question for people w BP about verbal abuse

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mirame
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/23/2009 3:38 PM (GMT -7)   
this is a question for those with BP. i was in a relationship with a girl with BP for 3 years. she could say the most awful things to me, most of the time just minor mean remarks but at times truly cruel, awful things. it hurt me tremendously. she was on lithium the whole time and was somewhat stabil. the things she said still hurts me. And I can't seem to realise how she could be so mean. i never replied with a mean remark, i never fought back. i just tried to calm her and understand her. it worked. but after three years i had no self esteem left, i felt worthless, and i had no choice but to save myself and leave her. she seems to be in complete denial that she has done anything to hurt me, and blames ME for treating her badly.

my question for you is:

do you remember the mean things you say when you are irritated or mad?
do you truly mean those things?
do you realise how much it hurts the other person?

serafena
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 11/23/2009 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mirame,

Thank you for joining the board. However, this is a board for supporting those suffering with bipolar, not for aggressive questions pigeonholing us all as "mean". Not all bps act that way.

Let me direct you to the following websites which may be more appropriate for your needs:


Help For Surviving Your Spouse's Mental Illness

Bipolar Significant Others

The Bipolar Spouse

There is also a forum for significant others in NAMI's Online Communities

And one for family and friends at Pendulum.org

And the Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group at Daily Strength.

Good luck,
serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


mirame
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/24/2009 11:17 AM (GMT -7)   
i am sorry. i didn't mean it that way at all. of course everyone doesn't say mean things. and i don't even think that SHE is mean, or meant to mean. i don't dislike her, i don't dislike BPs. i am trying to understand. i am trying to understand her.

i know from being with her for 3 years that life as BP is really tough. i want to understand her point of view. i have a thousand questions for her, but i can't speak to her.

if there's any bipolar person reading this that has been called mean by someone. what was your point of view? how did you experience the situation that lead up to someone calling you mean?

Taba
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 11/26/2009 2:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi mirame, te miro, and I'm bipolar 2 , i have never got really mean in the way you said. But a month ago I visited my parents and my sister that is bipolar 1 knew i was there because i was flying low, I'm pregnant and havent had a blast, i had to leave most of my bp meds....anyway. She did say awful thing to me, and I was like trying to understand that eventhough we have the same disease we are different people. And deeply inside I know i love my sister, actualy today she wrote me an email saying eventhough she couldn't understand me she loved me. I cried, because i really though she hated me or something because she is in a paranoid phase and i just walked by in that moment, so she started sendind agressive thing on email after she made me cried and laugh after that.

My point is, Im bipolar too, and i dont understand her, i just can't but i love her. Because she's my sister. If you can't handle what your gf says or the way it affects you, maybe you are not ready for a relationship with her, and thet's ok, you shouldn'y feel guilty, you are free and you can make your choices. But if you do leave her stop trying to understand move on. If you stay go to a supporting group and beneath all love her, forgive, forget, and love her more.

Taba
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