I am also very manic, only suffering depression when it gets dark out in nov-mar. But i manage to keep my jobs because i had the luck of finding two jobs that really keep me interested. I'm a full time firefighter who had the flexability on shift to do different jobs as the sprit moves me. My other job is as a Loss Prevention Dectitive for Sears. I'm at one of the busiest stores in the company in regards to catching bad guys so every day is something new. Again my job allows me a lot of leeway as to what i do and when i do it. So that flexability really helps keep me interested.
I did work for a while at a repetitive job but that was a disaster for me. My mind was allways racing.
I do need to be reminded that I have to put myself first sometimes. After being a mother, wife and looking after two elderly parents for so long, I just kind of moved myself to the bottom of the list. I know now (children almost grown, parents deceased) that it is very important, especially now that I have gotten a crystal clear diagnosis, to take care of me. I must admit I have not had a great run the last couple of weeks with med and I am partially to blame. No, I am totally to blame. I do not know what my mental block about meds is, but as soon as I feel better, or the slightest discomfort arises, I stop taking them. Back on now, but not feeling well at all and I am ready to run from this building screaming. I cannot tell you how many times I have driven half way to the ER dept at the nearby hospital at lunch, suicide thoughts, chest pains, shortness of breath...........etc. I have PDoc appt Friday and am looking forward to it. I hope he shares my feelings about life changes as well.
Hey Precious Gem, i'm on respreridone (probally not the right spelling) LOL LOL I was on abilify which helped a little, when my doc prescribed the respreidone it was like someone turning on a light switch in a dark room. I suddenly had the ability to see the world like a normal person. It really calmed my racing mind and sexual/spending/dangerous urges. Now i said calmed, they never really go away and on some days they are louder than others. that said i have found more days of peace this last year than i have ever had before. ANd all those days of calm help give me the rest and strenght to fight the days when they are louder, which thankfully isnt many.
Hope this helps.
Yes Bill, it did help and thank you for sharing with me. I feel like I am still in that dark room feeling all over the walls for the switch! I will find it!
I'm always open to the idea of going back to work, especially part-time at the beginning.
What scares me the most is that sometimes I feel so "right-on" and on top of everything, focusing and feeling like I have my sh-t together. Then the next day my mind is all over the place and I can't follow anything! I hate that. I try to handle things over the phone and I sound like I don't even know what the heck I am talking about because I can't even follow my own thought pattern! The worst is when your dealing with someone face to face trying to explain something!
I can't imagine having a job and going to work like that...able to function one day and not the next!
I had to laugh. The other day I was in a Hallmark store w/my daughter. A older lady cashier was like....hmmm, what should I do?...Oh, I'll ring you up. Then in the middle of ringing us up she stopped to start wrapping up some of our items. Then the phone rang. Then after that she lost track of what she was doing and asked us what she needed to do next. There was 1 other lady in the store but she was busy. Thankfully the store wasn't busy at the time!
I had to laugh, but it was very sad too. I told my daughter that if I had a job, that would be ME! I could totally relate to how this woman felt.
Still hoping for better days.
Good luck on your appointment today Precious Gem. Let us know how it goes.
That describes me exactly, one day on top of the game, the next can not link thoughts or actions together if I tried extra hard. This is what is so frustrating to me now. I have got to follow a different path to help myself get as well as I can be or something bad is coming my way, I can feel it. So I am taking one step at a time to get myself to a good place.
I have BPII. My PSY says there is no way that I should even try to get a job. I can barly survive keeping my home functioning. The stress of insufficient income is almost as bad as working, though. Food banks, collection calls, public assistance, and worrying about making ends meet so we can pay for all the things like Dr visits and meds and children's needs and such. I have applied for SSDI, but BP is an invisible disability and the lawyer says that it could be 2 years before we get a favorable decision.
I am constantly asked why I don't work- but even the thought of trying to get a job is terrifying. I know that I would not hire me, so I don't expect anyone else to.