Ok maniacs, have you noticed that you have different levels of mania?

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happy bill
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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted 12/5/2009 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   
 
   After talking to my Pdoc i realized that she has no idea what its like to live in a mania. Kinda like i have no idea what its like to wake up with a hang over (i don't drink, ever)
  One thing i have noticed is that i seem to get "mini" manias that i actually have some control over. I don't have any of the sexual/spending issues that a full blown mania would have just a HUGE amount of energy and drive to complete or work on projects. They don't come often but it kinda feels like a payback for the bad side of this disease. I know that sounds crazy but if feel like there ought to be some upside to being BP. 
     Anyway i was wondering if you all also see different "levels" of mania or is it just full blown for you every time you get it?
 
   Thanks for listening.    Bill

red lightening
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Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 12/6/2009 11:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi happy!
I've never gotten full blown mania but I do experience 'hypo-mania.'
I love it. Everything seems brighter, people seem incredibly interesting,
I'm more creative. the skies the limit but I still have good judgement...though
slightly impaired. I feel like a new and different person and that life is beautiful.

The down side is I always crash for a day or two

My pdoc told me that mania and depression were part of the same spectrum but located at opposite ends. The spectrum is made up of a million shades of gray and mania can show
itself at many levels just as depression can. Bipolar Illness can be black and wheite and every gray between or pink, green, blue...like a rainbow

serafena
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 3715
   Posted 12/6/2009 2:52 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree completely -- totally different shades of mania. I also only get hypomanias, but mine are rarely fun. I have like a day of hyper-productivity, and after that I get itchy, squirmy, irritable, angry, feel like I'm jumping out of my skin. Ick. But I'm glad there's a spectrum. To feel that dizzying out-of-control high all the time would be exhausting and dangerous.

serafena
Serafena
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum
Bipolar II

"Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life." - CARRIE FISHER


Precious Gem
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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted Yesterday 1:28 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi, my name is exhausted and dangerous!  Sorry, just could not pass that one up Serafena.  Welcome to my world and yes there are different levels of mania and yes hypomania feels so good but you either crash and burn or keep soaring up and up until you crash and burn really hard.  I know this sounds crazy but I am having a difficult time adjusting to more balanced moods.  It is like I am trying a different life on for size and with no experience, I don't know if I like it or not.........I mean I do but everything seems.....flat, that is the only way I can describe it, flat.  Does that make sense to anyone?  should I be feeling this way, is this normal on mood stabilizing meds?  I don't know because despite the fact I have been on almost all of them, I was never on any long enough to experience this.  Weird question, I know.

Good Day to all..........

Gemeyes


happy bill
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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted Yesterday 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  You know Precious Gem, you bring up exactly the way i feel about this. Flat, boring, listless, uninteresting, the words could keep coming. I just feel so BLAHH, like life has lost its color.  I have been sitting here all day trying to decide if i want to adjust my meds so i can feel "alive" again.  I want to create, i want my old energy back again. Geeze this sucks. Thanks for listening.

   Bill   


Precious Gem
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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted Yesterday 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   

Bill, I just started a new thread about that.  Life does seem boring, colorless, no excitement about anything.  Is this how we are suppose to feel?  I realize we have an illness, but is there something else you can throw into the cocktail to make you happy, sometimes, just a little?  Without totally having to fake it?  I am not a good faker, the emotion I am wearing on my sleeve or face is just what it is...........Does that ring true for you?

Gem


happy bill
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1132
   Posted Yesterday 4:21 PM (GMT -7)   

 

  Yes it does. This was my worst year for riding a bicycle, or creating anything with my hands, and very little in the way of fun in bedshocked . LOL LOL LOL  My wife tells me that i have been a better father and husband this last year than in the previous 9 years combined. And i have to say that that has a lot of value for me. But i really miss that drive that was with in me and the abilty to do things that i found fun.

   And being honest with myself i was a high functioning BiPolar, i held down two almost full time jobs and rode like a demon and still had energy to come home and be a husband (if you know what i mean)smilewinkgrin   After doing a year on the "program" i am just exploring if "normalicy" is right for me.  I'm just conflicted, i want to be the man my wife wants me to be, at the same time i want to be the man i really am.  I feel in my soul that there is an upside to this disease, that it isnt all doom and gloom and meds the rest of my life. That upside for me was a feeling of happiness, a natural high that each day was special, that each experience was a step in my spritual progression. 

  Ok, i'm starting to get on my own darn nerves tongue .  Sometime you just ahve to vent, know what i mean?

Thanks for listening.

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