Hi, my name is exhausted and dangerous! Sorry, just could not pass that one up Serafena. Welcome to my world and yes there are different levels of mania and yes hypomania feels so good but you either crash and burn or keep soaring up and up until you crash and burn really hard. I know this sounds crazy but I am having a difficult time adjusting to more balanced moods. It is like I am trying a different life on for size and with no experience, I don't know if I like it or not.........I mean I do but everything seems.....flat, that is the only way I can describe it, flat. Does that make sense to anyone? should I be feeling this way, is this normal on mood stabilizing meds? I don't know because despite the fact I have been on almost all of them, I was never on any long enough to experience this. Weird question, I know.
Good Day to all..........
You know Precious Gem, you bring up exactly the way i feel about this. Flat, boring, listless, uninteresting, the words could keep coming. I just feel so BLAHH, like life has lost its color. I have been sitting here all day trying to decide if i want to adjust my meds so i can feel "alive" again. I want to create, i want my old energy back again. Geeze this sucks. Thanks for listening.
Bill, I just started a new thread about that. Life does seem boring, colorless, no excitement about anything. Is this how we are suppose to feel? I realize we have an illness, but is there something else you can throw into the cocktail to make you happy, sometimes, just a little? Without totally having to fake it? I am not a good faker, the emotion I am wearing on my sleeve or face is just what it is...........Does that ring true for you?
Yes it does. This was my worst year for riding a bicycle, or creating anything with my hands, and very little in the way of fun in bed . LOL LOL LOL My wife tells me that i have been a better father and husband this last year than in the previous 9 years combined. And i have to say that that has a lot of value for me. But i really miss that drive that was with in me and the abilty to do things that i found fun.
And being honest with myself i was a high functioning BiPolar, i held down two almost full time jobs and rode like a demon and still had energy to come home and be a husband (if you know what i mean) After doing a year on the "program" i am just exploring if "normalicy" is right for me. I'm just conflicted, i want to be the man my wife wants me to be, at the same time i want to be the man i really am. I feel in my soul that there is an upside to this disease, that it isnt all doom and gloom and meds the rest of my life. That upside for me was a feeling of happiness, a natural high that each day was special, that each experience was a step in my spritual progression.
Ok, i'm starting to get on my own darn nerves . Sometime you just ahve to vent, know what i mean?
Thanks for listening.