I'm BP2, and previously thought that I never get manic. I only ever recognized the depression. I thought that when I wasn't depressed that that is what "real life" felt like. I have so much to learn.
For the last several weeks I have been going through a lot of stress due to insufficient income. (Collection calls, food banks, public services, etc) I went through several days (more like a week or so) of RAGE. The type that is kind of like bad PMS but it didn't happen at that time of the month and took too long, and it was maybe even worse than that because I never get PMS like that.
After that I got into a depression that was so bad that when I went grocery shopping and the lady said "hi how are you?" I started to cry at her. I couldn't concentrate on conversations- especially on the phone- and really shouldn't have been driving because I would randomly turn for no good reason. I would forget to stop, or wait for a stop sign to turn green- it was really bad. I considered for several days simply showing up at the ER because I did not want to hurt myself, but was getting to where I was talking myself out of thinking about it.
Then I began to worry. It was all about $$$, and there really was (is) a problem, but it felt like it was just turning and turning in my mind, but I couldn't make any sense about it and I couldn't let it go. The only solution I could come up with was that I should be well enough to go get a job again, but I am not well enough and so then I would feel guilty because I could not do what I not able to do. (do you get it?)
that time I went to see my PSY and she suggested that I was in what she called a "mixed mania" and suggested that I take alprazolam to slow the "gerbil wheel" in my head when it gets where I can't stop it on my own. I took it a couple of times and it slowed down the dialogue that I have in my head all the time.
(I am not crazy. It is where you think about what you are going to say before you say it or tell yourself stuff or comment about what is going on. My husband says that he doesn't have that all the time. Mine never stops. Ever.)
I actually had pauses between thoughts while I was on it. I never had that before. It was restful. After a couple doses of that I felt ready to take on life without it again.
a week ago I had the worst migraine of my entire life. I spent 2 days with ear plugs in, a blindfold on, and pain meds in my system. I was nauseous and couldn't eat. I drifted in and out of sleep for 3 days straight.
I have not had an appetite since. The thought of food makes my stomach turn. I can make meals for my kids easily enough, but if I have to eat it- I can't. I did not sleep Thursday night despite taking my sleeping meds at all. After getting the kids on the bus I took a 3 hour nap, but was up and moving again by noon. Friday night I still couldn't sleep (yes, I took my meds) till I took more alprazolam (anti anxiety) with the ambien that I already had in my system. Then I slept for about
6 hours. Tonight it is 1:30, I am not ready to sleep.
I think (especially after writing this out) that I am in a bit of a manic. What does it sound like to you and what would you do to get out of it (or at least deal with it)? How do I control it, and is this something like what others have seen? Is there anything else I could look for that might be connected with the symptoms that I recognize- but don't even know to look for?
Sorry for being really long- but just typing it out has helped me sort through the process. Have you seen this before? Have you BEEN THIS before?
(WOW after hitting spell-check I really can't spell easy words today. Even ones I should know. That brings up another thing. I can't seem to do math lately either. Simple math that my 3rd grader is bringing home- or to figure out cost- I can't do it in my head. It's embarrising. Is that a bipolar thing? Is it a med thing?)
Even though I do not understand where I am going on the path that God has laid out for me, I must submit to His plan and trust that He will take me where I need to be.
Bipolar treatment-Lamictal, 200mg, Mood stabelizer, daily(main side effect: brain fog) Bipolar treatment-Cymbalta, 40mg, Antidepressant, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting, insominia) Anemia, Fatigue treatment- Iron supplement, 65mg, daily(main side effect: constipation) Insominia treatment- Ambien, 10mg, daily(main side effect: amnesia eppisodes between taking pill and falling asleep) Mania treatment- Alprazolam, .25mg, Very rarely(main side effect: fatigue, slowing of thoughts, depression of CNS, can't take ambien or vicodin when on it) RA treatment- Plaquenil, 400mg, daily(main side effect: GI upset, decreased clotting) RA treatment- Methotrexate, 25mg, 1X weekly(main side effects: hair loss, stomach upset, mouth sores, sore muscles, fatigue, brain fog, compromised immune system, decreased Folic Acid absorption) GI upset treatment- Leucovorin Calcium, 10mg 1x weekly(main side effects: ?) Folic Acid defintioncy- Folic Acid, 1mg, daily(main side effects: ?) Multi-mineral Supplement (main side effects: constipation, GI upset) Constipation treatment- Docusate Sodium, 200mg, daily(main side effects:?) pain control- Motrin, 800mg, PRN Q6hours daily(main side effects: GI upset, decreased clotting) Pain Control- Vicodin, 5-500mg, PRN Q12hours 3-4 times weekly (main side effects: brain fog, fatigue)