriso 1500mg, dicyclomine 3/day
dx with bipolar II 8/2009, re-diagnosed with bipolar I 9/09
Apparently allergic to lamictal...waiting on next rx
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Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 76
Posted 11/16/2009 1:08 PM (GMT -6)
Call a crisis help line. They are a faceless person you can talk to and tell everything to, and you will never have to see them face to face.
Call a friend, or a family member and ask them to remove everything dangerous, or just to sit with you for a while. Talk a little or alot.
Please, don;t give up. Each day brings new things.
I've been going through an extreme manic weekend, unmedicated, and I'm so close to picking up a bottle of booze or something worse, but I'm talking on here, keeping myself occupied and useing friends to get through. Even if I don't tell one person everything, I'm getting it all out in bits and pieces to different people.
not trusting your doc, you need to find a doc you do trust enough to talk to completely, or a therapist you can unload onto.
Sometimes when I feel like it's not worth going on, I just need to vent it all out to someone and it makes me feel just better enough to keep going to the next day.
Please though, call someone, and talk to them before you make any final decisions.
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