Preparing to leave a BP spouse

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anomity
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/21/2009 9:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello,

I am trying so hard to help support him in getting back on meds and doing some couples counseling. I can not stay anymore. The physical and emotional abuse is beyond recovering from at least where the relationship is concerned. I just everyones needs met in the process.

The worst of the physical abuse stopped when I got another friend to witness it. Now that he knows I am serious about leaving he has not touched me or cornered me in about a month or so.

We have a daughter, and I worry about her. I also have two sons that are not learning from a good role model. We own a business together and so he is in the public eye.

It has been crippling for me to not have support- afraid to cripple his reputation and the business. My best friends know the ugly details.

He has been doing odd things like throwing away some of my best clothes. Hiding nail clippers and my tweezers. Accidentally taking my keys.

He has had 3 car accidents in the last year. One non paid ticket is about to become a warrant. I am not bailing him out.

I still have nightmares even though the worst violence has stopped. When he is gone I feel calm and clear.

Last week I actually got him to commit to trying to sleep at least 4hrs a day. It was so hard! Now I am afraid he will stop eating much.

My therapists says even if I could trust him again, even if he stays on meds and therapy- a lot of the problems are not just the bipolar.

Like lying all the time, and the trying to cage me kind of behavior.

As I am working more and becoming more independent and successful again- He is getting rapid in his cycles and resentful.

I am also working on expanding my support structure and circle of friends- I am encouraging him to do the same. I even stopped shaving in hopes that he would feel confident I am not leaving him because there is an affair or someone else. (Not stopping grooming- just not shaving my legs- tmi) He is equally paranoid about me being with women as men.

I need advice from others.

Thanks!

ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 11/21/2009 11:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi anomity,

Sorry for what you are going through, I am the spouse of a bipolar sufferer as well.

The focus of this board is specifically about providing support for bipolar suffers.

Because of the board's focus, you might be better off directing your questions to a board specifically focused on the needs of friends and family. While healingwell does not have one of those, you can find resources for the significant others of people suffering from bipolar disorder by reading the last entry in this thread: http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=13&m=350839 (the entry dated 11/03/09)

Besides the sites in that thread, there is also a thriving Family and Friends board on mdjunction.

Take care.

Post Edited (ImDealing) : 11/21/2009 11:54:35 PM (GMT-7)


ImDealing
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 11/21/2009 11:09 PM (GMT -7)   
(Serafena: I was trying to help both anomity as well as the regulars on this site. I have received a lot of value from this board, and am trying to give back when I can. I think I wrote a balanced and informative reply. If you felt that my reply was well written and diplomatic, feel free to use it or a variation of it when other possible trigger posts by SOs happen. If you felt it was bad for whatever reason, please delete it so I don't cause offense.)

_Christina
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 553
   Posted 11/21/2009 11:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Good Job ImDealing- I thought your response was great. I checked out the topic just to see what kind of redirection was going to happen. ( I did learn that lack of appitite is an issue- I will mention it elsewhere)
 Christina
Even though I do not understand where I am going on the path that God has laid out for me, I must submit to His plan and trust that He will take me where I need to be. 
 
Current medications:
Bipolar treatment-Lamictal, 200mg, Mood stabelizer, daily(main side effect: brain fog) Bipolar treatment-Cymbalta, 40mg, Antidepressant, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting, insominia) Anemia, Fatigue treatment- Iron supplement, 65mg, daily(main side effect: constipation) Insominia treatment- Ambien, 10mg, daily(main side effect: amnesia eppisodes between taking pill and falling asleep) Mania treatment- Alprazolam, .25mg, Very rarely(main side effect: fatigue, slowing of thoughts, depression of CNS, can't take ambien or vicodin when on it) RA treatment- Plaquenil, 400mg, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting) RA treatment- Methotrexate, 25mg, 1X weekly(main side effects: hair loss, stomach upset, mouth sores, sore muscles, fatigue, brain fog, compromised immune system, decreased Folic Acid absorption) GI upset treatment- Leucovorin Calcium, 10mg 1x weekly(main side effects: ?) Folic Acid defintioncy- Folic Acid, 1mg, daily(main side effects: ?) Multi-mineral Supplement (main side effects: constipation, GI upset) Constipation treatment- Docusate Sodium, 200mg, daily(main side effects:?) pain control- Motrin, 800mg, PRN Q6hours daily(main side effects: GI upset, decreased clotting) Pain Control- Vicodin, 5-500mg, PRN Q12hours 3-4 times weekly (main side effects: brain fog, fatigue)
 
 
 
 


sukay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 1432
   Posted 11/22/2009 6:46 AM (GMT -7)   
ImDealing,
 
Thanks for redirecting that post.  Thank you too for your understanding regarding this matter.  It means a lot.
 

anomity
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/22/2009 11:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks,

I would like advice on the best way to support his health and the process of separation from his point of view.

If I can do that- his calmer demeanor is a pay off for me too.

I want to continue to be a part of his support structure.

Any tips are helpful. If this is still not appropriate then I still appreciate the effort.

I apologize for not catching something in the guidelines.

I wish you all the best,

Anomity

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/22/2009 7:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi anomity,

ImDealing is right -- we've shifted the focus of this board to deal exclusively with the concerns of those living with bipolar disorder. (This is not noted in the guidelines, so you didn't miss anything.) I completely appreciate that you want to be a part of his support structure and would like some feedback. I think some of the Family and Friends boards could be useful to you. If you click on the "Bipolar Disorder Resources" Thread and page down, you will find a list of useful info for family and friends. It's good you've already sought out therapy. That would be my number one recommendation: you need support too.

Good luck and be well,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/22/2009 7:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks ImDealing!
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER

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