Update & question about help for the holidays!

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 12/12/2009 9:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi guys,
Okay, so.......I have not been well.  My episode of depression started Sept 14 and continued until Nov 18, when I discovered my credit card limit (I have a small limit) was increased by $1500.  I spent $1400 in two weeks.  That was hard to write; "confess".  Pdoc is aware, and I am planning to talk with my bf and give him my credit card with strict instructions.  If he doesn't feel he'll be able to help me control it (say no, etc...then I am going to give it to my Dad & step Mom).  Having said all that, money is tight right now, we are facing a possible strike at my bf's work, and I am terrified to have this discussion with my bf right now.  So I am going to have to give it to a trusted friend right now until I can talk with my spouse.
Action #2:  We have added Abilify to my "cocktail" of meds, which just keeps growing and I am feeling anxious about taking so much medication.  But I realize that things are completely out of control and since my spending, I have been rapid cycling, depressed, it's been a nightmare.  I honestly am shaky writing about this.  I am really scared and alone right now.  And I am exhausted.  By the way, any stories about Abilify, please share....I am starting at 2.5mg then to 5mg at bedtime.
Here is my holiday question.  Right now I am completely overwhelmed.  sad We are going Christmas shopping for my family's gifts today (using cash) and keeping all the reciepts in case my spouse is on strike in two weeks.  If that happens we will take everything back.  But I want to get it all because I can't have the shopping on my mind, worrying about everyone's gifts....and I know I thought about not getting gifts, but that stresses me out even more.  And we're not talking huge presents for everyone, just a little something.  I am just feeling so overwhelmed about going out there and shopping, mainly because I am so tired.  But I want it done and off my mind....Help!!!  I just need to calm down and find a way to do this so I can get through it and relax.
Thanks you guys, thinking of you all.
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 4mg/day, Mirapex .75 mg/day & Lamictal 350 mg/day

red lightening
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 620
   Posted 12/12/2009 12:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Sometimes it's easier for me to break things down into small parts and take an hour
at a time. If I'm in a store and I get overwhelmed it's better for me to leave and try it again
later or the next day. Keep saying, "It's all going to be all right,' and take calming breaths.

Don't beat yourself up for the overspending....what's done is done but definitely the right thingto do is come clean with your bf and let him hold the credit cards. I've been on a cash allowance sence my last manic episode and at first I hated it but now I see we are able to
manage and even save a little money. It also helps me realize what is really important and to put priorities on what I buy.

The holidays are difficult but they can be manageable. I am also worried about a 10 day trip back home at Christmas dealing with an ex, an alcoholic Father, difficult step-Dad, and
all the interactions between a blended family with 2 teens.

I am on 30mg of Abilify and so far it has been a great mood stabilizer but I have had to switch ssri's several times and am now on Celexa. Abilify is picky about what SSRI it will date! It didn't like Cymbalta, or Wellbutrin.

Anyway best of luck to you and go easy on yourself as you are having to heal during a
holiday period.

It's great that you reached out here! Keep up the good work....it lessens our pain to talk it out and we've all been there.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 12/12/2009 4:58 PM (GMT -6)   

Thank you red for replying.

My bf went and did his shopping without me today; which was great because I think part of it was I didn't want to go together because I knew it would take much longer, and for me I have to get what I'm getting and get out.  Tomorrow morning I am going to try and go out (just me) early in the morning to avoid some of the rush.  I am feeling okay about that, but I am going to take your advice and keep telling myself it will be okay and if I'm not, I will leave.  Thank you.

I know I can get through this, I think.  I am scared.  Like you said, I am trying to heal through a very risky time for us bps.  The holidays are always so hard.  But I will try and remind myself of the right things I am doing.  I was extremely depressed all day today and just got dinner ready (it's cooking in the oven) and I poured a glass of wine, but I know that is the last thing I need right now, so I dumped it down the sink.  I am glad I did.

I will think of you this Christmas, and hope you have a good one.  It sounds like you have a lot to deal with as well.  But it also sounds like you are smart to know what you have to do for yourself. 

Thanks for speaking to the Abilify; I won't be on any SSRIs because my pdoc wants to stop my cycling.  I haven't been on any of those in years.  I hope the Abilify will be okay for me.  It will be working with the Lamotrigine and Mirapex.  I know it's such a tiny dose to start on, but this morning I didn't feel any side effects.  After 3 more days I will take 5mg at bedtime.  I am glad to see my pdoc again before Christmas, Dec 22nd.  We will see what two weeks will bring.  You are so right in taking things slow.  I stayed home today and did a bit of laundry, dinner was easy to prepare, took a shower and that was about it.  I tried to have a nap but my insomnia never lets me do that!

Anyway, thanks so much for caring.  It does help for us all to reach out here.  HW is something I am completely greatful for, especially when I don't have family support.  Bf has been more supportive over the last few months.

Take care and keep in touch.

Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as needed, Methoprazine 4mg/day, Mirapex .75 mg/day & Lamictal 350 mg/day

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 369
   Posted 12/12/2009 10:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Mogli, I am sorry you are going through a rough time. Try and take it item by item and don't overwhelm yourself with getting things done. I am sure the added stress of the job does not help anything either.

Since my last spending spree (almost 2 years ago - wow I can not believe it has been that long), I have no credit cards, my own checking account which my husband puts money in each month, etc. Once you and your boyfriend set up a spending safety net for you...although hard at first, you will end up feeling better..

I hope the new meds work!
Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet? - L. M. Montgomery

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